Last weekend, I bought my beloved and I new phones.  We have always just taken the shitty free phone that comes with the service (with the exception of one fabled birthday of my beloved's), so it was with a bit of trepidation that I plunked down $300 (with mail-in rebates that will only take $50 of effort to get in the mail by the deadline) for two, brand-spankin' new, shiny, hipster camera phones.

Before I bought them, though, I had lots of questions.  The salesman was eager to help me, sensing my desperation with my old phone. Also, the little angel was wandering around the store, pointing out the balloons and trying to touch everything.  I alternated between asking questions and wondering how much damage she could inflict if I turned my back on her long enough to listen to the answers. 

It was while I was tuned out, trying to keep the little angel from deconstructing a delicately-stacked display of car chargers, that he started talking about the Razor phone. It's really thin.  It looks cool.  I didn't buy it, though, because for the same price you could get a different one that had expandable memory. Before making this decision, I asked what the difference was. 

Thus began the conversation about bulging.

Him:  "Well, the Razor is so thin, you can't even see it in your pocket."

Me:  "Huh?"

Him:  (laughing nervously) "Well, women keep their cell phones in their purses, but men tend to put them in their pockets. Except, well, you don't want a bulge."

Me: (inside going MWAH HA HA HA HA)  "I see. Bulges are bad."

Him:  (not getting my gutter references)  "Yeah.  So you have to use a holster if you have a really thick phone."

Me:  "You wouldn't want, then, a noticeable bulge."

Little angel:  "BULGE."