As a one less car advocate and former marching band member (color guard, bass drum, and trumpet...though not all at the same time), I’m pretty tickled by the prospect of the Honk! Festival Parade leading to Oktoberfest in Harvard Square this Sunday, October 11 (12 – 6 pm; rain date October 12). After you “reclaim the streets for horns, bikes, and feet” enjoy the Square in full on party mode; Oktoberfest will be replete with entertainment, food, and vendors.
My friend @StacyGratz is leaving us Kansas Citians and setting off for New York City. She lived there for many years and in some ways, it will be going home.
I wish her the best.
She's kickass at social media, and I will not be the only one sad to see her go, but as I sat there at her farewell happy hour, I couldn't help but be terribly excited for her.
I don't want to move to New York City, as much as I love Stacy and Alice and Liz and Isabel. I am rather content curled up in my corner of the Midwest watching winter approach surrounded by friends and family and Beloved and the little angel and Petunia Cookie Dough.
But I can imagine the excitement of a brand new beginning.
I tend to the melancholy, and I have to prop myself up each day by reframing my life in the positive. I struggle when I anticipate problems, because the anticipation is always, always worse than the problem at hand. When I enter the problem, or the adventure, I am taken over by adrenaline and a strange I-can-do-this that isn't present when I'm anticipating the adventure. In the throes of something new, I am finally living.
So I raised my glass tonight, and I toasted Stacy's new beginning. I am so excited for her and her adventures in the Big Apple.
When I got home from the happy hour, I plopped my girl in her bathtub, and we attempted to coax the remaining dangling tube from her ear and made cupcakes out of bubbles.
Me: "My friend Stacy is moving to New York City."
Her: "Brooklyn?" (She really said that. My book tour had a stop in Brooklyn.)
Me: "No, Manhattan."
Her: "All New York City bubbles have to go to Bubble City."
Me: "Do they have to take the subway?"
She's never been on a subway, though she's been on the El, but only above ground, so I rather think that doesn't count. Anyway, she had no idea what I was talking about.
Her: "Yes."
That's one of the myriad things I like about my girl. She's already learned to fake it until you make it. Because that, my friends, in New York City? Is the right answer.
Good luck, Stacy. Fake it until you make it, my friend. We'll miss you.
Today, parent educator Hetti Wohlgemuth admittedly engages a bit of a paradox and offers advice about coping with unwanted advice:
“‘Talk is cheap,’ or so they say. Apparently so is advice. You can get bundles of advice -- more than you'd ever want and more than you could ever use -- totally free. And much of it is contradictory, whether the advice is about clothing, food, sleep, or discipline. So what can we do with this advice?
Trust your instincts. ‘You know more than you think you know,’ says Dr. Spock on the first page of his tome on childcare. Spock may seem dated, but he makes good sense. Only you know your baby and only you know what feels right for you and your household. You can't walk in shoes that don't fit and you can't wear advice unless it's comfortable. As Spock says, ‘We know for a fact that the loving care that kind parents give their children is a hundred times more valuable than their knowing how to pin a diaper on just right.’
Don’t let excessive advice erode your confidence. In the face of excessive advice, it’s common to think, 'I must look like I don't know what I'm doing,' or, 'The parenting bar is very high,' or 'Maybe they do know better,’ or ‘Maybe there’s something to all of these should’s.’ Not so. Keep in mind that this is your baby now. Others had their chance and now it's your turn. Yes, you may stumble here and there, but each time you cross a new parenting threshold by marching to your own drum, confidence will grow.
Advice givers speak volumes…about their own need to offer advice. This may sound a little harsh, but the truth is, sometimes people offer advice because appearing knowledgeable makes them feel good; generally their interest is not in guiding you. And if you take the advice, you are affirming their parenting style and we, as humans, like to be affirmed. So, when you're listening to the volumes of advice, realize that the advice is not a free lunch, but more about feeding the giver.
Give advice a chance, some of the time. Although I've been pointing out negatives about advice, sometimes it is in fact given with you in mind. The best advice I ever got? "Don't fret about your weight. It took nine months to go up and it takes nine months to go back down." The second best advice I got? "Hire the occasional sitter. It's good for your mental health and your marriage." Perfect. I was planning on doing that anyway. The worst bits of advice we ever received (e.g., being accused of carrying our daughter too much and thus spoiling her) seemed rooted in the advice giver’s own issues. So listen carefully, and take the good advice to heart.
Sometimes silence really is golden. We expend a lot of mental energy (energy we don't have as busy parents of small children) wondering how to answer our advisors. Sometimes the best answer is no answer at all. We don't owe "the experts" anything. If you feel must respond, simply say 'thank you' and move on.”
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Image credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Here’s a cool and unusual weekend pick: tomorrow (Aug 2) celebrate the positive messages of old school hip hop at the Peace 2008 Hip Hop Festival at City Hall Plaza in Boston. This free event runs from 4-8 pm and will feature performances by legendary hip hop group EPMD, Chubb Rock, and Das EFX. Local acts include Acrobatik, Static Noyze, Status Quo, Esoteric, and more.
Following PPLM Parent Education Program Manager Amy Cody’s post about engaging GLBTQ kids in conversations about sexual orientation and gender identity, we received a comment from reader Jen, asking about guidelines on having these conversations with straight kids. I am grateful to Amy for kindly providing follow up material on this topic:
From Amy Cody:
Children learn about sexual orientation at a young age from media, the playground, and friends. It’s far better for a parent and child to talk about issues like sexual orientation when the child is young and before she or he gets misinformation and is exposed to prejudice. Unfortunately, the words “gay,” “fag,” and “queer” remain three of the most common put-downs among youth from elementary school through adulthood. Talking with kids from a young age about sexual orientation will help them to deal with fears, prejudices, and the misinformation they will eventually be exposed to.
Heterosexual as well as homosexual youth can suffer the consequences of unchecked anti-homosexual bias and prejudice. William Pollack, author of Real Boys, has come to see anti-homosexual attitudes as compounding the inhibition heterosexual boys feel about expressing their feelings, treating each other warmly, and pursuing their creative lives for fear of being labeled a “fag.” Pollack points out that adolescents feel vulnerable to someday dropping out of favor, to being the one left out. When one group is shunned or stigmatized with impunity, every child’s sense of security is eroded.
If your child doesn’t bring up the topic of homosexuality, s/he might at least ask about a family that is different from yours - a family with one parent if she has two, or a family with two parents if she has one. Use this opportunity to teach about homosexuality by explaining about the different sorts of families people can have. For example:
“A gay man is a man who loves another man, just the way your mother and I love each other. A lesbian is a woman who loves another woman, in the same way. When two lesbian or gay grown-ups meets and fall in love, sometimes they start a family just like mommy and I did.” Ask your child if s/he understands, and expect that you will have to repeat the lesson over time before he can fully master it.
Always bear in mind that when you tell your child about homosexual people, you aren’t just delivering the facts. You are showing her how you feel about people and how you want your child to feel. Think of each little discussion as communicating how you would react if your child were to make fun of people because they are homosexual, or if your child were to someday tell you she is a lesbian herself. This is an opportunity to share your value that “in this family, we treat everyone with dignity and respect.” You’ll also be conveying your general beliefs about how to relate to people who are different from yourself. Even if she is heterosexual, the openness s/he sees in you will help your child turn to you with something she or he fears may disappoint you or diminish her in your eyes.
Recommended Websites and Books
What Does Gay Mean? How to Talk with Kids About Sexual Orientation and Prejudice by Lynn Ponton (author, child psychiatrist, and expert in teen issues). This online brochure offers resources, tips for talking across the developmental stages of preschool through teenagers, as well as general Q&A.
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Justin Richardson & Mark Schuster
Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex by Deborah Roffman
Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by William Pollack & Mary Pipher
Staying fit during pregnancy benefits mind, body, and delivery, but it can be challenging to motivate to waddle over to the gym. To make maternity workouts easier, today, Plain White Press contributes to our online birthday party by providing their Sane Fitness Preggers Kit to 5 winners. This cute kit includes 72 cards that demonstrate pregnancy-safe exercises that can be done at home (or at the gym, if you do in fact waddle on over). Simply check out the rules below and leave a comment on this giveaway to enter to win.
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Alice H., Go Amie, Chris H., Kara & Kellie C.!
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Alice H., Go Amie, Chris H., Kara & Kellie C.!
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Rules:
Welcome to the 5th installment of Boston Mamas Rock! – where we’re giving a voice to fabulous local mamas, whether they be entrepreneurs, avid volunteers, stay at home moms, moms who have closet talents, authors, media professionals, politicians, professors, etc. Read on for today’s interview with Heather Kempskie, editor of P&K magazine and first time book author. Then go ahead and nominate yourself or a friend!
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Heather Kempskie, Editor, P&K magazine & book author
Christine: Tell us a little bit about your background Heather. My understanding is that you started off right after college in journalism, then left for the world of PR, and now you’re back to journalism. What inspired the changes from journalism to PR and back?
Heather: I landed my first real-life reporting job straight out of college covering Holliston for The TAB Newspapers. I got my feet wet covering small town government but soon desired a corporate PR job and all the perks that came with it (like a decent salary!). I quickly learned that I was most happy when I was promoting a service I truly believed in and really enjoyed my roles as a spokesperson for the American Red Cross as well as North Shore Medical Center in Salem. Bottom line, I was always jealous of the reporters I worked with. I wanted to be the one writing the stories, not pitching them. I was lucky to be hired as the editor of P&K. Nearly 13 years after beginning my career, I’m back in the same newspaper office I started in (but with a way cooler title!)
Christine: Editorships often times can be strictly managerial but you do a lot of writing at P&K (and elsewhere, which we’ll get to in a minute). Do you have any tips on how you effectively compartmentalize your different roles?
Heather: Writing is my passion. You couldn’t keep me away from it if you tried. I also love meeting new people and conveying their story, challenges and triumphs through the printed word. It helps me stay connected to the communities and people I serve. As editor, I certainly “manage” the process by assigning stories and editing copy but I also work closely with my freelancers – we talk about concepts, explore the angles and hopefully arrive with an end product that makes our readers feel empowered and inspired. To me the two roles of editor and writer blend naturally.
Christine: And do you feel like your parenting experience has informed the way you manage your staff at P&K? What are your favorite and least favorite parts of the job?
Heather: Becoming a parent prepares you for just about anything in life. I thought I could multi-task before but now I’ve entered turbo-mode. I guess the most important skill is the ability to work well with other parents – my “staff” is actually comprised of freelancers – moms and dads who have a passion for parenting topics and a background in communications. There is a profound (yet unspoken) understanding of our daily demands. I laugh whenever any one of them call and actually apologize because their child is making noise in the background. If I don’t get that, nobody will!
My favorite part? I’m not lying when I say I love just about everything! I get the biggest thrill when I’m on deadline and we start putting together the pages of the publication. It’s incredible to see the combined work of freelancers, myself, the design and art departments come together in a product that will be available to hundreds of families throughout greater Boston.
Least favorite? Man, that’s a tough one. I’d say that some mornings are tougher than others when it comes to heading to work for the day and saying goodbye to my children. I’m lucky, though, because my job comes with a lot of flexibility. The other night I attended the opening reception for the BIG BUGS event at Garden in the Woods in Framingham, and like most events relevant to P&K, it was for the whole family. I was working but I got to enjoy the night with my kids too!
Christine: You have two adorable kids -- where were you at professionally when your children arrived? I’m always interested in hearing how people decide on length of maternity leave, balancing child care when returning to work, etc. Can you tell us about your working mom journey?
Heather: When my son was born five years ago, I had almost every intention of returning to work but after a difficulty recovery - including surgery - I decided to stay at home with my son and loved every minute of it. I took on some freelancing work including writing for P&K magazine. Two years later, my daughter joined the family. I was eager to continue freelancing but a few of the jobs I had fell through. I remember sitting in our basement when a message arrived in my inbox. The editor of P&K was leaving. I applied for the job that day! I wasn’t quite ready to be back in an office 40 hours a week so I thankfully was able to negotiate flexible hours. I always tell other moms re-entering the workforce to be creative and resourceful. Women have an innate ability to make schedules work. I’m hoping that we continue to see more employers supporting working moms to find that work/life balance.
Christine: You have an identical twin with whom you co-authored a new book, The Siblings' Busy Book. First, congrats on publishing your first book! How was it working with your sister on this project?
Heather: Lisa and I have always had an uncanny ability to balance each other off. Where she is relaxed, I’m a bit neurotic. Where she is creative, I’m practical. Once we had the idea for this book, we easily took on the tasks that suited our different skills and passions. Lisa, who has a Masters in Creative Education, began writing activities and I started putting together our book proposal and marketing plan. We had plenty of late night sessions editing each activity. We laughed a lot. Never fought. And always recognized how fortunate we were that some publisher had given us a shot at a lifelong dream.
Christine: I’m really impressed by the way your book takes each of 200 activity ideas and includes variations for baby, toddler, preschooler, and school age kids to illustrate how siblings can engage in the same themed activities in different ways. This must have been a huge amount of work! How long did it take for you and your sister to put these ideas to paper? And to your knowledge, is this the first book of its kind on the market?
Heather: From concept to publication, it was a three-year journey. We took advantage of naptimes and weekends when our husbands were around to watch the kids. Lisa and I live next door to each other so we saved time on travel! Originally our idea was to create an activity book for babies and toddler siblings. Meadowbrook Press asked us to expand it to include preschoolers and school-age children. We relied on Lisa’s experience as a teacher, our fellow parents and even our own kids for ideas. We also held several sibling workshops with local parents and their children so that we could test our activities. The activities in the book are all kid-approved! We’ve always joked that we really wrote 600 activities because we had to write instructions for four differentage groups for each activity! And yes, we’re proud of the fact that this is the first book of its kind.
L to R: Lisa, Jake (in lap), Noah, Brooke, Heather & Kyle (in lap)
Christine: You have dedicated enormous effort to the topic of siblings, are a parent of two kids two years apart, and are an identical twin. I’m curious about where you stand on the having kids close vs. having them far apart debate.
Heather: Listen, I’m a firm believer in realizing that in many cases you don’t get a say of how far your children will be born apart. But if we could all plan it to our liking, I would say that little of sibling relationships has to do with how close or far apart in age they are. It depends on your children’s personalities and your parenting style. My favorite book is Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. In it, they conclude that parents can set the stage for sibling harmony simply on how they react to sibling behavior and squabbles. In the first 10 pages, they give practical tips you can apply right away in your own family. As close as Lisa and I are, we definitely went through stages of, well let’s say, discord. It’s natural. Siblings are the longest relationship anyone of us will ever have. Longer than our parents and longer than our spouse. We learn how to compromise, share, negotiate and express ourselves. Our book is based on the concept that siblings who play together and create happy memories build bonds that last a lifetime.
Christine: I understand that some of your favorite pastimes are reading and hiking. What’s your favorite book pick this summer, and do you have any favorite family-friendly local hiking spots to recommend?
Heather: During a recent vacation to the Cape, I picked up a book from the resort library Where Are You Now? by Mary Higgins Clark. It’s an interesting family mystery that doesn’t require too much thought. In my opinion, it’s the perfect summer pick.
My husband I love being outdoors. Before kids, you’d find us hiking or biking every weekend. The kids have warmed up to this ritual but last year we found the ticket to get the kids excited about the experience. Letterboxing! It’s a popular family activity where participants search for hidden stamps and ink pads contained in small weatherproof plastic boxes within public places such as a park or hiking trail. You go to a Web site like www.letterboxing.org to get clues on where to search for Letterboxes in your area (there are more than 30,000 of these hidden nationwide). You can track which ones you’ve found and some even contain small prizes. My kids are more than motivated if there’s a prize at the end of the hike.
Christine: It’s also my understanding that you appeared in a McDonald’s commercial when you were a kid. How did that come about? Did they give you free Happy Meals after the shoot?
Heather: My dad worked on the corporate side of McDonald’s when we were kids. We were very cool kids because of that. When we were younger, he’d bring home buckets of happy meal toys. When we were in college, we’d always have tons of gift cards from there and treat our college buddies to a Big Mac or whatever. I remember we got a crisp dollar bill for our efforts but unfortunately, no movie deal offers!
Christine: And finally, what’s your favorite thing about being a Boston mama?
Heather: Oh, my gosh, what is there not to love? We have the best of all possible worlds. A gorgeous city full of classic family excursions such as the Swan Boats or the Children’s Museum plus some more current hip stuff like Baby Loves Disco (swank Boston night clubs opening during the day for toddlers to dance and parents to socialize) and the Institute of Contemporary Art. Then we’ve got the greater Boston area with each town brimming full of their own parks, playgrounds and kid-friendly seasonal activities. I love bringing my kids to the same places I enjoyed with my family, such as Capron Park Zoo or the Aquarium. As far as BostonMamas.com – it’s hip and fun and reminds us women that we’re always cool at heart! Thanks for all you do!
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For more from Heather & Lisa, visit their site.
Know a fabulous local mama? Nominate yourself or someone else to be featured!
In these days of excessive paper junk mail and bills, few things delight like real mail, whether it be a penned note or a party invitation. And today, Tiny Prints contributes to our online birthday party with a $100 gift certificate towards a stylish batch of personalized paper goods, such as summer party invitations, thank you cards, or moving announcements. Simply check out the rules below and leave a comment on this giveaway to enter to win.
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Stephanie A.!
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Stephanie A.!
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Rules:
Luxurious swaddle blankets are a treasure; they’re so pretty that they’ll likely be among the keepsake items you can’t bear to part with when baby outgrows swaddling, and they provide the comfort and cuddle that will help encourage precious hours of sleep. And today, Alex Casey Baby contributes to our online birthday party with their lightweight yet snuggly Star Swaddler blanket. Simply check out the rules below and leave a comment on this giveaway to enter to win.
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Renee T.!
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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winner Renee T.!
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Rules: