But How Will You Discipline?

Last night the Parents As Teachers lady came over to tell us that the little angel is normal again.  She did well on all the little tests, but since the Parents As Teachers lady tends to talk the ears off a brass monkey, PATL also stayed well into the little angel's dinner hour.

In an effort to distract the little angel, I gave her some goldfish crackers.  She threw them forcefully on the ground and stomped on them.  I was surprised - she's only recently, at twenty-two months, began acting like a two-year-old. Unfortunately, she did this just as I was telling the Parents As Teachers lady how she hardly ever acts up.

PATL:  "How do you intend to discipline your child?  Will you use time-outs?"

Me:  (Prior to the goldfish incident)  "Well, I suppose so.  I doubt we'll spank her unless she runs into traffic. I'm not positive that they work, though."

(GOLDFISH DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH ON THE HARDWOOD FLOOR HERE)

Me:  "Ha, ha. That's unusual. Ahem."

PATL:  "You know, you should put her in time-out for one minute for every year of age.  Where is your spot?"

Me:  "Oh, the spot. Well, we haven't exactly defined the spot yet."

PATL: "You have to get to her right away."

(Little angel is now chasing Sybil around the house.)

Me: "Well, yes. We'll have to discuss that."

PATL:  "How about potty training?"

Me: "I don't know if she's ready for that."

(Little angel pauses from chasing Sybil to announce she is going poopy.  )

Me:  "Hee hee.  Well, we were hoping to wait until warmer weather so that she could pull her pants down herself."

(Clanging noises of pots and pans from the kitchen by my beloved, who can't stand PATL and wants her to leave.)

PATL: "Well, you know, there's a WINDOW.  If you miss the WINDOW, she could be in diapers until she's sixteen."

Me:  "I think you have to pay attention to the individual child. We tried to do everything by the books earlier, and it backfired."

PATL: "Is she sleeping better?"

Me:  (thinking of how she was up from midnight to three on Sunday night)  "Yes, oh, yes, she sleeps great now." At this point, I didn't want to discuss anything anymore.

PATL: (watching the little angel stand on the couch in her blinky shoes) "Well, she certainly is precocious.  You have to watch these smart ones.  Every minute. Your distraction techniques will stop working soon," she said, looking over at the little angel. "Maybe they have stopped working already."

Me:  "Hmm, yes.  Well, should we schedule our next appointment?"

I hurried the PATL out the door, just as the little angel shrieked "EAT! EAT!" and sent another school of goldfish crackers to a certain death on the hardwood floor.  Sybil took cover.

I guess I should start thinking about time-outs.