Surrender, Dorothy

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Eating Through the Ages

The little angel loves to eat.  Some toddlers refuse to eat - not my girl.  She's never turned down a meal.  When she was a wee mite, I worried about her, because she was a robust baby.  So robust, in fact, that complete strangers would stop me on the street to tell me how fat my baby was.  I heard someone doing this to another mother on an airplane when we went to Chicago last weekend, and it was all I could do not to hold the old woman down and beat her with a wet noodle in the name of fat-baby mamas everywhere.

Anyway.  My little angel slimmed down perfectly, just as everyone assured me she would.  I personally think she's the best-looking kid out there, but I do understand that I am blinded by the same God who tells me my sock drawer is organized enough.

And now...a montage.  Please ignore my bad HTML - I am too weary to try to fix it anymore.


The little angel on her due date - she was a week early.

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Hey, bitches!  What is with all the pink?


In this photo, she's about two months and nursing a wicked hangover.

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Here, we skip ahead to when people really started to make the nasty comments.

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What.  WHAT?


But despite her food efficiency, she was still the world's most perfect child.

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How can you resist my drooling perfection?  Give me another bear.


She learned to walk and discovered high fashion.

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I am too sexy for this hat.


And driving.

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Get out of my grill.


And though she still loves to eat, she's now quite svelte, and still...perfect.

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Take that, stupid Grocery Store Lady.