The Paranoid Outlook

My work Outlook has been a little paranoid lately. It's suddenly begun blocking my co-workers, insisting they have malicious intent when they're really just trying to tell me which posts are most popular. I sat it down, tried to reason with it.

"There's nothing wrong with Denise Tanton," I said. "She's a really, really nice person."

My Outlook shook its head and stalked away, muttering something about a Denise it knew in high school.

Then, yesterday morning, I emailed something from my gmail to my Outlook. Something work-related. Something from me.

Outlook gasped and sat up in bed, eyes wild, hair flying -- and blocked it.

"What are you doing?" I shouted, fed up.

"I'm protecting you from yourself," it said, then collapsed.

I had to reboot. It knows not what it does.