I type to keep myself from falling asleep face-first on the monitor. The little angel and I played "in the bed, out of the bed" last night from 2:30 to 4:30 a.m.  This is called "the rubber band technique" by one of the 800 sleep experts whose books I have read and thrown across the room in the past six months. I don't remember which one. It most reminded me of a quote from an obscure '80s Justine Bateman film, Satisfaction. They were living in their van.  Or something. And one of the ditzy girl-band members kept saying "In the van, out of the van, in the van, out of the van."  That's sort of how I felt after putting the little angel back in bed for the 21st time with her protesting, "No, Mama rocking. Mama rocking!" and stamping her little feet.  I actually passed out from exhaustion face-first on the carpet after she stopped making noise.  I had fully intended to go back to bed, but woke up at 7 in a puddle of my own drool with the little angel dancing on my poor, twisted back. 

But enough about that.

2006 Resolutions

1) Stop talking so much about how my child doesn't sleep. Or how she hasn't slept through the night more than three times since August. The Internet doesn't care.  My own family is growing bored with it. I'm so bored with myself talking about it, I could just die.  The more comatose I become, the more likely it is I will stop taking the energy to talk at all, so this should be pretty easy.

2) Publish more.  Print stuff, that is.  I make this one every year, but dammit, I'm serious now. I was on a roll while getting my master's degree in fiction, but then the child emerged. I'm with Alice on that one.  And it has to be something in addition to the article on picking out your own wedding ring that I am working on. This has to be something of the poem-and-short-story variety.

3) Recarpet my upstairs and get rid of the damn lead-paint-containing door that goes to the playroom. The door haunts my sleep and drives me insane every time I look at it.

4) Finally remove all the leaves from my yard before the trees start budding again.

5) Buy cooler clothes when I once again get access to my own clothing budget.  I figure the more I buy the little angel on Ebay, the more money there will be for me. I am an awesome mother in this way.  She has so overspent on her distribution of the resources, anyway. I mean, she did just get a new bed and everything.

6) Extend and keep more social invitations.  I spend too dang much time trying to catch extra sleep since I don't do any of THAT at night.  It has totally made me an irritable hermit.  But there I go talking about the "s" word again.

7) Swear more when not in the little angel's earshot.  I can't give up swearing. I love to swear. I just need to change the location and do it more in the bathroom or something.

8) Find some nature.  I realized when I was at my parents' house so much over the holidays that I really miss hiking in the woods. I would like to hike in the woods again. I wonder where they might be located in Kansas City?

9) Cook something that doesn't come microwavable in a bag at least once a week. When I'm not trying to sleep.

10) Did I mention I want to stop talking about, reading about, and thinking about sleep?  Is there some kind of Sleep CQ patch I could look into it that would administer small doses of REM to me during the day?  Man, if I could harness THAT invention, I could quit my job right now. I would be the hero of parents and rock stars everywhere.

I think that's it for now.