Long Strange Trip

Well, I've been gone so long because this past weekend we took our first Family Car Trip. Ah, yes, we packed up our one suitcase and the little angel's six bags, Pack 'n Play and bouncy seat complete with vibration, music and Sharper Image-style baby back massage. We decided after one screaming fit that Mama should fold herself into a little human origami and ride in the backseat with the little angel to pop back in pacifiers, perform a bit of softshoe and anything else it took to ward off the qualifying rounds for the Fussy Baby Olympiad.

Did I mention that I get carsick? Fortunately, during my first trimester of pregnancy (when walking into the produce aisle of a grocery store could make me dizzier than a preteen at her first rave), I discovered these little arm bands with platic beads in them that are supposed to control carsickness. They apparently push on some tendon or something that tells your body there is no such thing as vertigo. They did nothing for me during pregnancy, but they actually worked on carsickness. Nothing works on morning sickness. Don't believe those liars who say to eat a cracker. Saltines are to women with morning sickness as rubber duckies are to drowning victims. Right idea, but not enough. If you have morning sickness, ladies, eat a twelve-inch sub.

Anyway, I digress. We made the 6.5-hour drive to Minneapolis from Kansas City in about nine hours on the way up and eight on the way back. The little angel did quite well, staring happily at the Fuzzy Bee book and gurgling in her seat. My husband is the seventh of eight children, and we were en route to his grandma's 95th birthday party. When we arrived at his cousin's house, which was awash in grandchildren at all stages of early childhood development, my sister-in-law looked at me and said, "Oh, here are the cousins from Missouri with their barefoot baby!"

Wait a second - babies are supposed to wear footwear? Seriously? I mean, I really didn't know - her feet never touch the ground unless the rest of her does. She walks carefully on gravel and I always carefully label all the broken glass in my house. Hmmm. Shoes.