My friend Meagan Francis is a gifted writer and incredibly productive person. She is the mother of 5 children and has written 5 books, the latest being the e-book Beyond Baby. And what I love about this e-book is that it’s all about putting YOU back in focus following the baby years haze. Beyond Baby is divided into 40 weeks (get it?) of exercises that get you thinking and acting to better yourself, your shelter, your relationships, and your dreams.

As those of you who have read Minimalist Parenting know, I'm a big proponent of the position that you matter just as much as your children do. If you’ve been wrestling with this topic, go grab a copy of Beyond Baby right now. You won’t even need to wait for it to ship to your doorstep.

Want more Friday Finds? Check out: Bella Sante HydraFacial, chair reupholstery tutorial, Mizuno Wave Prophecy, Jordana lip balm stains, LA Fresh eco-wipes, ridiculously awesome pants, parachute cord crafts, Where Is The Cake?, and Travelpro luggage

Image credit: Amazon

Want more Friday Finds? Check out: chair reupholstery tutorial, Mizuno Wave Prophecy, Jordana lip balm stains, LA Fresh eco-wipes, ridiculously awesome pants, parachute cord crafts, Where Is The Cake?, and Travelpro luggage - See more at: http://www.bostonmamas.com/blog/2014/5/2/friday-find-bella-santa-hydrafacial.html#sthash.zmdAIwsT.dpuf

Today's Lessons Learned essay (see submission guidelines here) comes via my sister Sharon. Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your heart with us today:

I don't know if my lesson will ever fully be learned but it will always be practiced. Eight months ago, I gave birth to my son. He defied all expectations and denied me of the Hallmark-type experiences that I had dreamed of.

He arrived after a frightening night of monitoring and an ambulance ride from Cape Cod to Boston. He was born 2 months early and all of the plans and all of the ideas my husband and I had about how things were going to be were severed with the stroke of a surgeon's knife, which yielded a 2 lb 2 oz shrinkadink of a baby -- fragile to the touch and, admittedly, frightening for me to look at.

As a woman who is proud of her health and strength, I was quickly humbled by the feeling of utter powerlessness as the decision to take him out was based on necessity rather than choice. My bodily strength was quickly dissolved by magnesium, which felt like being burned from the inside out. There was an even fiercer flame of fear that brought me to shadowy places in myself that in my past life made me build brick and mortar around my heart and pounds of flesh around my body. The mask of determination swaddled a scared and angry child.

Every step since my son's birth -- a baby shower cancelled, a birth plan not realized, countless tests and needle pricks into this innocent being, daily knots in my stomach from potential bad medical news forecasts, the relief of letting time do its work, the frustrations of breastfeeding and the battles with thrush, the 70 days in the NICU 100 miles away from my home and husband -- scrubbed away every glorified image I had of motherhood and turned me towards the reality of what was right in front of me: fear, pain, resentment...and eventually joy and relief that my son is alive and healthy, and that our little family is still together after that tsunami.

I have spent many days and nights questioning, blaming and punishing myself over what presented itself rather than what I expected. I felt betrayed by my body and my life.

In yoga there is a term, ahimsa, which basically simmers down to mean non-violence. After the wound of flesh and ego started to scab over, the real lesson of being kind came with the realization that I was killing myself and my family with the bitterness and judgement that came with not seeing the beauty of the small and sacred gifts. In hindsight, these gifts came in the form of each ounce of weight gained, the observation of how once concave flesh now wears soft and fleshy around the sweetest of smiles, the gradual lessening of fear as my husband and I grew more secure handling the fragile shell of a boy connected to tubes and wires, watching those wires go away one by one, noticing bit by bit the strength started to surge back into my legs and body, actually feeling the warmth of my husband's hand holding mine, and how love -- true love -- waited and worked even when we were in the darkest places to come back with hearts unguarded, to face and feel the anger, fear, and suffering of disappointment that has melted with time, communication, tears, and with being kind to ourselves and to one another. This experience, with all of its challenges, awakened the practice of kindness. The practice is the practice. The work to be kind will never end.

Sharon is a yoga and clarinet instructor residing on Cape Cod. All images by Sharon Koh.

Editor's Note (updated 3:39pm): I just learned that Sharon will be participating in the March for Babies, a cause that is near and dear to my heart and that I have supported repeatedly through my platform here at Boston Mamas. You can help Sharon reach her fundraising goal here.

Do you want to submit a Lessons Learned essay? See submission guidelines here.

I’m penning this Lessons Learned essay, inspired by National Siblings Day (today):

When I was deep in the trenches with regular visits to my therapist, one of the most helpful things we worked on involved the Enneagram. My therapist taught me about this personality system and it helped me understand my personality traits (I’m a #1 in the system) and also how those traits impact my reactions to other people’s behavior.

One of the major (sometimes challenging) things about being a #1 is that I’m guided by a strong sense of order and assumptions about how things should work and how people should behave in the world. I have worked really, really hard to let go of my assumptions over the years -- in fact, I co-wrote a book in which letting go of those shoulds is a major tenet. And I've found that this has been particularly helpful in the domain of coexisting with and raising siblings.

I have 6 siblings, almost all local. Obviously, when you have 7 people in any mix there are going to be different approaches and opinions and inevitable friction. This mix of personalities, coupled with the extreme challenges of our childhood, have created an interpersonal fabric that is rooted in a deep sense of love and commitment and desire for normalcy, while also being complicated and bumpy at times. The last few years have been especially challenging for me as I've experienced the sadness, frustration, and confusion of intense discord with one of my siblings; we basically have zero relationship right now.

Subsequently, and given that my journey from having one to two kids was such a roller coaster, I've wanted Laurel and Violet's relationship to be simple and pure and uncomplicated and full of love 24/7. Tall order, I know. Instead, the reality is that my two kids are incredibly different, whether it relates to general disposition (Laurel is our gentle deer, Violet is our fiery wildebeest), personal space (Laurel wants snuggling, Violet wants space), or what to wear (Laurel wants all things chevron, ombre, and sequins, Violet just wants the same pair of orange track pants). There is a ton of fighting. Sometimes it's just easier to separate them for long stretches of time.

My former self would fret about this, but through the years, I have finally learned that acceptance trumps shoulds. I don't need to agree with the choices my siblings or my kids make; instead, I need to accept that they are making the choices that make sense to them in that moment and given their personal circumstances. I can give advice or recommendations to my siblings or my kids and I need to accept that they may choose to do something totally different. I need to accept that discord is normal, perhaps even necessary for growth and change. I need to hang back and let my siblings and my daughters be who they are and issue the same acceptance that I want issued in my direction (believe me, I know I’ve done things my siblings don’t agree with).

Why? Because my way is not the only way. And the world needs both gentle deer and fiery wildebeests.

Do you want to submit a Lessons Learned story? See submission guidelines here.

Image credits: Christine Koh

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Have you heard of Listen To Your Mother? In four years this tour of live readings has grown to 32 cities, including Boston on April 26! LTYM gives a voice to the many dimensions of motherhood and I love that they support family-oriented nonprofits through their work. Regretfully, I can't attend the Boston show, but I know some of the cast and have no doubt it will be fantastic! To celebrate, I'm giving away a 4-pack of tickets to the show!

***This giveaway is now closed. Congrats to winner Anju!***

Simply post a comment below by midnight, Wednesday April 16 and be sure to fill in the field with your e-mail (which will remain private when the comment goes live) so I can contact you if you win! The winner will receive a 4-pack of tickets to the April 26 (2pm) Boston show at Old South Church, Copley Square. Prepare for a fun mama outing!

Hello everyone, I hope you're enjoying the beautiful weather! If you've got cranky, fighting kids storming your home, head into nature like we did this morning. Seriously, it's the perfect antidote! Meanwhile, if you're looking for some good reads/visuals, I've got a great roundup in this week's Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome. Enjoy, and have a fantastic rest of the weekend!

- Props to Honey Maid for this amazing video response.

- NPH and Jason Segel are truly epic.

- Female bodies: a weighty issue.

- 25 stores and what they should actually be called.

- Every U.S. county’s favorite baseball team (according to Facebook).

- Daily routines of the world’s most famous people.

- 39 easy ways to create DIY art for your walls.

- Register to climb out of the darkness in June.

- Think you’re too old to be an entrepreneur? Think again.

- 46 reasons my 3-year-old might be freaking out.

- 19 top African artists collaborate for ONE.

- The United States of bros.

Image credit: DIY wall art via Pinterest

Happy Saturday everyone, I hope you're enjoying a great weekend! I'm feeling especially bright spirited; in addition to enjoying a lovely run and nature walk with the girls today, as of this afternoon, I'm finally free of the albatross that was squaring up my 2013 finances for taxes. YAHOO! Have a wonderful rest of the weekend and enjoy this roundup of Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome:

- A fundraiser for Boston firefighters Ed Walsh and Mike Kennedy.

- Kevin Bacon, you the man.

- 16 tips for drama free parenting.

- This is why I’m growing my hair out: polished bun how-to.

- My curated collection of ottomans. Which should I get for my living room?

- Children around the world with their most prized possessions.

- If you think you may lose your mind reading one more long-form parenting essay.

- Weekend project: blood orange margaritas!

- Tribute to a mother’s strength.

- The happiest and healthiest cities in America (fist bump #17, #23).

- Asha and I are beyond honored to be nominated for two Iris Awards (Game Changer for Minimalist Parenting + Philanthropic Work for our #HelpWomenAtRisk fundraiser)!

Image credit: blood orange margaritas via Pinterest

Happy weekend everyone, I hope you're enjoying some lovely down time today. I'm still coming out of my plague fog and trying to catch up on work and home things (and the dreaded taxes will be the end of me...help!) but my spirits were lifted by many interesting reads/visuals this week. Enjoy them in this week's edition of Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome:

- Why moms -- and their last words -- matter.

- Watch as 1,000 years of European borders change.

- Six new favorite doughnuts around Boston.

- Great foods for hydrating your skin.

- My curated collection of colorful totes.

- A case for not hovering at playdates.

- Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one.

- Homemade peanut butter eggs.

- OMG. Christopher Walken dance montage.

- For my fellow grad school indentured servants.

- Don’t help your kids with their homework.

Image credit: blueberry green iced detox tea via Pinterest

As much as I love being a resource provider, I’ve been wanting to integrate more personal voice into Boston Mamas for a while. I'll soon share how that will work in terms of community submissions (yay!); meanwhile, I wanted to share a personal post today. It's Violet's third birthday and though it has been a challenging and surprising three years in many ways, I have also learned so much. I'm sharing my thoughts in the form of a letter:

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Dear Violet,

I know it sounds trite, but I truly can’t believe you’re three today. As I was thinking about your third birthday, I went back and read the posts (and incredible, supportive comments) about my feelings of failure around infertility, the pregnancy announcement, and your 58-hour labor and delivery. All of the emotions along this winding trajectory were so palpable that I can close my eyes and relive them immediately. Invariably, I find myself teary.

People often ask how you differ from Laurel. In a nutshell, you two are like night and day, but my typical adjectives are fiery, independent, and (sorry, Sheryl Sandberg) bossy. And while I’ve sometimes (OK, often) found myself overwhelmed by these characteristics -- they’re simply so different than what I have known with Laurel -- I’ve come to realize the positives too. I think I've been doing a disservice to you by emphasizing the challenges associated with your personality traits and I'm sorry about that. Here’s why:

You taught me not to be afraid of anger. I grew up in a household where angry outbursts were the norm; this made me run the other direction and never allow my anger to come to the surface. When faced with conflict with your Dad, I would shut down in fear. Subsequently, your fiery nature used to bewilder and scare me at times. But I have learned from you that anger has many dimensions. It can be short lived. It can be rooted in nonsense. There's still love on the other side of anger. I’m no longer afraid of it.

Your independence pays off. Sometimes it has been hard to support your independence when, say, I’m trying to get us out the door and you freak out unless I wait for you to put your shoes on a certain way. But the reality is, your independent nature translated to you potty training in a week. You can get dressed by yourself. You take pride in completing chores on your own. I would be crazy not to celebrate these things.

What I used to call bossy I now will refer to as your clear sense of purpose and process. You know what you want and how you want it. You move through the world with purpose. You are protective of your personal space. I respect these things. Let's face it: I am these things too.

You know the power of your voice. You are growing up as the littlest one in a family of talkers. I now know that your meltdowns about being the first to speak reflect frustration about not being heard and not being a part of the conversation. Your daycare progress report recently came back saying that at circle time, it’s typical of the kids to mimic one another when they report about what they did that weekend. Your teachers said that in contrast, you never do that; instead, you always reply with your own answer, clearly and with detail. It brought tears to my eyes to think that by age 2 you had already found your voice. In some ways, I feel as if I’m just finding mine.

Violet, you have taught me so much in these three years and I'm sure there are many lessons to come. And just as I often ask you to be patient, I'm reminding myself to be patient too. We're both perfectly imperfect and helping one another grow. I love you and will celebrate both your fiery independence and what lives on the other end of your emotional spectrum: a pure, bright, and infectious joy that lights up my days.

Love, Mom

Reviewing airline safety protocol. As two-year-olds do.

Image credits: Christine Koh

It's been a while since I've posted a Dear Boston Mamas query and I'm thrilled to do so today! Reader Debbie (mom of two, ages 4 and 6) wrote in to ask about chores; specifically, how to get her kids to do them, whether there should be allowance tied to chores, and what kinds of special privileges seem appropriate and will make doing chores feel like a positive milestone. Here are my thoughts; thanks for writing in Debbie!:

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As readers of Minimalist Parenting know, I feel very strongly about kids doing chores! Chores represent a double parenting win: by building them into your family routine and system, you are equipping your child with essential life skills (you do not want your kid to leave the nest and be clueless about how to toast a bagel or do laundry!) AND delegating so you're not shouldering all of the chores. I have found the below 8 tips on how to get kids to do chores particularly effective:

1. Be matter of fact about the job. Present chores in an emotionally uncharged and non-negotiable way. Your kids may bristle about housework, but simply be matter of fact about it and express that since they are a part of the household, they also need to help with housework. End of story.

2. Offer options. One of the simplest ways to make parenting easier is to offer options. For example, instead of asking, “Will you set the table?” (which conveys that the task is negotiable) ask, “Would you like to set the table or prep the salad?” Kids like to feel like they have control; giving them choice does that.

3. Meet them where they’re at. Kids will get frustrated if you present them with tasks that are too hard then freak out if they make mistakes. Check out this chore chart for some ideas about kids and chores by age. Remember, as soon as kids are verbal, they can help. Case in point: 2-year-old Violet knows to bring her plate to the sink at the end of a meal!

4. Embrace imperfection. When you start kids off with chores, they probably won’t do it as perfectly as you want. Embrace it and let them make mistakes and work on their skills. Give helpful tips if need be but don’t hover or yell at them if they don’t do things perfectly. I used to be uptight about kitchen tasks, wanting vegetables to be uniformly cut or cookies perfectly shaped. But I let go of that and Laurel has developed the skills on her own. She now makes us dinner on occasion and can bake chocolate layer cake (and many other things) from scratch! WIN!

5. Make it fun. Especially with younger kids, it’s easy to turn chores into a game. For example, give your kids a spray bottle of water and a rag and have them find all the spots to clean on the floor. They’ll love being able to spray things! Turn on some music while you work to amp up the fun.

6. Do chores together. Use chore time as together time; you tackle the grownup tasks while the kids take care of their chores. I've found with Laurel (now 9) that it's often easier for her to talk to me about challenging things when we're working side by side on chores vs. sitting across the table from each other making eye contact. So, chores as together time can also offer a unique window for communication.

7. Build in incentives. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t believe in paying for everyday chores but you can incentivize in other ways. Completion of chores can unlock other privileges (e.g., a special snack, story, or game) or one thing we’ve done with Laurel is offer a small payment if she wants to do a task that seems out of the ordinary.

8. Keep at it. If your kids belly ache about chores, don’t give up! Keep building it into your routine and they will eventually get it. I used to ask Laurel every day to make sure she did her homework and emptied her lunchbox and school papers. And then a couple of months into the school year I realized I couldn’t remember when I last asked her to take care of these tasks. With persistence, Laurel learned to build those tasks into her daily routine. It took a lot of reminders but now it is utter bliss to have her own those tasks!

Do you have other chore methods that have worked well for your family? Feel free to share in the comments! And if you have a Dear Boston Mamas query for Christine, drop her a line at editor@bostonmamas.com.

Image credits: Christine Koh