Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever Give Up

I remember last August reading Erin Kotecki Vest's post about her new job at BlogHer and being so jealous, even though I know Erin and I know how hard she worked to position herself for that job.

I've struggled as a working parent. I hate the commute. I hated having the little angel be the very last kid at daycare. Sometimes I was very bitter.

Somewhere, in the midst of my ruminating, I realized it's not fair and not realistic to wait for life to reach out and hand me my wishes on a platter. I realized the only person who could change my career is me.

I want to be a writer, one who spends my time thinking about real issues that matter to women (men, too, but I'll be honest -- women). One who takes time to follow current events and distill what they mean to me and to humanity. One who reads great blogs and responds to them. One who doesn't have to sneak onto Twitter and worry The Man is going to put the smackdown on my Internet access.

When Sleep Is for the Weak came out last September, I thought I was done. I thought my life would permanently change. But (as authors will tell you), it didn't. I realized there needed to be more books, that this first book was just a stepping stone, a calling card, a launching pad. I cut back to four days a week at my corporate job to have more time to write. I got my first national magazine hit in the November issue of Scholastic Parent & Child. I started selling more articles online. I started getting paid more to do what I loved. I started working on my novel, posting my work on Kindle, taking on more responsibility at BlogHer, and yes, there were a lot of days when I thought blogging might possibly be a ghetto in which I'd never get paid a living wage. People asked me why I wrote for free or nearly for free. I've made about 50 cents an hour on a good day for the past five years doing what I love.

I've pitched more ideas than I care to share that have gone nowhere. I've pitched a few that are in flux. My writing notebook is overflowing with half-baked projects, pitch ideas, lists of topics about which I mean to write. I've struggled to compartmentalize that writing into the time I have for it. I've nearly quit reading due to the time it takes to write.

That is going to change.

I've accepted a position with BlogHer as assignment editor. I start in two weeks. After five years of people asking where I'm going with this blogging thing, I finally have an answer. I'm going to funnel all the ambition, grammar geekdom, corporate organizational skills, excitement and intellectual curiosity I have into the BlogHer editorial team. The one led by Katie Couric's top four pick for most influential people (not women, people) in new media.

And I'm going to stop questioning my instincts.