Scene: Elementary school PTA fundraiser
I shifted from foot to foot. I'd been volunteering for an hour more than my expected 5-6:15 shift. I was hot, and tired, and hungry, and surrounded by children who I did not birth who wanted the soda I was selling but didn't have any money. And they were dressed as their favorite celebrities.
I smiled brightly as much as I could, not wanting to scare them with my inner monologue.
Then she walked past. Probably a sixth grader, dressed as I assume Taylor Swift complete with shocking red lipstick imperfectly applied. She looked at the soda.
"I wish I had money," she said. "It mocks me."
I smiled for real, because that girl is my kind of people.
There is a present on the very last slide.
We're doing some stuff to the kitchen in Chateau Travolta. I know, we've been doing stuff to it for the past five years, but this time, it's personal. As such, I have over half of the stuff that was in our cupboards sitting in tubs in my office, where I work. This is a little like working in the back storage area of Goodwill. As someone who gets anxious with too much clutter, I've found it's important to not look backwards, much as a mountain climber should not look down.
As I was taking the stuff out of the drawers and cupboards, I was tempted to donate more than half of it. We've been working from about one-fourth of our normal stash of tableware, and except that it's not the cute stuff, I've barely noticed. Beloved and I are of different minds about kitchenware.
I'm a slash-and-burn minimalist about pretty much everything but books. He's a yes-we-do-need-to-keep-eight-Pyrex-bowls type. If I let him have his way, he'd have at least twenty more one-use kitchen appliances than we have. I question the need for even a waffle iron. We have a waffle iron, and also a milkshake maker. (!)
Today I was reading Tanis Miller's ode to Tupperware, and I thought how funny our relationships to our food preparation and storage accouterments are. I fear many of my cupboards, because things have a tendency of falling on my head -- PARTICULARLY TUPPERWARE. And also, occasionally, chocolate chips, because all the baking stuff is stuffed into one tiny upper cupboard. I live in fear of the day the open baking soda box will submit to gravity.
Does one need eight Pyrex bowls? Am I alone in my disdain for 32 drinking glasses?
This morning while waiting for the bus, my daughter and I were looking at the llama picture I have saved to my desktop. I got it somewhere from StumbleUpon and I don't remember where. It doesn't matter, any llama picture will do. I have the llama on the desktop because the llama makes me happy. How can you look at a llama and not smile?
We started talking about things that make us laugh when we are stressed out. I told her about the motivational wolf my sister sent me years ago. I guess the motivational wolf is a whole thing -- I tried to figure out where it started and I guess I'm going to blame Reddit. My wolf looks like this.
Try to source me, motherfucker.
My daughter sort of didn't get the humor in my motivational wolf, which I suppose makes sense, because she hasn't yet had to replace toner. She thought I should have a motivational cow instead, because it would be ... wait for it ... moo-tivational.
This story is going nowhere, but the llama plus the wolf plus the cow reminded me of the reviews of this wolf t-shirt on Amazon, which are nothing short of comedy gold.
Today that is all I have. I also wrote about muffin tops on BlogHer.
Setting: Waiting for school bus
Her: Your breath smells like coffee.
Me: Your hair smells like hair.
Her: Your coat smells like cold.
Me: Good one.
The little angel ate too fast last night at dinner, and something went down the wrong tube. She kept hacking long after she should've been able to stop, to the point where it got humorous.
Me: "Well, it's stupid that humans eat and breath out of the same orifice, really. So much margin for error."
Her: "YACKACCCOUUUUGHG"
Me: "I mean, I think dolphins have two holes."
Her: "CGOAOGFAHSEASEAAASHLRG"
Him: "It could be worse. You could eat and poop out the same hole."
Her: (recovering) "Squids only have one hole."*
*I looked this up. It's actually sea anemone, but hey? SCIENCE!
Yesterday I documented our decision to treat Sir Charles Buttonsworth's diabetes on BlogHer.
There were requests for video of Kizzy's insanity. Happy Friday!
Today we woke up to more snow! Lots more snow!
That's the driveway! But never fear, we have a snowblower!
There are currently 40,000 people without power in the Kansas City metro, but since that is not yet us, I give you the video Momo Fali shared with me this morning of Taylor Swift singing with an awesome goat.