It’s tough out there for papas too. So I was really glad to see that Postpartum Support International has a section for fathers, including resources on helping partners through postpartum depression, coping with new fatherhood, and general parenting from the papas’ perspective.

How much leave time should I take? This is a common question for working mamas and one with so many more questions and variables attached to it. What does your workplace offer? What are your job security guarantees (e.g., compliance with the Family and Medical Leave Act, FMLA)? How much unpaid leave time can you afford? Can your partner take leave time? Will you go berserk being home all day?
Everyone’s situation is different and complex, but consensus among some of my mama friends is that if it is at all possible, take more than 3 months of leave. The first 3 months are pure boot camp, all work with very little tangible gratification (other than the little bundle in your arms of course!). I have heard some people say that it doesn’t seem like a biological accident that around the 3-month mark, when you’re near ready to head back and return your delivery to the hospital, the babe starts being more responsive and adorable. It seems a shame to survive the really tough period then go back to work just as things start to get more fun.

I took 4 months formal leave then unexpectedly went back at a reduced schedule (slowly ramping back up to full-time over the course of 9 months) due to other family issues and I felt so fortunate to have so much time with my babe. She just got more fun and interactive as time passed, and as I got better at learning how to take her out and about everything started to click.

Please feel free to share comments on how much leave you took and how it worked out for you.

I am grateful that I have a husband who both brings home a steady income and makes it a priority to get home in time to play with the babe and put her to bed several nights of the week. It’s hard to be “on” every day, and that’s why single mamas are especially amazing to me.

Linda Tucci’s financial feature in The Boston Globe, "Child-care costs strain single mom’s resources” (March 19, 2006), offers a quantitative window into the struggles of single mama hood. The article presents the financial case study of Joan Lieb, single mother of two, and describes various options reviewed to try to make child-care for Joan’s two children possible.

Mama’ing is incredibly complex. Multiply the mamas times two and a host of new logistical and emotional issues emerge. Vanessa Jones of The Boston Globe reports (May 29, 2006) on a volume that was culled and edited by Harlyn Aizley of Roslindale. This collection of 18 essays (including pieces from five Boston area mamas) is titled “Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All!” and gives voice and description to the challenges faced by nonbiological lesbian moms.

“Confessions” is available on Amazon (regular retail $16, currently on sale for $11.20).