The Children's Menu
"Do you want the children's menu?" the hostess asked, flicking her eyes over my girl on her eleventh birthday. It seemed awfully small for The Cheesecake Factory, a place with a menu that sells advertising. We took it, anyway.
When we got to the booth, the little angel informed us she is no longer allowed to eat from that menu, as it is for children ten and under. We told her she probably wouldn't get arrested or anything, but she seemed proud of the fact that it was LEGALLY AGAINST THE LAW for her to order off that menu.
I sat there scarfing down the tiny bread that comes in the little basket and is just enough to kick your blood sugar into high gear but not enough to take the edge off your hunger if you ate a really little lunch because hello, you were going to The Cheesecake Factory, her birthday favorite and grandfather of America's portion-size issues, for dinner, and while I tried to make myself chew instead of just swallowing the doughy goodness whole, a sea of children's menus flashed before my eyes.
Hot dogs
Chicken fingers
Cheeseburger sliders
Cheese pizza
Macaroni & cheese
Applesauce
Fruit cup
French fries
Scoop of vanilla ice cream
It's not that I'm nostalgic for the children's menu. It's full of food that we all pretend is disgusting and then lick off our kids' plates after we finish our salad and they leave half a perfectly good chicken finger for which we paid hard-earned money, dammit. I don't miss the little kid days, actually. She was adorable, to be sure, but when I look back at the pictures we took of that time, I can see the exhaustion in my face and remember the feeling of OH MY GOD I CAN'T PLAY POLLY POCKETS ONE MORE TIME OR I WILL SCREAM AND I'M NOT SURE I WILL BE ABLE TO STOP SCREAMING PLEASE GOD SOMEONE PASS THE ATLANTIC.
It's just ... that at some places, at least, it's no longer an option. Another milestone, so to say. You hear everyone say it and you can't believe it's possible at the start of the journey, but eighteen years really isn't that long. I was a senior in high school more than eighteen years ago. I've been married for almost fourteen.
My marriage can't even eat off the kids' menu.
As my daughter would say, *poof*. Mind blown.
I look forward to the next chapter of her life, even though I'm a little afraid of the teen years that linger not that far on the horizon, and OMG, middle school even closer. Thank God she still can't finish a cheeseburger. Pass that plate, sweetheart. I got your back.