Happy weekend, everyone, I hope you're having a wonderful one! After an unusually busy May, we're trying to take it easy this weekend and keep things very home/neighborhood-centric! I also found inspiration this week to return to music (slow, baby steps!), which feels pretty fantastic. Meanwhile, if you're looking to kick back with some interesting content, here are the reads/visuals that caught my eye this week via Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome:

- When family-friendly policies backfire.

- An evolving view of animals.

- For the Tina Fey and Amy Poehler fans out there!

- How to build a business that fits your lifestyle (featuring my colleague Morra Aarons-Mele!).

- Yelling from the sidelines? It can distract your child.

- Out of the classroom and into the woods.

- Short film Just Breathe helps kids deal with emotions.

- Remember when I was yabbling away about the awesomeness of Priority Bicycles? They've got a Kickstarter going for children's bicycles!

- I am positively obsessed with Meghan Trainor's ukulele rendition of Dear Future Husband.

- Mapping the hourly wage needed to rent a 2-bedroom apartment in every state. (UGH)

- Nonacademic skills are the key to success. But what should we call them?

Image credit: no-bake millionaire's shortbread bars via Pinterest

Today, Amy Lage shares wisdom on how to handle Jack-in-the-Box syndrome:

The kids are in bed and you have just settled on the couch to relax when you hear the pitter patter of little feet. No! What is your little one doing out of bed? You give him a glass of water and tuck him back in. Phew. Oh wait, he’s back. Let’s try this again. Or perhaps your child goes to bed just fine, but then you wake up to warm breath on your cheek or her tiny feet jabbing into your back. Your child just won’t stay in his bed.

Does this sound familiar? If so, your child has “Jack-in-the-Box syndrome” -- defined as a child who repeatedly comes out of bed at bedtime or during the middle of the night. Sounds serious right? But fear not, there is a cure! Today I'm going to share a little context, then give you 3 steps to get past this common sleep issue.

A Big Kid Bed is a Big Kid Responsibility

Your child's ability to stay in bed is hinged to the reality of whether they're actually ready to be in a big kid bed. Being in a big kid bed is a big kid responsibility and it's important not to transition from crib to bed before they're truly ready for this new independence. For most kids, this transition is around age 3 because they need to be at a developmental point where they can understand rules and follow them, and also handle having the security and safety of their crib removed. So, to avoid frustration all sides, wait until your child is ready for this new milestone before making the big move.

Step #1: Call a Family Meeting

Little kids are egocentric (this is developmentally appropriate!) and love to be the star of the show. This is part of why they come out of their bed in the first place – for your attention! Use this trait to your advantage. At a non-sleep time, call a family meeting where your child and his/her sleep is the agenda item. Explain why sleep is important and that when he does not stay in his bed, no one is the family is getting the sleep they need. Also explain that there will be some new “Sleep Rules” to help everyone, and that if he does not follow the rules, then you will walk him back to his bed each time he comes out without any talking.

Step #2: Set the Sleep Rules

Toddlers and preschoolers often fight against rules, but actually crave them as a sign of safety. Many parents share that their kids always follow the rules about naptime at school or daycare; this is because their teachers enforce the rules consistently. Create "Sleep Rules" together on a piece of poster board, detailing bedtime routine and overnight behavior. For example: “I will brush my teeth, read one book, have two sips of water, go to the potty, get into bed, and stay there until mom or dad (or My Tot Clock if you choose to use one) tells me it is OK to be awake and out of bed. If I get out of my bed before it is time to be awake, mom or dad will quietly walk me back to my bed with no talking.” Be realistic with your rules and only include rules that you will 100% enforce. Also be specific and quantify things so there is no question about your expectations. Let your child decorate the posterboard if they wish.

Step #3: Putting it All Into Play

Every night before bed, read the "Sleep Rules" together to remind your child of your expectations for both bedtime and overnight.  If/when he comes of his bed take him by the hand with absolutely no talking or eye contact (remember he is coming out of his bed for attention and if you give any at all negative or positive – it will give him a reason to come out again) and walk him back to bed. You can assist him into his bed and replace the covers if needed, but no snuggles, hugs, kisses, etc. Once he is in bed, leave the room right away. This trip should be all business. Do this each and every time he comes out of his bed. The first night, you may have to bring him back to his room 30 times but if you stay 100% consistent and do this without giving any attention at all during the returns, after just a few days your child will be a Jack-in-the-bed!

Amy Lage is a contributing writer at Boston Mamas, a certified pediatric sleep consultant, and founder of Well Rested Baby. If you have questions you'd like to have Amy address in a future column, e-mail editor@bostonmamas.com with your question!

Today I'm presenting the second in a series of posts, following reader queries about educating kids about sex. As I mentioned in the first post on how to talk to kids about pornography, I'm thrilled that former regular contributor Amy Cody (Parent Education Manager at Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts) is generously returning to answer these important questions. Today she shares 10 great tips, as well as specific resources for boys.

The original question I received asked specifically about educating boys, and Amy provides specific resources for boys below. However, the general responses are applicable to both boys and girls. 

QUESTION: How do I thoroughly educate my son about sex, sexuality, consent, sexual health, reproduction, and relationships?

ANSWER: When it comes to educating our kids about the complexities and depths of comprehensive sexuality education, it’s good to think of the process as an ongoing conversation, rather than the single “Big Talk.” Starting early and talking often is great, however, remember, it is never too late to begin the dialog!

1. Keep in mind that sexuality is not just about sex. While sexuality is about gender, reproduction, and sexual activity, it includes so much more. Sexuality is also about feelings, attitudes, values, intimacy, caring, sexual orientation, messages about being male and female, body image, trust, communication, self-esteem, and respect for others. In other words, sexuality is what it means to be human.

2. Embrace your role as the primary educator. As parents, it is our right and responsibility to be the primary sexuality educators of our sons and our daughters. Respect your kids' right to have accurate and honest information about sexuality. Providing them with factual information, as well as sharing your values, will enable them to make healthier, safer, and better-informed decisions related to sexuality.

3. Know that kids want to hear from their parents. Research supports it! How to talk to them depends on your family and your personalities. There is no “one” way to do it. Both parents can get involved. Be patient and realize that even if your son or daughter doesn’t want to talk, they are listening.

4. Be connected with their world. Be curious about their interests (music, TV, sports, etc.) and know their friends. Ask them where they are learning about things and how it makes them feel. Stay on top of the media; use external topics for conversation. Most adolescents say they are compelled into thinking about relationships, sex, and pregnancy when they are portrayed on in the media by some celebrity.

5. Affirm them. Complimenting and affirming kids helps foster positive self-esteem and will help them to open up to you. Kids who feel good about themselves engage in less risky behavior.

6. Talk less, listen more. Ask questions that open the door for discussion (e.g., When do you think a person is ready to be a parent?). Validate their questions and really listen without judging when they answer. Be an “askable” parent.

7. Choose the right times. Use teachable moments. Talk to your kids while you are both in the car, cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, watching TV together, etc., not when they are on the run or engaged in an activity like homework. Often times, it's easier for kids to open up to you while you're doing something together in parallel, vs. face to face in a "serious talk" situation.

8. Be prepared. Learn about the sexuality education being taught in your school system and faith communities. Identify and share resources such as websites, books, and professionals. Confirm accurate information. Correct inaccuracies. Most teens say they know all about protection and not getting pregnant, yet they don’t. Many believe misinformation such as that two condoms are better than one, or that someone can’t get pregnant during menstruation.

9. Be honest. Communicate your feelings and values honestly. If you feel your child should wait to become sexually active, tell him/her in a positive, compassionate way. Don’t expect to have all the answers. Admit when you don’t know and be willing to seek answers together.  It is OK to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Choose what to say about your own past but it’s better not to lie.

10. Take advantage of existing resources. In my post on how to talk to kids about pornography, I shared these excellent general resources: The Joy of Sex, Our Bodies Ourselves, It's Perfectly Normal. And here are some wonderful books for parents of boys related to different facets of sexuality: Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, It’s All for the Kids: Gender, Families, and Youth Sports, Men to Boys: The Make of Modern Immaturity, Raising Cain, Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons.

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise, Amy! If you want further quick and easy ideas for talking with your child about sexuality topics, sign up for The Parent Buzz, an e-newsletter that features current, age-appropriate, helpful strategies and resources for talking with kids about sex and sexuality topics.

I’m definitely a fan of digital humor (hello, reaction gifs and Hey Girl memes!) and I suspect right about now you’re all seeing "Buy mom a bottle, you're the reason she drinks" type Mother's Day memes. As I mentioned in last month's Responsibility.org post, I get super squirrely about these memes, especially now that it’s not uncommon for Laurel to look over my shoulder while I’m on a device, and since several of her friends follow me on social media.

This month, will you join me and #RefreshYourFunny? Basically, all you need to do is be a bit more mindful about your humor and think before you post. Specifically, forego the alcohol memes. I totally believe you can be awesomely funny without using alcohol as a punch line!

Here’s a video that I hope will inspire you to #RefreshYourFunny this month.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bBI_QLGBYY&w=560&h=315]

And meanwhile, feel free to borrow any of these Mother’s Day memes...

Well, so, yeah. My mom and I have this unspoken agreement about my role as tech support.

OK, getting closer by texting? This is totally true! Related, my mom is killer on the emoji train.

This chauffeur meme is reminding me that I can't remember where the violin I played for 20 years is. #doh

This has happened to me one or 10 times on Facebook. HA!

Image credits: all e-cards via linked sources above.

Disclosure: This post was inpsired by my work as part of Responsibility.org's #TalkEarly program. All thoughts and opinions are, of course, my own.

I will admit that there have been times when I've heard parents talk about their gifted kids in a way that has made me (internally) roll my eyes. This Lessons Learned essay submission from reader Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley opened my eyes and shifted my perspective about the complexities of giftedness, and I'm grateful to now better understand. Read on for Caitlin’s essay on 7 things she has learned from raising a gifted child.

+ + + + +

My son is gifted.

When you read gifted just now, what popped into your head? Do you think I'm bragging? Do you picture my son as a budding prodigy? Do you assume that I'm a Tiger Mom, and that my husband and I have hot-housed him since birth? Do you imagine my son performing well in school? Do you assume he must be easy to parent? Do you think we're lucky?

My son is gifted, and it's not what you think. Gifted is a loaded term. The word gift implies that one has been given something; that one has a leg up over others. This couldn't be further from the truth. As the parent of a profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional child, I have learned so much about this population.

1. Gifted children are asynchronous. When my son was just two years old, I entered his room one night to find him sobbing, unable to sleep. As I held him in my arms, comforting his trembling little body, he explained that he was afraid of extinction. "Mama," he sobbed, "The dinosaurs are extinct and the scientists don’t know why. What if we all die, and become extinct for some unknown reason?!" While the average child develops in a relatively uniform manner, gifted children are asynchronous. My son is many ages at once. Chronologically, he is seven years old. Intellectually, he is more than twice his age. His social-emotional development, however, is probably that of a five-year-old. His little mind houses thoughts that his emotions cannot yet process.

2. Gifted children are emotionally intense. When my son is happy, he's really happy. As in, overjoyed, literally bouncing-off-the-walls happy. When he is sad, he collapses into a mushy mess on the floor. When he is scared, he is terrified. When we are out in public and he meets with frustration, he can throw a fit to rival that of any two-year-old. I still have to underarm him out of public places on occasion. He tests my patience and keeps me humble on a daily basis.

3. Gifted children are sensitive. My son is supremely sensitive. He was unable to watch television for many years; the themes were just too much for him to handle until recently. And I cannot recall the last time we watched the news in our home. He already worries about crime, poverty, endangered animals, global warming, and war without exposure to current events.

4. Giftedness and achievement are two different entities. When my son was in kindergarten, his academic skills were 2 to 5 years above his grade-level. He read Harry Potter on the bus ride to school, but did he perform well in school? Not at all. In fact, he floundered. He was the fidgety kid in the back of the class, tipping in his chair and singing the Frozen soundtrack in reverse order. He was the kid who brought his paperclip collection to school to fidget with, the kid who doodled on his neighbor's paper rather than listen to the teacher. As the year wore on, the pile of behavior slips increased in height. At home, he was a joyful learner and yet, when I picked him up from school, he'd climb into my car and grimly ask, "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" At only five years old, he was wholly misunderstood.

5. Gifted children can be learning disabled. My son's cognitive abilities are above the 99.9th percentile but he struggles with sensory processing disorder and ADHD. He is twice-exceptional: gifted and learning disabled, and he is not alone. There is an entire population of twice-exceptional students who struggle to have their needs met in a public school setting.

6. Gifted children need intellectual peers. When my son was five, we went out to breakfast with some of his friends. As we were leaving the restaurant, my son pointed to a garden trellis and shouted, "Guys! Look! Doesn't that lattice work remind you of a portcullis?" His friends smiled and carried on with their play as I Googled portcullis on my phone. He was right, it did look like a portcullis. And then my heart sank because I wondered if he will ever have friends who truly get him and his unique thinking.

7. Gifted is not what you think. My son is a funny, brilliant, creative, energetic, frustrating, demanding, and exhausting little person. He is a joy to raise, however, parenting him has been the greatest challenge of my life. Over the years, it has gotten easier, but it’s never been easy. He has taught me so much over the past seven years including patience, understanding, grace, and humility. He is my wisest teacher and for that, I am forever grateful.

Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley is a school psychologist who has worked in the Boston, Chelsea, and Lowell public schools. She is currently – unexpectedly -- homeschooling her PG/2E son and she writes about the journey at My-Little-Poppies.com. Caitlin is a Year Round Homeschooling contributor and a member of the iHomeschool Network. She volunteers for and is published by Gifted Homeschoolers Forum.

Image credits: Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley

Do you want to submit a Lessons Learned essay? See submission guidelines here.

As I mentioned in my post on how to help boys build better relationships, when I queried for top concerns about raising boys, there were lots of sex-related questions. I told you then that I wanted to get your questions answered, and I'm thrilled that former regular contributor Amy Cody (Parent Education Manager at Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts) is generously returning to answer several of your questions over the coming months.

The first question is about pornography, obviously an issue given access (intentional or accidental) in this digital age. Below is the original question, followed by Amy's 6 key pieces of advice for talking to kids about pornography.

QUESTION: How do I handle porn, the constant viewing of which can lead to less respect for women as well as less skills with relating to women intimately?

ANSWER: Often in our Let’s Be Honest: Communication in Families That Keeps Kids Healthy parent education workshops, parents ask how they should respond when they discover that their adolescent has visited a pornography website. Gone are the days when kids waited for National Geographic to arrive in the mail to catch a glimpse of women's breasts or a man's penis! These days, sexual and erotic media messages flood our daily lives -- from late-night cable programming to x-rated sites and pop-up ads online to lingerie display windows at the mall to adult magazine covers at the newsstand. By middle school, many kids have either heard the words related to pornography, listened to the whispers of friends, or been exposed to a variety of images. For impressionable youth, pornography can complicate their often imperfect sexuality education.

So, how can we as parents handle our child's normal and age-appropriate curiosity in a safe way while sharing facts and our values around this topic? Here are 6 tips:

1. Remember that curiosity is normal. For many youth, an interest in sexually explicit magazines and websites reflects both their curiosity and a desire to do something "grown up." In addition, adolescents want to know what is normal, and they want to know if they are normal.

2. Avoid a shaming response. If you find your adolescent's magazine under the bed or find them hunched over the computer screen in the dark, take a deep breath! Try not to make your child feel guilty or ashamed of their curiosity, which may hinder communication. 

3. View the situation as an opportunity to review your values. Though challenging, this is a great opportunity to review your values about sexually explicit material. Reflect on questions such as:

• What do we think about erotica or pornography, and what messages are we comfortable giving our adolescent children about these materials?
• How do we feel about the portrayal of women, or the portrayal of men in these publications?
• Would we prefer to first explain this topic with our own values or wait until the alternative of having other adolescents introduce our child to sexually explicit materials?
• Do the pictures and messages reflect the values we want to pass on to our child about intimate relationships?

4. Practice articulating your values. Once you’ve put words to your values, attitudes, feelings, and beliefs, communicate them to your kids. Practicing some wording can help! For example, your conversation might start with parts or all of something like: "I understand that you are curious about sex, bodies, love, and relationships. That's normal at your age. However, I find that these magazines and websites show unrealistic sexual behaviors and relationships. I feel that sex is an important part of a mature, intimate relationship. It is precious and should be valued, cared for, and acted on in a way that is respectful to yourself and the one you love. I think these images are often sexist and degrading to women as well as men. In real life, women and men do not have these types of perfect bodies.” You might want to add, “Not every person participates in these particular sexual acts, and I believe that safer sex, which is not usually present in these images, is a necessity. I'd be happy to share with you some books and information that I think will answer your questions."

5. Offer real alternatives. Encourage your kids to explore real portrayals of different shapes and sizes of male and female bodies through such books as The Joy of Sex, Our Bodies Ourselves, It's Perfectly Normal, or a human sexuality textbook, as well as photography or art works of natural, nude bodies. 

6. Be open. As adults, we may have our own uncomfortable feelings about pornography. However, forbidding these materials doesn't mean your adolescent won't see them. They may turn to friends, an older friend, or the Internet to get the information they are curious about. The important thing is to keep the communication lines open and to use this opportunity to share facts as well as express your values about sex and sexuality. Keep in mind that you are talking to your children because you care about their happiness and well-being!

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise, Amy! If you want to learn more about how to make sexuality education easy, consider hosting a home talk as part of Planned Parenthood's Let’s Be Honest: Communication in Families That Keeps Kids Healthy parent education program. Contact parenteducation@pplm.org or call 617-616-1658 for more information. I have attended one of these home talks and it was fantastic!

Happy Saturday everyone, I hope you're enjoying a wonderful weekend! Once again, we've got a rather crazy full Satuday and a very relaxed Sunday on tap, though it's definitely all good and fun things for today! If you're looking for some interesting content and visuals to absorb during downtime, here's what caught my eye around the web this week, via Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome. Enjoy and I'll be sharing the April vacation mega-roundup soon!

- The secret language of girls on Instagram.

- After 49 years, mother reunites with the daughter she thought died at birth.

- The moral bucket list.

- The fight of angels.

- A map of restaurants based on MBTA stops.

- The 10 most beautiful neighborhoods in America (Woo hoo #1! And here are 15 awesome local gems in that neighborhood.)

- 40 kids who got ridiculous detention slips and don't regret a thing.

- Girls with nagging moms grow up to be more successful. (I'm not wild about the link bait title, and keeping up with your kids isn't the same as being a Tiger mom, but still, an interesting research snippet!)

- Colorado teacher shares heartbreaking notes from third graders.

- Report debunks "earlier is better" academic instruction for young children.

Image credit: 15 sparkling drink recipes for spring via Pinterest

As a parent of girls, I cannot tell you the number of times I've had parents of boys tell me, OMG boys are a totally different animal! If you've been mystified by how to handle various issues with your sons, attend Dr. Anthony Rao's talk, Boyhood Decoded, on March 5 at the Fessenden School in West Newton. In anticipation of sharing about this event, I invited Dr. Rao (author of The Way of Boys) to answer a few pressing questions about raising boys.

But quickly, before I get to the questions, let me share how I came to them. Given that I have zero experience raising sons, I decided to query about top concerns and questions via the Boston Mamas Facebook community + my personal channels. And I was overwhelmed and fascinated by the response! In a day or two, I received close to 100 public or private responses spanning identity, emotional, physical, communication, sex, and relationships issues. There were so many compelling questions and I'm going to try to get more of these topics covered over the coming year, but meanwhile, Dr. Rao shares his advice on 3 topics regarding relationships and boys. I recommend reading his responses in entirety because the underlying principles and response recommendations are relevant to many, many situations.

1. How can I teach my son that girls/women are still valuable as friends and their interests are not lesser just for being feminine?

Respecting others is best achieved by showing (not only telling kids) that all types of people are valuable. We shouldn’t force kids to be friends with anyone they don’t wish to be close to, but they can be given opportunities to develop new relationships with many different types of people. When boys (or girls) show intolerance toward others, treat it like any other type of inappropriate behavior. Be firm and say that’s unacceptable. Most important, model for them through your actions –- not just your words –- that you value all types of people, whether they are male or female.

2. How can I empower my son to respectfully stand up to his coaches and advocate for himself without worrying that he will be perceived as weak?

Should children have to stand up to their coaches? Shouldn’t coaches be looking out for the needs of their players? Many sports have become too serious and very costly. That makes the stakes high. The pressures to perform and stay ahead of peers have eliminated much of the inherent fun, and healthy exercise, that sports were intended to provide. Worse, many coaches are not positive role models.

If your son has this type coach, reconsider the psychological costs of his staying in such a highly pressured activity. If, however, your son’s coach is fair and positive, maybe your son is having a tough time advocating for himself. He might be shy or has low self-confidence. Address that with practice. Practice meeting new adults. Extend a hand and greet people politely with a smile and good eye contact. Set up times for him to approach a safe stranger and ask for something (maybe talk to a sales clerk or ask for directions). Confidence is built while practicing these type tasks. Practice every opportunity you can. And don’t advocate too much for you son. That makes him dependent on you, and that leads to his feeling less confident.

For boys and young men, it is paramount they have positive male role models. This doesn’t require that there be a dad living in the house. It means that moms have to find (and learn to trust) good male role models. The good news is that there are good men all around us. Start in your community. Every police department, for example, has a program where male officers volunteer to meet with youngsters/teens and do activities. Fire departments often offer this too. Boys see these males as supportive and strong leaders. Consider a male babysitter/au pair. Find a college student or older high school student to sit alongside your son a few times a week and help with homework. This will reinforce a male-approach to learning. It will be more animated, fun, and hands on. Ask yourself, where do groups of boys play or meet (at and beyond team sports)? You will likely find these activities have positive adult male role models in charge. Camping, outdoor activities like skateboard and rock climbing, boy’s clubs and organizations, martial arts, robotic building groups, computer clubs, math teams, chess teams, groups that collect and play magic cards, mechanic classes, just to name a few.

3. How can I help my son pick up on the basic social currents and relational skills that girls possess?

Don't expect (or make) boys behave or socialize like girls. Their style, generally speaking, is quite different and some of that is based on neurological differences. Also, many boys will develop social skills later than girls, so be patient. But you should teach (and expect) the basics. Better eye contact can be practiced and reinforced. Responding to unnecessary anger and aggression with clear consequences. But don’t use too many words or lengthy discussions about their behavior, and keep your emotion out of it. Don’t personalize their negative behavior. And always keep them very physically active. They need to channel their adrenaline and pent up motor needs. Teen boys need to channel testosterone as well. If your son, compared to most other boys in his class, is showing very poor social skills, check in with a psychologist or developmental specialist. It could be social anxiety. It could be that he needs social skills training in small groups.

Such good stuff, right? To learn more from Dr. Anthony Rao, register for and attend Boyhood Decoded on March 5 at the Fessenden School!

Disclosure: This post reflects a sponsored editorial partnership with the Fessenden School. Image credit: book jacket via Amazon; silhouette via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hello everyone, I hope you're enjoying the beautiful weather! If you've got cranky, fighting kids storming your home, head into nature like we did this morning. Seriously, it's the perfect antidote! Meanwhile, if you're looking for some good reads/visuals, I've got a great roundup in this week's Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome. Enjoy, and have a fantastic rest of the weekend!

- Props to Honey Maid for this amazing video response.

- NPH and Jason Segel are truly epic.

- Female bodies: a weighty issue.

- 25 stores and what they should actually be called.

- Every U.S. county’s favorite baseball team (according to Facebook).

- Daily routines of the world’s most famous people.

- 39 easy ways to create DIY art for your walls.

- Register to climb out of the darkness in June.

- Think you’re too old to be an entrepreneur? Think again.

- 46 reasons my 3-year-old might be freaking out.

- 19 top African artists collaborate for ONE.

- The United States of bros.

Image credit: DIY wall art via Pinterest