Top 10 Ways to Entertain a Toddler in an Airport
Since I was tired yesterday, I didn't go nearly far enough into my experiene at Midway Airport this past weekend.
Normally, we like to torture my mother for making us go everywhere at least five hours early. I remember as a child being forced to take a book to a movie, because we would always get there at least a half-hour before the show began. Important Lesson: I thought this was normal. Children think whatever their reality is applies to all children. This is helpful until about age ten.
I was doing my typical grousing about how we were at the airport two and a half hours before my parent's flight and three and a half hours before ours when we rounded the corner from the rental-car drop-off to see a line snaking out the doors of the parking garage and about a half block beyond. It took us about forty minutes to make it to the door and the blessed air conditioning. At that point, I was starting to get worried.
An hour later, we were still a good fifty feet from the check-in area. The line was full of mostly international travelers, people going on vacations, and families with small children. Who else in this post-9/11 world checks bags? So as you can imagine, ours was the fun line. The line with the most patient sort of people. NOT.
Here are all the ways we entertained the little angel for three hours. Bear in mind: All you with fears about germs in public areas should stop reading now.
* Little angel makes laps up and down the parking garage with Grandpa, trying to avoid speeding cars.
* Grandpa holds little angel and points out poor people standing in their line in the hot sun. He reminds her she should not stand in the hot sun without sunscreen and a hat, since she sunburns on contact.
* Grandma puts little angel in the stroller and does speed laps up and down the parking garage. The little angel likes to feel the wind in her hair.
* I pretend to faint several times.
* Grandma takes little angel to push all the buttons on the parking payment ATM thingie.
* Grandma, on a roll, lets the little angel pretend to make several calls on the public payphone.
* Little angel eats a snack.
* Beloved plays hide-and-seek with bear and little angel.
* Little angel reads all her books.
* Little angel throws the books on the ground.
* Little angel goes up and down the line, introducing herself to other babies and asking for their vote in November.
* I take little angel over to the benches. We pound on them for a while.
* Little angel licks the glass of the windows. That was not intentional.
* Little angel has Gerber pasta pick-ups while I hold her. She smears them in her hair and in mine. She throws them at passer-by. I attempt to keep a bib on her, keep myself clean, and avoid losing all feeling in my left arm after holding her like that for a half-hour. At this point, Grandma and Grandpa have officially missed their flight.
* Little angel has a short temper tantrum on the floor and in her stroller. We strap her in and pretend like we don't know her.
* Little angel rubs her pasta-covered hands all over the destination and arrival screens before we can clean her off.
* Little angel attempts to inhale several aloe-scented diaper wipes. I buy this kind, even though they are more expensive, because they help take me to my parental happy place.
* Little angel walks over to another baby and offers her a pasta pick-up.
* Mother and I go to the restroom, blissfully angel-free.
* Little angel is treated to a charade show put on by my beloved.
* Little angel colors, then tries to eat the crayons.
* Little angel tries to steal Grandpa's glasses.
* Little angel throws another temper tantrum. Just as we reach the counter and before she has to go through security, she falls asleep. She sleeps through the only part we don't want her to sleep through, which is security and the opportunity to run around the gate area before getting on the plane.
Grandma and Grandpa rebook while we fly through security and are assured we will be on our flight.
On the plane...
* Little angel watches the "rucks" outside the window.
* Little angel puts small toys in plastic cups.
* Little angel plays with kitty toy.
* Little angel hands a banana to the nice Pampered Chef representative sitting next to me. There were 3,000 Pampered Chef representatives in the Midway airport on Saturday - something about a convention.
* Little angel tries to color again, hating, hating!
* Little angel stands on my lap, oblivious to the fact I have to go to the bathroom, and looks at the toddler behind her. She blows kisses.
* Little angel rips apart SkyMall.
* Little angel studies the procedures for a crash landing.
* We take off. Only an hour and twenty minutes left to go.
* Little angel reads all her books.
* Little angel has another snack. She covers me in Ritz bits to compliment my pasta pick-ups.
* Little angel crawls back and forth from my beloved to me fourteen times.
* Little angel pulls all the magazines out of the seatback, then puts them back in. Repeat ten times.
* Little angel hands Ritz bits to the Pampered Chef rep.
* Little angel peruses the new Pampered Chef catalogue.
* Little angel looks at the toddler behind us, who has his own seat and is sleeping.
* Little angel plays with the seatback tray.
* Little angel pulls my beloved's ears.
* Little angel gets down on the floor and walks back and forth fourteen times.
* Little angel reads a book again.
* Little angel demands the cups, NOW!
* Little angel plays with the fans and flight-attendant lights. No thanks, all I need is a lobotomy.
* Little angel goes back to the snacking thing.
* Descent begins. We convince little angel that this is very exciting, and she looks outside. All she sees are clouds. Foiled, she throws the mid-air temper tantrum. I hold her in the air so she will only kick me and not the nice Pampered Chef consultant.
* Twenty minutes later, we land. She falls asleep the minute she's back in her stroller, before she must be lifted into the car.
It's good to be home.