I don't watch Project Runway. Anyone who has ever met me knows I get all my fashionable clothes as hand-me-downs from my best friend and all my unfashionable clothes from TJ Maxx and the local Goodwill. 

It seems nearly every blogger in my pledge class has gone style on me. Their blogs are hip, they have sections for fashion or home decor or what have you, and even though I know I would never want a section on Surrender, Dorothy for such things, there are days when I look at my blog and understand exactly why I am not financing my vacation home with ad revenue. 

AWKWARD SEGUE TO HEIDI

Since I don't watch Project Runway, I didn't realize that Heidi Klum kicked off this season by getting all nekkid for her ad campaign.

This is what is accompanying my Blues Travelor on Pandora this morning. I looked up before my second cup of coffee and was all WHOA NAKED PEOPLE TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING.

And then my next thought was WHAT IN THE HELL DOES NAKED HAVE TO DO WITH SCISSORS?

WHY DID SHE WRITE ON HER ARM? IS SHE DOING A TRIATHLON WITH SCISSORS? IS SHE GOING TO RUN WITH SCISSORS? HAS SHE LEARNED NOTHING?

HER HAIR IS THE SAME IN EVERY PICTURE IN THIS AD CAMPAIGN. AND HER FACE. ONLY SOMETIMES SHE HAS CLOTHES ON AND SOMETIMES SHE DOESN'T.

WHY ARE THE SCISSORS LONGER THAN HER ARM?

WHY AM I SO IMMUNE TO NAKED HEIDI? SHE IS NAKED. RIGHT THERE. NAKED. THIS IS GROSS. I'M NO PRUDE, BUT SERIOUSLY CAN WE KEEP THE NAKED PEOPLE BEHIND SUBSCRIPTION-BASED PAYWALLS WHERE THEY BELONG SO MY DAUGHTER DOESN'T HAVE TO SEE HEIDI WITH HER BIG SCISSORS BEFORE 8 AM?

My thoughts this morning are in all caps. I am soo ready for vacation.