Today, Jules offes a recipe to try over the weekend:

"With the arrival of spring and summer, I can’t get enough seafood. A light seafood entrée is the perfect dinner for me, and this recipe is a lovely, easy diversion from the typical banal salmon dish. The subtle fennel flavors come in the form of a light crunch similar to celery, and contrast surprisingly well with the brininess of the olives and sweetness of the oranges. Enjoy!
 

Serves about 4

1 large or 2 small bulbs fresh fennel

1 cup black cured olives

4-5 Clementine oranges

1 bunch fresh parsley (or cilantro)*

¼ cup + 2 tablespoons (keep separated) good quality extra virgin olive oil

¼ cup orange juice

Salt and pepper

About 2 pounds fresh salmon filet

Pinch red pepper flakes

Make the salad. Trim stalks and frawns from the fennel bulbs. Slice the bulb into long, thin slices. Pit and chop olives. Peel oranges and slice each segment in half. Rinse and chop parsley. Combine all ingredients in large bowl. Mix in ¼ cup olive oil and orange juice. Add salt and pepper to taste. Allow to sit for at least 15 minutes.

Prepare the fish. While the salad is marinating, prepare the fish. Preheat oven to 350º. In large cast iron skillet, heat 2 tablespoons olive oil. Season skin side of fish with salt and a pinch of red pepper flakes. When oil is hot and begins to shimmer, place filets in skillet, skin side down. Allow to sear for at least one minute, or until skin becomes crispy. Once skin is crispy, place entire skillet in oven and bake until just cooked through (this depends on the thickness of your filets, but for a filet about 1” thick, this will be about 7 minutes).

Presentation. Plate salad on large plate and top with fish.

*I recommend parsley for this recipe only because it is more universally liked. In my house we prefer cilantro, so I use that. Each herb results in a very different flavor or the final recipe, so use whichever you prefer, or use both!"

CLICK HERE for a printable PDF of this recipe.

Given Laurel and my needs to post (her artwork, my notes-to-self), it’s not uncommon to find sticky tape shards on walls and doors throughout our home. Thankfully though, now there’s a stylish, tape-free way to exponentially increase your household display surfaces. Mayfair Lane offers clippers, photo frames, and notepads in a chic variety of graphic designs, all backed with an amazing material that grips non-porous surfaces such as stainless steel refrigerators, glass, and even wood, in addition to magnetic surfaces. I’m feeling far more affectionate towards our (drafty in winter) windows, now seeing them in a new, display-friendly light.

Want to win $50 worth of Happeez products*? Here’s how:

+ + + + +
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Leslie D.!
+ + + + +

Visit the Mayfair Lane collection, then email contests@bostonmamas.com (with ‘Mayfair Lane’ in the subject), and name a Mayfair Lane product you’d love to try.

One entry permitted per person; US entrants only.

Entry period closes at midnight EST, Thursday, May 15, 2008.

*The winner will receive a $50 gift card to use on their choice of Happeez products.

I know this post is going to take a long time to write, so I'm cuddled up on the couch with the last glass of white wine in the house to tell you all about it.  I hope you enjoy it.  I hope it encourages you.

In May 2004, I started Surrender, Dorothy at the urging of my friend Average Jane.  I had read a few blogs at that point, and the little angel was one month old.  I, like many bloggers, felt isolated and wanted to reach out while on maternity leave.  Little did I know at that point how this blog would change my life.  It is now unrecognizable from what it was then.

It has taken a very long time for the traffic on this blog to build.  I won't tell you what it is now, but let me just say it's higher than I ever hoped it would be but not as high as I someday hope it will be.  But I wasn't really in it so much for traffic, or for pulling in ad revenue, but as a place to write at least five times a week.  Anthony Trollope was a mailman for his entire writing career, and I've never anticipated I would be able to quit my job in order to write books.  I still haven't.  Maybe someday I will be able to, but I am not one of those people who can make a living from her blog.  Not now.  And that's okay.

I heard all the stories from Cagey and Average Jane about BlogHer 2005, and I decided I really, really wanted to go to BlogHer 2006.  We had a free plane ticket from Beloved's job, and I had a place to stay, also free. So it was a win-win to go.  As I read my favorite bloggers and reveled in the fact I would soon be meeting them face-to-face, I thought it would be cool and an amazing gift to my daughter to print out my favorite posts from each of them, put them in a binder, and have them sign their work at BlogHer.  I thought about this for a few weeks.

Then I thought -- wouldn't everyone like to have such a thing?

In February 2006, I e-mailed Jenny Lauck, Eden Marriott Kennedy, and Alice Bradley with an e-mail entitled "An Idea in Its Baby Stages."  I told them about my idea and asked them what they thought.  They were all a little cautious, as they had NO IDEA who this Rita Arens person was, but they thought it just might work.  They agreed to contribute.  Most importantly, they wrote me back.  I remember feeling thrilled to see their names in my in-box.  For I, if nothing else, am a huge dork.

I found an example of a book proposal online and read all about the marketing part.  I decided I needed some statistics to show how much of a trend blogging is, as even two years ago, it hadn't really become mainstream.  I e-mailed Lisa Stone of BlogHer and asked if she had any statistics I could use.  She asked for my number and called me.  She asked a lot of questions about my idea, and I told her cautiously, again, waiting for the part where she would ask me who the hell I thought I was.  She didn't.  She said, "I want to be a part of this."

And thus began a wonderful friendship.

I started surfing, and reading, and e-mailing, and gathering together a list of 30 or so women and one man whose writing I admired.  Some didn't write me back, but a lot of them did.  Three or so who wrote me back for a long time ended up having to drop out for one reason or another.  I didn't fault them for dropping out, but I remained shocked that many more didn't drop out than did. At this point, the book was called The Tequila Mommy Message Board.

In May 2006, Lisa invited me to join the initial BlogHer ad network, which began with parenting bloggers, or, as we were being called, "mommybloggers."  I eagerly accepted, hoping it would help add to my legitimacy as I continued searching for contributors.  In June 2006, I was invited to be featured on Mommybloggers, and Mir Kamin claimed to have discovered me.

If Rita were a weaver, she'd be one who sits quietly in the corner, nottalking or waving her arms and calling attention to herself, but justever-so-steadily producing ever-more-intricate fabrics. You might noteven notice her. But then when you do finally look over? She'ssurrounded by mountains of of breathtaking work. I have no idea how shekeeps flying below the radar, but when her popularity explodes I am SOtaking credit for having discovered her. ;)

Mir will never know how much that comment in particular meant to me.  Because I had been writing for a really long time, and I did feel like crickets were chirping an awful lot.  But her comment kept me going.

Around this time, the little angel stopped sleeping through the night. She would wake up three times a night, sometimes for twenty minutes, sometimes for two hours.  I spent a lot of time on her bedroom floor, dreaming of the book finding an agent. That was as far as I allowed my daydream to go in those days.  That dream got me through the most difficult period of my adult life -- when my child wouldn't sleep.

The deadline for submissions to the book was November/December 2006.  I hired a lawyer and laid out $900 of my hard-earned cash for real, legal-and-everything contributor agreements, which we all painstakingly mailed around.  When the deadline came, I lost a few more contributors who never sent back in their contributor agreements, but I still had enough for a great book, and as the submissions trickled in, I was getting very, very excited.

I took all this uncut stuff and started massaging it into something real. At the same time, the proposal needed help.  Lisa worked with me a lot, and Liz gave me incredible insight (do we all realize that Liz has written a book?).  In the end, the proposal was 75 pages long.  One of my other contributors, Risa Green, who has written a book  that oh, I don't know, became a television series, spent a lot of time on the phone with me, telling me about her experience in the publishing world. I owe her a huge debt of gratitude.  I still can't believe she was so nice to me. 

At the end of March 2007, I got a fancy NYC agent. She changed the title of the book to Mommyblogging at Mach 10, which I kind of hated. I also attended BlogHer Business, where Jory Des Jardins introduced me to Redbook editor Stacy Morrison, who immediately agreed to write a foreward for the book, and I died and went to heaven. My agent sent the proposal out to eight prominent parenting editors at big publishing houses. They all passed.  By June 2007, I got this e-mail from my agent:

I have no problem with you trying to sellthe book to a smaller publisher at all. And I wish you the best of luck.

I was destroyed. I didn't blame her, I mean, agents don't get paid until your book sells, and if they don't sell it to a big enough publishing house, their little 15% cut doesn't keep the lights on. I remain thrilled that an agent of that caliber pushed the book as long as she did, which was longer than two months.  That may not sound like much, but actually, it was pretty good for an unknown author with a book that still needed a bit of explanation to the mainstream media.

The night I got that e-mail from my former agent, I had a nervous breakdown on the back porch of Chateau Travolta, into which we had just moved. I'd uprooted my entire life to move out to the suburbs, the little angel wasn't sure about her new school, I wasn't sure about my new commute, the house needed a ton of work, my husband's job wasn't going so great, and now my dream was being squashed.  I was desolate.  My husband wouldn't stand for it. He told me to pull myself together, that of course this was going to happen, and look how far I'd come!  Stacy Morrison!  BlogHer!  All these contributors!  And who was I to stop now?? WHO???

Sometimes you just need a little tough love.  Thank you, oh life partner.

I did what every other undiscovered writer does.  I bought the updated Writer's Market and made a short list.  Chicago Review Press was number three on that list.  I went to BlogHer 2007 with my sister Blondie. I met Esther from a major publishing house.  They passed on my book, but she called me and left a voicemail I still to this day have on my phone, saying it was a good book, a great book even, and whoever published it would be a very lucky company indeed.  She saved me, again, as I needed saving so many times.  Thank you, Esther.

I e-mailed Chicago Review Press. I didn't hear.  I called. I called again.  Then one day, at work, the publisher called me back.  She said a lot of stuff I don't remember, then the one thing I did.  She said, "I think I want to do this."

I changed the title again to Sleep Is for the Weak and floated it past her.  A lot of people don't realize that most authors don't get to choose their title or cover art. I was very fortunate to keep my title and be able to weigh in on the art.  My marketing contact and editor are avid blog readers.  They get it.  I never had to explain anything to them.  They worked with me to redistribute the posts, write some introductions and own the book in a way I hadn't done before.  I can't say enough nice things about Cynthia, Mary and Michelle. Throughout the entire project I felt like a huge poser, just waiting for someone to pull back the curtain and point out that I didn't know what the hell I was doing.  But nearly everyone I've encountered has been wonderful and giving of her time and energy.  All I had to do was ask, and back up my proposals with facts.  Yes, getting rejected 15 times before finding a publisher was horrible, but it also made finding CRP so much sweeter. 

We signed the contract in September 2007.  The book is coming out in bookstores this September 2008, a full year later.  It's a BlogHer book, the first BlogHer book, and I hope it's the first of many.  The list of contributors is certainly not exhaustive of all the wonderful writers out there. If this book sells well, I hope to do another.  I hope to get more people's words out into the world.  I hope to write a book all my own.  But for now, the dream I began when I was twelve has come to fruition:  This fall, I hit the Dewey Decimal system and the Library of Congress.  It is worth the 200+ hours and $1500 I have in this book. It is worth my pride, 195 e-mails, countless phone calls and two and a half years of my life.  It is worth all the criticism I'm sure I'll receive, because that's what happens when you throw yourself out there.  But I write this story to let you know that it didn't happen overnight, and it was worth every fucking minute.  Keep writing.  Keep trying.

And please, read this book.  I think it's really good.

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

BookSense (indie bookstores)

Editor's Note:  Cool Mom Picks is giving away three books.  See all of the details here.

Are you ready to venture beyond typical toddler fare? Today, Michelle Stern of What’s Cooking offers a review of The Toddler Café: Fast, Healthy, and Fun Ways to Feed Even the Pickiest Eater. Michelle also includes one of her family's favorite recipes from the cookbook - Treasure Triangles - which are sure to suit both sweet and savory cravings.
“Finally, a cookbook for fun, delicious, and healthy recipes for kids that uses an honest to goodness approach to feeding kids real foods, as they were meant to be. The Toddler Café, by Jennifer Carden, is a breath of fresh air when it comes to the world of kids’ cookbooks. I have always found the concept of standard “kid food” offensive to children. Why should they be doomed to a menu of hot dogs, PB & J, and grilled cheese, when they could be eating tantalizing recipes like those found in The Toddler Café: Treasure Triangles, Mango Fandango, Pinto Panzanella, and Knock Knock Gnocchi?

This cookbook offers fun, delicious, and creative recipes that will tempt even the pickiest of eaters. Carden encourages families to cook and eat healthy foods together, and to enjoy the process of being creative in the kitchen. The recipes contain fresh ingredients and tips on how to stock a pantry so that families can prepare these recipes on a moment’s notice. There is even an organized grocery list template in the back of the book to save families time while shopping.

My children, ages 5 3/4 and 7 1/2, stood in the kitchen with me, ready to help, as I prepared Treasure Triangles for us to eat with dinner last night. My son smashed bananas and my daughter pinched the corners of puff pastry, trapping the delicious filling inside. They took turns brushing an egg wash on the dough to make it shiny for its debut from the oven. They gazed through the dimly lit glass of the oven door, waiting for the tops of our triangles to become golden and wondering how long they would have to wait for a taste.

It wasn’t long before there were puff pastry flakes littering the top of our table and the kids were asking for seconds…and thirds…and fourths! My daughter admitted that she felt nervous to taste the recipe because it contained black beans. But she said that when she tried it, she loved it - “I don’t even taste the black beans, I just taste warm sweetness, and want to eat more! Can I have the leftovers in my lunch tomorrow at school?” My son exclaimed, “Wow! Look inside - I got the luckiest one! I can see a bean!

You couldn’t dream up a better response."

* * * * *

Treasure Triangles
From The Toddler Café, by Jennifer Carden

2 Tablespoons butter

2 bananas, sliced in rounds

1/4 cup diced onion

One 15 oz. can black beans, drained

1/2 tsp. kosher salt

One 16-ounce package frozen puff pastry, 2 sheets

1 cup shredded Monterey Jack or mild Cheddar cheese

Egg wash: 1 egg beaten with 1 Tbs. water

1. Heat butter in a medium sauté pan over high heat. Add the bananas and sauté until golden. Remove the bananas to a bowl.

2. Add the onion to the sauté pan and cook for 3 to 5 minutes, until clear and softened. Add to the bananas.

3. Add the beans to the bowl. Using the back of a fork or a potato masher, mash the bean mixture to a coarse paste; season with the salt and cool.

4. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or spray it with cooking spray.

5. Unfold each puff pastry sheet on a lightly floured cutting board. Cut each piece into 9 equal squares. Place 1 heaping tablespoon of cheese in the center of each square. Place 1 tablespoon of filling on top of the cheese.

6. Fold 1 corner of the dough over the filling to the opposite corner, forming a triangle. Using a fork, seal the edges of the dough. Arrange the triangles on a rimmed baking sheet; brush with the egg wash. Bake the triangles for about 20 minutes, until golden brown and puffed.

Tip: Put the finished raw triangles in the freezer for 5 minutes before cooking. The colder the dough, the more beautiful the finished product.

Our family loved this recipe, and we can’t wait to eat our way through the rest of this book!

A few weeks ago, PunditMom e-mailed me asking me to come up with a topic for her Mothers of Intention series.  I chose childcare.  Read it here.

Here are some other posts I've written on childcare:

Childcare in America: Shame on Us
Damn Oz
Broke and Childful: Middle Class Malaise
Where Will We Ever Find Part-time, Professional Work?
Oz Screws Up Again
The Wicked Flu Witch Is Coming to Oz

There are more, lo, there are more.  But looking for them is wearying and bringing back all the angst and hate of the little angel's first year in daycare.  And reminding me I'm supposed to call her Spanish teacher to figure out why she no longer wants to go there.  (sigh)

Lands’ End is my go-to source for Laurel’s summer tankinis and action sandals, but I also dig that they offer women’s swimsuits with a few magic details to inspire beach strutting confidence. Offering suits for all shapes and sizes, their Slender Suits - which create sleekness via slimming fabric and shirring - are particularly handy to cope with residual winter excess. And the ability to search for suits by body shape helps take the guesswork out of which styles will flatter your rectangular or triangular proportions. The collection does tend toward conservative and I’d love to see LE eventually work more modern prints, but when in doubt, you can fall back on black, or opt for a pretty classic pattern such as the Damask Floral.

Want to win a $100 gift card to Lands’ End*? Here’s how:

+ + + + +
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Stacey C.!
+ + + + +

Visit the Lands’ End swim department, then email contests@bostonmamas.com (with ‘Lands’ End’ in the subject), and name a swimsuit style you’d like to rock this summer.

One entry permitted per person.

Entry period closes at midnight EST, Wednesday, May 14, 2008.

*The winner will receive a $100 Lands' End gift card to use on swimwear of their choice.

Today, PPLM Parent Education Program Manager Amy Cody offers an excellent feature on how parents and caregivers can engage with their kids in conversations about sexual orientation and gender identity. Amy covers basic definitions, as well as insightful thought and action points.

From Amy:

Why It's Important to Talk about Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

Whether or not you talk with your kids about sexual orientation or gender identity, young people receive messages about this topic from various sources including their peers, the media, and the Internet. As parents and caregivers, you have a crucial role in dispelling myths, challenging stereotypes, and expressing the idea that everyone deserves respect regardless of their race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity. People's beliefs about sexual orientation vary and are based on their religious, cultural, and family values. While some families already discuss this topic, for others it may be challenging.

When talking about sexual orientation and gender identity, many different terms may be used. These definitions can help make conversations clear.

Sexual orientation refers to a person's physical, emotional, and romantic attraction to individuals of the same and/or opposite gender. Heterosexual (or straight) refers to a person who is attracted to and/or falls in love with someone of the other gender. Homosexual (or gay or lesbian) refers to a person who is attracted to and/or falls in love with someone of the same gender. Bisexual refers to a person who is attracted to and/or falls in loves with someone of either gender. Questioning refers to a person who is unsure of or is exploring their sexual orientation. Some people know from a young age that they are attracted to people of the same or opposite gender. For others, it can be an evolving process.

No one knows for certain why people have different sexual orientations. There are many theories including genetics, prenatal and socio-cultural influences, and psychosocial factors, as well as a combination of all of these. But we do know that sexual orientation is not something that is chosen. Nor is it something that can be changed by medicine or therapy.

Gender identity is a person's internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or a boy or a girl). Transgender describes a person whose internal feelings of being male or female differ from the sexual anatomy they were born with. Some people ask, "Isn't transgender just like being gay?" No. Transgender describes a person's internal sense of gender identity while sexual orientation describes a person's feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities like: "coming out" (when a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person tells another person her/his sexual orientation or gender identity), access to non-judgmental health care, self-esteem, and violence. However, gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation.

Before talking with your children, it's helpful to consider the messages you want to share. As a parent of an adolescent, you might want to share the following using clear, age-appropriate language:

Every culture and society has people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, heterosexual, and transgender.

People's beliefs about sexual orientation are based on their religious, cultural, and family values.

Some people are afraid to share that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, or transgender because they fear they will be mistreated or misunderstood.

Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, questioning, and transgender people can adopt children or have their own children.

People who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, or transgender engage in many of the same sexual behaviors as heterosexual people.

There are young people who have sexual thoughts and experiences with people of the same gender, but do not consider themselves to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, questioning, transgender people, and heterosexuals can establish lifelong committed relationships.

* * * * *

Important Things to Consider for Parents and Other Trusted Caregivers of a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning Adolescent

The below was adapted from an article appearing on the Advocates for Youth website by Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Coordinator, The Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services, Ithaca College. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of PPLM.

1. Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (GLBTQ) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBTQ children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share, and just be there for your child.

2. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBTQ people.

3. Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place at your adolescent's school. Does the school and/or school district have a non-discrimination policy and is there a Gay/Straight Alliance group? Find a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBTQ issues, or a GLBTQ community center nearby. Do you know any "out" people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information? (Before doing so, ask your adolescent if it's okay for you to share about his or her sexual orientation.)

4. Find out the meeting location of the local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBTQ kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable.

5. Don't make it ALL there is. Just because your child has come out as GLBTQ does not mean the young person's whole world revolves around sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be GLBTQ. Still, being GLBTQ isn't the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs.

6. Praise your GLBTQ youth for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage the youth to continue to keep you "in the know." If your child turns to you to share personal information, you must be doing something right. You are ask-able. You are sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, "Yes, I'll listen. Please talk to me!" Give yourself some credit-your GLBTQ child chose to come out to you.

7. Educate yourself on local, state, and national laws and polices regarding GLBTQ people. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to GLBTQ people in the United States. Two Web sites that are good places to start are the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and Human Rights Campaign.

* * * * *

Useful Resources for More Information

The following local and national resources can offer information and support, whether you or your children are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, you know someone who is part of the LGBTQ community, or you just want to learn more information about this topic.

Gay, Lesbian, & Straight Education Network (GLSEN). This organization envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline. 888-843-4564. This toll-free hotline provides anonymous services including peer counseling, information, and referrals.

National Latina/o Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Organization (LLEGO). This organization is devoted to representing Latina/o LGBT communities and addressing their growing needs regarding an array of social issues ranging from civil rights and social justice to health and human services.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). PFLAG's Mission is to promote the health and well being of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons, their families and friends. PFLAG provides support in coping with a hostile society, education, and advocacy.

Youth Resource: A Project of Advocates for Youth. This website for GLBTQ young people 13 to 24 years old offers support, community, resources, advocacy, and peer-to-peer education about issues of concern.

And for books that address sexual orientation, click here. (Shown: GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens)

The day I read this post about Heather Armstrong's collection, Things I Learned About My Dad (in Therapy), I clicked on the picture of the book cover and ordered myself an advance copy.  I've been reviewing a ton of books over at Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews, but since I sought this one out and didn't receive it from the normal publicity channels, I choose to review it here. 

I thought it interesting that I didn't receive it through the normal publicity channels. Surely a book by a blogger would go through the blogger outreach so many new titles are receiving.  But, like so many of my experiences with Heather, Heather does not come to you -- you come to Heather.  And despite the fact that maybe you have other things to do, maybe you should really do laundry, you can't resist the sucking vortex that is Dooce.  At least I can't. 

I met Heather at BlogHer 2006.  It was my first BlogHer conference, and Heather was on a panel about making a living as a blogger.  I think a few panels before that was the mommyblogging panel, and when Alice or Mir or Tracey or someone pointed out that Heather was in the back of the room, the entire room turned around to gawk at her.  Heather actually bent in half, hiding.  I thought she might crawl under the table. 

She gave a really good talk. Heather is very articulate. At the end of her panel, there was an awkward silence, because we weren't really sure if she was finished talking. She took a deep breath and said, "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."  And that was when I knew I thought she was pretty great.

Afterward, I went up and shyly introduced myself.  Heather strikes an intimidating pose.  She is 800 feet tall and quite thin, and she dresses in that casually hip way of Bossy that this former-sorority girl finds intimidating.  I am not tall and thin, and thus anything I wear comes off looking "perky." 

I told Heather the name of my blog, and she smiled and said she remembered it because somebody spray-painted "Surrender Dorothy" on an overpass near the Mormon Temple in Washington, DC.

Funny, this blog name to me means tornadoes and chaos and realizing you're not in charge, but to Heather it meant a connection to a former religion.  Funny how titles work.

So anyway, this is a really long intro to say I was very interested to read Heather's book.  Last night, I finished it.  Beloved looked up from SportsCenter around 10:30 and looked surprised.  "You read over half that book tonight," he said.  "Was it a fast read or was it just too good to put down?"

It wasn't a fast read.  It was a slow and dangerous read, a dark and twisty and sentimental read.  A collection of stories invoking all sorts of fathers, goofy fathers, angry fathers, fathers suffering from dementia and conservatism, fathers as overwhelmed as mothers, fathers preparing to divorce mothers, fathers reliving their Star Wars infatuations with their sons.  Earnest fathers.  Scared fathers.  Loving fathers.  Human fathers.  The collection reminds me of the Deadwood bar in Iowa City, a land of dark booths, horrible coffee and upside-down Christmas trees.  Thick and smoke-filled and shot through with cool.  The people who were comfortable there will like this book.  I loved the Deadwood.

Finishing this book made me think of my own father, currently trundling around the western United States with my mother, a notebook computer and an itinerary on a spreadsheet. My farmer father who fell back on mechanical engineering, the man who built a home computer out of a TV that had been hit by lightning. The man who heats his house with an intricate corn-boiling system.  The man who stood in the kitchen eating cookies by the sleeve when my mother got cancer during my tween years, when he wasn't really sure what to do for his two young girls.  The man who stepped up to the plate in the best way he knew how.  The man who my mother thinks I love more than her, but I don't.  I love them different, as you do. 

The other thing I noticed when I finished the book was that I immediately begin composing this post in my head, even though I was too tired to write it down.  Reading good writing makes me want to write, even though I won't do it as well, and there are so many great sentences, poignant themes, beautiful metaphors and moments of irony in these essays that I wanted to write immediately, but my head was too full with thoughts of my father and his father and the grandfather on my mother's side that I never knew.  So I went up to bed and fell asleep and dreamed of my childhood instead.

From the last essay, "Not My Problem," by Bill Farrell, in which he discusses fatherhood with his cat:

"I thought I could stop the clock," I told Kink, "you know, stop time.  Just for a while. but I never could.  The clock just went faster and faster. And like a clock, I got wound up in all of their activities, and before I knew it, they were all gone and I was here with you.  How did that happen?  How could I let that happen?"

"You couldn't stop it if you tried," Kink said.  "As a father, you're the best at what you do when you're at the end of what you do.  You supported, you cheered, you sympathized, you sacrificed, you learned, you laughed and cried, often at the same time, and most of all you prepared your children for this moment at which you are here with me."

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Win yourself some free reading software for 5-9 year-olds and read the review at Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews.

My sister-in-law Estelle, an avid recycler who has played a large part in keeping Laurel dressed via hand-me-downs, passed on word about an amazing consignment event in Albany, NY. Yes, this stretches our loose definition of “local,” but readers in Western MA, NY, and even bordering VT and CT could make the trek easily.

Pass It On is a twice-yearly consignment event where you can sell your children's outgrown items and shop for new and gently worn items at bargain prices. The March consignment period has passed, but the event - with over 400 consignors - is open to the public tomorrow through Saturday. And keep you eye on future dates; consignors, volunteers, and first time parents get special shopping windows. Estelle also said that the organizer is thinking about hosting a similarly organized sale in Boston. Keep your eco fingers crossed!

Pass It On Sale at The Albany Academy, 135 Academy Road, Albany, NY