Stories I'm Listening To

Since I've started my new job (at almost seven months in, it's almost not new anymore), I've endured an hour-long commute each way. Some days, when Beloved is in town, we carpool. Other days, when I drive myself, I've discovered Overdrive, which allows me to check audiobooks out from my library for free. I've never been much for thrillers, but I-70 is so horrifying with people going from 75 miles an hour to full stop while texting, that I've realized thrillers and biographies are about as deep as I can go while driving. Plus the cumulative fatigue from radiation makes me want to fall asleep when the traffic gets slow, so I need some action on the audiobook to keep me awake.

As far as thrillers go, I've enjoyed Ruth Ware, particularly as all her audiobooks are narrated by Imogene Church, whose British accent makes both "What?" and "Stupid!" sound like the most profound words ever spoken in the English language. This last week, I also listened to AMERICAN SNIPER, the autobiography of celebrated sniper Chris Kyle, and that inspired a spirited discussion at home regarding war and the mindset required for war and my own personal existential crises triggered by war (in high school I discovered CATCH-22, the first book to truly encapsulate the way I feel about war, so that pretty much explains my perspective). I'm pretty sure we agreed to disagree, with my husband assured we'd all die if I were in charge, and I assured that if we did, it would be with a clear conscience.

Prior to Ruth, I went through another of my Neil Gaiman phases. Let me recommend anything by Neil Gaiman on audiobook, because he reads all his own stuff. NEVERWHERE is particularly wonderful, and you'll never think of the London tube system in the same way ever again. I haven't even been to London, but the angel of Islington is on my mind all the time.

Listening to books is so much different than reading them. You're still living in someone's head, but it's a much slower process. I remember when my third grade teacher used to read to us, particularly BUNNICULA. How soothing it is to be read to. I only wish I could do voices. I'd surely love to be an audiobook talent if I could do voices and accents. Alas.

Where was I going with this? The stories. The days have started to bleed together, and I've had to take walks every day at work to avoid falling asleep from the radiation fatigue. When I go for walks, I wear my headphones, and I listen to my stories. For most of this month, I was in Fallujah and Ramadi hearing about badasses, then it flipped to a reach in England I can't find when I try to look it up. I was hoping it was based on a real place so I could see it, the way I searched in vain for Stephen King's DUMA KEY.

The stories have also interspersed with my stress dreams. There's the one where I'm cleaning grout in my bathroom. There's the one where I'm trying to step on the brakes in Vicki the destroyed convertible, and the car won't stop. There's the recurring one where I'm going back to college again, even though I went twice, but this time I have nowhere to live and the stress of finding somewhere to sleep is all I can concentrate on.

I keep having these dreams where I work all night, and I wake up with my neck muscles tight, feeling like I haven't slept at all.

And so, in a sleep-drunk blur, I immerse myself back in the stories.

When my leg was broken, I read my way through Stephen King's THE DARK TOWER series. Now my Goodreads list functions like a touchstone for what I'm going through, business books reflecting my ambition and political autobiographies and novels my confusion about the stories the news is telling me.

Truth be told, I'm a little scared by the changing weather patterns and the hostility between nations.

Truth be told, I'd rather read novels than the nightly news. At this point, truth is stranger than fiction.

I'm still working on my own stories, but more and more I'm adding my own life back into something that was supposed to be entirely fiction. We'll see if that works. Maybe it won't. At the end of the day, immersing myself in stories feels better than immersing myself in the chaos going on in the world.