I've read so much research on stress and optimism and half full and half empty. And I've written about it, too. 

Me on happy in 2009!

Focusing on what would make me feel better and not what is making me feel bad is helpful and obvious, and I wish I could get back all those years I didn't know how to do it. But if I hadn't had them, I wouldn't appreciate the difference now.

Me FOUR DAYS LATER in 2009!

And then some other annoying stuff happened at work, and then as I was hurrying home and stuck in traffic I remembered OH, YEAH, MY CAT DIED and we have to take the little angel in to have a 3.5-year-old tube yanked from her eardrum with no anesthesia in two weeks, so soon after she had her five-year shots in both arms and both legs and I had to hold her while she screamed, "No, Mommy, don't let her hurt me!" and then my head exploded and I called my parents.

One of my most humbling experiences as a writer is when people remember what I said before when I'm totally and completely contradicting myself, oh, say, less than a week later. Especially when I'm all "I am going to change for the better!" and then I totally don't, sometimes after a shockingly short period of trying.

But that was 2009. I've been really trying since 2009 to reframe things when I start feeling anxious. Note: This works better when I'm not either a) hungry b) tired or c) well, menstruating (it must be said). Like a toddler, I'm prone to hysteria when I'm tired, especially tired. People have been telling me my whole life the world looks better after a nap, and THEY ARE SO RIGHT!

Lately we've had a lot of unexpected costs pop up. And when I say "unexpected," I mean "of course things had to be fixed or replaced because we don't live in a vacuum or say on the moon, but I never want to have to pay to fix or replace it." I mean "I didn't expect to have to deal with both cars needing new brakes and the furnace motor burning out, like NOW." I understood intellectually that car brakes wear down the way I understand that light bulbs need to be changed, but when either thing conks out, my reaction is usually WTF HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE?

I know, I know.

This weekend, I was at Petsmart with Simon the New Betta Fish's tank. The motor unexpectely went out just about a month after we bought it. And here, when I say "unexpectedly," I actually mean it. Grousing to myself, I took it back with no receipt and the guy ... just ... exchanged it. Just like that!

Then, when I was leaving, the Corolla wouldn't start. Then it started and it died. I finally got it going again and drove it home and told Beloved because he drives that thing all over the state of Missouri, and I could just picture that happening to him late at night on the side of I-70 or something. He took it in immediately, and my brain was thinking OH HELL WE STILL HAVEN'T REPLACED THE BRAKES ON THE TRUCK HOW MUCH IS THIS SHIT GOING TO COST?

And then Beloved came home and told me that the Corolla had been recalled for that very reason, and we just hadn't received the notice yet. And they ... just ... exchanged the parts.

Now! There have been lots and lots of unbudgeted (which is a better frame than unexpected, really) costs since November. But then, in two days, two problems got fixed for free. The aquarium was $20. The car -- oh, hell, who knows? Doesn't every part in a car start at $600?

This is a very long and rambly way of saying if I have not succeeded in turning my Debbie Downer inner child into Suzie Sunshine, at least I am still trying. See? Look at me go! Take that, anxiety disorder! Take that, adrenaline and cortisol!