Precious Doe

Today I finally brought myself to read what really happened to Precious Doe, the little girl found decapitated in Kansas City a few years ago.

So this is it:  Her stepfather kicked her in the head so hard she was "unresponsive" for two days.  She allegedly died, after which her mother and stepfather cut her head off and left her somewhere - or maybe they buried her - at that point I was on the verge of running to the little angel's room, ripping her from her crib and hugging her through my tears.

I have become one of those mothers that can't read or watch the news. I always thought my own mother was a big wuss when she said she couldn't watch sad things.  I am still struck by the scene in Angela's Ashes when they wake up to find one of the babies had died in his sleep in bed with the family.  I couldn't sleep for two weeks after seeing that movie, and it was not even particularly brutal.

I can't fathom wanting to hurt your child.  I can't even stand to watch the little angel get her vaccinations - which I know are good for her, despite all the autism fears.  I know those little shots are protecting her from all the diseases that seem so innocuous and not a big deal until your own little angel wakes up spotted and wailing.

It's easy as a new parent to either 1) disinfect everything that comes within ten feet of your child or 2) reassure yourself that nothing bad, really bad, could ever possibly happen.  The truth is that it's a big, cruel world out there. The chances are very, very good that nothing truly bad will happen to you. But, then there's the reality of mortality.  It happens to everyone.   As a mama, though, I can't allow myself to think of anything bad happening to the little angel. I have prepared myself mentally for the death of my family members, even my husband and friends.  But I can't allow myself to open the mental door on the room that is disease or death for the little angel.

How is it, then, that a mother could "dispose" of her child - a child that had been brutally abused - in such a horrible and nonchalant way?  What possibly could have been going through her head?  How is it that you have to be a civic leader to adopt a greyhound but any old human can procreate?  And how is it that the majority of people are truly good - I do believe that - despite all the shit that goes on in the world?