My girl and I were watching The Voice tonight when suddenly there are ads for all manner of terrifying television and movies. Ghosts, possessed mirrors and Rosemary's Fucking Baby.

Hold the phone.

Rosemary's Baby? The show? Episode six: Baby with Reflux Steals Souls.

In all seriousness, that was one terrifying movie. I saw parts of it as an adult and could barely bear the concept. I looked over at my daughter who was not even able to sit through the first twenty minutes of The Lord of the Rings and wondered what happened to my ability to share a few hours of Adam Levine throwing Blake Shelton under the rug. What the fuck is wrong with the sales guys for NBC? There are usually ads for reality design shows and Fords, not Baby Pampers Prince of Darkness.

At bedtime, my daughter asked more about the baby and the show and worried that she might be scared. So I dug deep and did what I do in these situations: I made shit up.

I told her that when they were making the original movie, they would have contests to see who could put the funniest thing in the stroller and then pretend it was scary. A Cabbage Patch Kid. A puppy. The winner was Mia Farrow, who used a watermelon. It was a renowned contest that went down in Hollywood history.

Pay no attention to the man in the corner with a gun.

Pray for Rosemary's Watermelon. And NBC, go back to your blood pact with Cadillac.