The Dreaded Swine Flu Shot

Scene: 9:20 a.m. The pediatrician's office. I got home from my business trip to Boston at 2:45 this morning.

Nurse: Blah blah blah THIMEROSAL-FREE INDIVIDUALLY PACKAGED INJECTION blah blah NO MORE SEASONAL FLU INJECTIONS blah blah SEASONAL FLU MIST blah blah TWO INJECTIONS BUT DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL GET ENOUGH

Little Angel: Mommy! I don't want the shot! Mist! MIST!

Nurse: Blah blah CAN'T DO TWO MISTS AT THE SAME TIME blah blah WORRIED ABOUT SEASONAL FLU NOT YET PEAKED blah blah CAN GET SWINE FLU INJECTION AND SEASONAL FLU MIST AT SAME TIME blah blah TODAY blah blah ANOTHER APPOINTMENT

Me: (God, I am so tired. AM SO TIRED! WHAT IS SHE SAYING?)

Nurse: Blah blah SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

Little Angel: MOMMY NO SHOT!

Me: (Don't want to come back. Need seasonal flu? Seriously? She hasn't had seasonal flu shot in three years. She didn't get one last year. Didn't get the flu last year. Uses WAY TOO MUCH HAND SANITIZER. She said thimerosal-free, right? That's good, right? The little angel is too old too worry about that, isn't she?)

Nurse: ??

Little Angel: ??

Me: (?????? How did this day start, again? Did yesterday end?)

Me: Let's do the swine flu shot and the seasonal flu mist today. That's it. That's my decision.

Little Angel: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

The nurse leaves. Returns a few minutes later carrying shot and mist. The little angel immediately begins to shriek and squirm. Nurse shoves mist up her nose. Little angel screams.

Little Angel: NO! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!! MOMMMYYYYY!!!!

The little angel begins to buck. The nurse gives me a determined look. I pull down the little angel's jeans feeling like an abusive mother. I hate that I have to pull down her pants for this shot. I hate the idea of her seeing me pull down her pants against her will. It feels so wrong. Imagine the little angel in therapy later. The nurse gets her legs between the nurse's knees and I hold the little angel's hands.

Me: Honey, I love you so much. I don't want you to get really sick. This is my job.

Me: (I AM SO TIRED. THIS IS SUCH SHIT. HATE THIS.)

The nurse holds the syringe poised.

Me: You are going to have to go fast.

Little Angel: NO! DON'T DO IT!

The nurse jabs the little angel's leg. There is no blood.

Nurse: Where is it? It's not even bleeding.

I release the little angel's arms and plop her to the ground. She pulls up her jeans, looking shocked.

Me: All done! All done!

Me: (IS THERE A NAP IN MY FUTURE, PLEASE GOD?)

Little Angel: Mommy, that didn't even hurt. Was that needle even sharp? I don't think it was sharp. Huh.

Me: (Don't Google this when you get home. RITA, BACK AWAY FROM THE GOOGLE!)

I hate vaccinations. Hate them. But this one? I think was worth it.