Every winter I struggle with painful dry, chapped hands -- resulting from the cold weather, my lax hand moisturizing tendencies, endless dish washing, and increased hand washing to combat germs. And it turns out Laurel is prone to the same chapped hand syndrome. I've tried a variety of hand creams but haven't found the perfect one, so I decided to turn to Facebook and Twitter last week to solicit recommendations. And what did I learn? Not only that you people are awesome (actually, I already knew that), but that you people are passionate about moisturizing! Here are the comments I received, grouped alphabetically by brand. Soft, happy hands -- here we come!
Aquaphor

@Sarahlynnes: "Aquaphor has been a lifesaver for my hands!"

Carla: "I Love aquaphor!!!"

The Whole Bag of Chips: "Aquaphor is our lotion for chapped hands, chapped lips & dry skin."

Heather: "we use aquaphor or for my really chapped boy I do Eucerin Calming Cream and I mix in hydrocortisone - works magic!"

Jennifer: "Aquaphor or Eucerin hand therapy"

Jennifer: "aquaphor! LOVE it!!"

Karen: "We use Aquaphor on hands since the kids never fully dry them after washing and they become chapped so easily!"

Christina: "I have a big vat of Aquaphor that works for my daughter's hands. It is really, really thick so a little goes a long way."

Aveda

Lauren: "Aveda Hand Relief!"

Kaitlyn: "I second Aveda!"

@rookieheather: "I like Aveda hand relief but I need even stronger stuff these days."

Jeff: "Aveda Hand Relief rocks!"

Aveeno

@MelissaMangs: "Aveeno"

Body Shop

Lynne: "Body Shop Body Butter, Shea Butter is my favorite!"

Gold Bond

Farm Visits: "I am outside in the barn a lot in the winter and the only thing that I have found is Gold Bond Ultimate Healing."

Hydrolatum

Roxanna: "Hydrolatum. It's like Aquaphor, but absorbs quickly."

Lanolin

@WFM_FreshPond: "Pure lanolin -hands down! (pun intended) :)"

Lubrex

Amy: "We use Lubrex. You can only get it (as far as I know) at allerderm.com. It is not greasy at all and works great! It's really the only one the girls will tolerate!"

L'Occitane

Liesbeth: "L'Occitane shea butter hand cream, or for actual chapped skin: Lansinoh!"

Wendy: "Also a fan of L'occitane... So creamy!"

Erica: "L'occitane is my fav too. Only one that doesn't sting my poor hands and isn't too greasy."

Neutrogena

@susanjmoody: "Neutrogena Norwegian hand cream is amazing!"

Multiple Recommendations

@MauraCrabassMcG: "Bag Balm- sold as 'Udderly sMOOth' cream. Really works. Or Look, Ma. New Hands by BathNBodyWorks"

@CharChronicles: "rosebud salve or aquaphor are my go to winter staples. (all year long too since aquaphor is great to prevent run chaffing.)"

Melissa: "Anything with cocoa butter/cocoa oil in it - Queen Helene's or Cocoa Care (the yellow tubs in drugstores) are my must-haves in the winter (even though they contain parabens, boo), but I've also been using Lansinoh as winter chapstick for lips for years. :) The Burt's Bees honey body butter isn't bad, either, and anything thick from L'Occitane usually does the trick."

Charles: "Crabtree & Evelyn gardeners hand care is the best I've used. Also Target has an Aquaphor substitute that is cheaper and just as good for any kids' skin irritation.

Not Just For Babies

Diane: "I get eczema on my hands when it gets dry and the California Baby Calendula Cream is magical (doesn't smell magical though, the fragrance is sooo strong)."

@LTPParents: "I had a friend who would get the worst chapped hands I have ever seen. The only thing that worked was diaper cream!"

This thread reminded me of my friend Heidi's brilliant recommendation of repurposing lanolin breast cream for dry skin.

+ + + + +

You guys? Are totally awesome!

I am totally intrigued by and intend on trying a number of these recommendations, but this week I bought Hydrolatum because: a) I have heard my friend Roxanna sing the praises of this product repeatedly; and b) Jon was making a drugstore run and it seemed like the easiest thing to direct him to (i.e., a single, easily identifiable product, versus asking him to find a particular product within a huge array of, say, Neutrogena products). He was able to find it at our drugstore (at the pharmacist counter) and it's working well on all family members (I have also started wearing gloves when I wash dishes). It's creamier than Aquaphor (which we also like using for pretty much everything!) and does absorb well -- thoughlike any thick cream, you'll be initially sticky before it soaks in.

Note: The products above are linked up via the Boston Mamas Amazon Affiliates account, which I personally find handy for future shopping and visual reference. If you do click through and shop, a (very small) percentage of your sale will come back to Boston Mamas to help with operating costs. Otherwise, you can of course look for these products at your local drugstore or at specialty stores.

Image credit: David Castillo Dominici via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On a strange whim, I bought the little angel a betta fish last week. His name is Simon. His stomach is the size of his eyeball, so she is only to feed him three pellets every other day. 

I bought him a little plastic tank with a light and a small filter so that she (read: we) only has to clean the tank once a month. 

She wanted a puppy. I bought her a fish.

This is the sort of parent I am.

I did, however, buy her the fish quite unexpectedly, which in the world of kid-dom makes it the coolest present ever.

The pet store guy asked if I was getting it for her birthday. I said, "No, it's Wednesday." He said, "She gets a present every Wednesday?" And I stopped myself from telling him he was very Judgy Judgerson because I realized I was thinking what an idiot he was to not get my joke.

This is the sort of person I am.

Simon seems happy. I'm not sure what the hell he does all day, but it seems to involve hiding in his little plastic plant and chasing the bubbles that come out of the filter. 

This is the sort of fish he is.

I'm pretending to my daughter and the neighbor kids that I bought Simon for the little angel to teach her responsibility. But the truth of the matter is that I really liked the fish and I really love my daughter, and I thought they might be happy together.

That is the fun part of being an adult.

I hope you all enjoyed the gorgeous weather this weekend. It's hard to imagine that this time last year we were buried under piles of snow! I hope you have a fantastic week lined up -- here are some handy/fun ideas to consider in this week's Weekly Blueprint:

Starting January 10 (multiple sessions): Consider signing up for this program about giant ocean critters. Yay for giant ocean critters!

January 11: Learn how to make a windowsill garden.

January 12: Enjoy fire and ice in New Bedford.
January 13: Inspire a love for chemistry.

January 13: Humpty Dumpty kicks off at the BCA Black Box Theatre.

At your leisure: Purge! Over the holiday break it felt phenomenal to purge my closet and donate to a drop box. We just purged some kids clothing yesterday and Laurel is working on a playroom purge to donate toys to kids in need.

At your leisure: Menu plan. We're trying to get back in the habit of mapping out at a weekly menu plan, using the chalkboard circles we have up in our kitchen. In general we opt for a strategy of 2 more involved meals (things that require assembly and longer baking times, e.g., lasagna), 2 quick meals (e.g., quesadillas, breakfast for dinner), leftover nights, and one night for take out.

At your leisure: Hydrate. Drink lots of water. And take care of scaly skin. I'll be sharing a community inspired post on hand creams soon!

At your leisure: Start a new book. Head to the library, used book store, or Amazon armed with this awesome reading list. (I just ordered Cutting for Stone and Left Neglected on Amazon last night since I haven't been able to find the titles at my local used book store -- so excited for them to arrive!)

At your leisure: Engage in some self care. I can't seem to find a ballet class that fits my schedule so I just ordered this ballet DVD. Also handy, here are 11 easy ways to get back to fitness.

At your leisure: Bake something. I love baking as an activity with kids. Yesterday Laurel and I had a great time making lemon sugar cookies (YUM). This recipe from my friend Rachel looks deadly but I'm completely intrigued. I have a weakness for caramel and pecan

Have a wonderful week!

Image credit: New England Aquarium

Today, PPLM Parent Education Program Manager Amy Cody shares tips for talking with your kids about the HPV vaccine:

One of the most important and challenging tasks parents face is communicating our values to our children (without them rolling their eyes) -- especially when talking about sex. But while these conversations can be difficult and awkward, research shows that positive and honest communication helps young people delay sexual activity and make healthier, safer decisions about sex.

January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month, and for parents it's a perfect opportunity to start a conversation with your children about sexual health and the steps they can take to stay healthy. This month's conversation can be about the HPV vaccine, which, like regular cervical cancer screenings, is a key way to prevent cervical cancer.

HPV is the human papillomavirus, some strains of which can be transmitted through sexual activity in men and women. In fact, HPV is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and some strains can lead to cervical cancer and genital warts. The FDA has approved two vaccines, Gardasil and Cervarix, to safely and effectively prevent infection of the two strains of HPV that cause 70% of cervical cancer cases -- Gardasil also prevents infection of two strains that cause 90% of genital warts.

Every year, approximately 13,000 women in the U.S. are diagnosed with cervical cancer, and about 4,000 American women die of the disease. The HPV vaccine is a major breakthrough in the fight to prevent cervical cancer and should be considered a routine, normal part of health care.

In order to be effective, the vaccine needs to be given well before someone becomes sexually active and potentially exposed to HPV. The CDC recommends that girls and boys ages 11-12 get the HPV vaccine, but it can be administered to anyone between the ages of 9-26, regardless of sexual activity.

Given the fact that the vaccine is most effective when administered at an early age, parents need to be educated about the vaccine and talk about it with their children. Making a decision with your child to get the HPV vaccine is not a permission slip to begin having sex. Rather, it is a way to prevent disease, just like other childhood vaccinations.

A decision about the HPV vaccine can also serve as an opportunity for parents and their children to have broader conversations about values and sexual health issues. While 11- to 12-years-old may seem young for this conversation, informed adolescents with involved parents are more likely to delay sexual activity. Some suggestions for beginning the conversation:

"I love you and want to keep you safe and protected and that's why I think it's important for you to get the vaccine."

"Although you are too young now and not emotionally or physically mature enough for sexual activity, some day you will be ready and I want you to know all the ways you can protect yourself."

"People usually wait until they are grown up and more mature before they begin having sexual relationships."

Conversations like these aren't always easy, but talking about the HPV vaccine will be easier if you've already broached the topic of sex with your children. Parent education programs like Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts' (PPLM's) Let's Be Honest: Communication in Families that Keeps Kids Healthy and books like It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris and Michael Emberley can provide you the skills and information you need to have these ongoing conversations about sexuality.

PPLM also offers the HPV vaccine at its seven health centers across the state, as do many pediatricians' offices, and most insurance plans cover it. Contact a PPLM health center or your child's pediatrician in order to learn more about the vaccine and setting up an appointment.

Regular cervical cancer screenings and preventive care such as the HPV vaccine are the keys to combating cervical cancer. As a parent, it's in your power to help keep your children safe from cervical cancer by talking with them and their doctor about the HPV vaccine.

I hope you've all had a fantastic first week of the New Year! It's been a tad crazy here, attempting to get caught up on things, but I feel grateful for all of the good stuff going on -- not the least of which is the incredible outpouring of applications in response to my call for writers. Please be patient while I sift through the responses over the coming weeks and thank you so much for your interest and kind words. Meanwhile, I hope you're gearing up for a fun and relaxing weekend -- below are 9 picks that caught my eye. Enjoy!
1. Family friendly activities and warm galette? Sign me up. (Boston)

2. Who doesn't love a magic show? (Arlington)

3. I love the idea of taking a parent/child knitting class with Laurel. (Jamaica Plain)

4. I always feel so inspired browsing at open studios. (Lowell)

5. Head to Amazing Things if you want to see Gustafer Yellowgold rocking the live music, animated illustrations, and storytelling. (Framingham)

6. Get green and crafty in the New Year. (Mattapan)

7. How pretty would a full moon hike be? (Topsfield)

8. Support local at the Cambridge and Dorchester winter farmer's markets opening this week! (For other winter farmer's markets in Massachusetts, visit the Mass Farmers Markets site -- scroll down and follow instructions on the site to search for winter markets.)

9. This or another upcoming cold weekend, it would be fun to hit up the MFA Family Art Cart (Boston).

Image credit: French Cultural Center of Boston

Those last few days of Christmas break, all I wanted was to be alone.

Then she went back to school, and I missed her dreadfully.

Today, Lindsey (also of A Design So Vast) recommends a favorite book:

I love Jethro Byrd, Fairy Child for its assertion that magic is all around us, as long as you look closely. My children, six and eight, both love this book as well and often ask me to read it to them. The book opens with Annabelle looking for fairies in the "cement and weeds" near her house despite her father's firm statement that she won't find them. Annabelle's firm belief and tireless searching are rewarded when one Saturday she finds a boy with wings, as big as her finger, shivering in the breeze. As soon as he has introduced himself as "Jethro Byrd, fairy child," Annabelle spies a miniature ice cream truck that has fallen from the sky. Jethro's family -- his father, mother, grandmother, and baby sister -- are trying to tug the truck back to upright and ask for Annabelle's help. She quickly helps and then invites them to her house for tea.
Annabelle leads the Byrd family back to her house and introduces them to her parents. She wonders why it is that her mother is looking the wrong way when she heartily greets the Byrds, and then, suspicious, asks her father if he can see them. He claims that he can but Annabelle can tell that he can't. Sad, she asks Jethro's mother why her parents can't see them. "He's too grown up," the fairy tells her. "He doesn't have time for fairies." As I read this line I choke up, every single time. Is that true?

After a lovely afternoon playing music and dancing, the Byrds tell Annabelle they have to go. Crushed, she asks if she can go with them. No, they tell her. She is just too big. As they leave, the Byrds give Annabelle a fairy watch which tells fairy time. "Time goes by slowly for fairies," they explain. The watch fits right on her fourth finger. The ice cream truck lifts into the air, flying away, and the Byrds leave with a reminder to wind her watch and to "keep looking." That night, Annabelle sees fairies all around her neighborhood.

Jethro Byrd, Fairy Child reminds us that for those who look carefully, the world is full of startling beauty. It reminds us that there are wonders -- magic, even -- to be found if we slow down and walk at the pace of a child, take the time to look at what they see, and, most of all, to believe.

Laurel typically enjoys quite a bit of generosity from her relatives during the holidays, so in the Christmas aftermath, it's particularly impressive when one thing captures her attention. And, well, ours too. This year, that thing is Katamino. Including an adjustable-sized playing board (increasing the size of the playing space increases the difficulty), different wooden shapes (pentaminos), and an impressively varied instruction manual, this game inspires seemingly endless spatial puzzles for one or more players.
Much like the Perplexus, Katamino has captured the attention of both the big and little people in our house. We're all busy taking turns, attempting to solve the individual levels (and yes, like the Perplexus, Laurel has already surpassed me on a couple of levels) that we haven't even gotten to the multiple player games. As we recover from the holiday season, it's been lovely to have a game that is simple and battery-free and also inspires quiet time! Added bonus: it's compact enough (yet with chunky wooden pieces that are easy to hold on to) for car travel too.

Also, a side note about the Perplexus (since many of you were pretty excited to learn about that game): Laurel mastered the classic version I wrote about and has moved on to the Perplexus Epic -- which will definitely provide challenging fodder for a while. I recommend getting the Epic if your family has mastered the Classic. We also bought my father-in-law the Classic and it was a big hit...it was fun to pad into the kitchen the morning after Christmas to find him playing it at the kitchen table!

Because I enjoy a little healthy debate (and also because I've been thinking about it a while), I posted yesterday on BlogHer about marital term limits. I actually don't care for that terminology, because it sounds like you're required to stop being married at some point, which was not what I was arguing for. If you want to be married, you wouldn't have to stop -- you just re-up. I actually like Mexico City's proposal (though two years seems a bit short):

The minimum marriage contract would be for two years and could be renewed if the couple stays happy. The contracts would include provisions on how children and property would be handled if the couple splits.

"The proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends," said Leonel Luna, the Mexico City assemblyman who co-authored the bill.

"You wouldn't have to go through the tortuous process of divorce," said Luna, from the leftist Party of the Democratic Revolution, which has the most seats in the 66-member chamber.

It might seem odd that someone happily married after ten years is a fan of this idea. On Twitter last night I took a lot of heat for banging on "the sanctity of marriage." I don't see it that way at all -- the promise and commitment you make to your spouse can be spiritual, it can be religious, it can be personal -- but it needn't be legal. We all know plenty of people who are deeply in love and committed to each other for life but for whatever reason not legally married. The sanctity part has to do with the relationship, not the legal marriage. I believe in the sanctity of the relationship, not the sanctity of the legal marriage. Give to Caesar what is Caesar's.

Legal marriage is a legal contract and has nothing to do with love. Usually, they go hand-in-hand, but legal marriage as an institution is rooted in property ownership. In Missouri, where I live, it means this:

There are numerous legal benefits to marriage. There are both federal and state laws available only to married people. Other benefits include Social Security benefits, inheritance rights, property rights, the ability to sue third parties for the wrongful death of a spouse or loss of consortium, and the right to make medical decisions on a spouse's behalf.

There is nothing about love or sanctity or eternal commitment in the legal definition of marriage.

In my BlogHer series How to Get a Happier Marriage, I kept coming back to the concept of daily choice. Whether you're legally married or not, if you're in a healthy relationship, you're aware every day that you don't have to be there -- you're there because your life is better with that person than without him or her. You're there because you want to be. You're not enmeshed with the other person or controlled by him or her. I'm not saying it wouldn't be incredibly painful to leave, but if something happened to that person, you could go on putting one foot in front of another. You have to believe that if you don't want the other person to worry themselves to death over you. 

I think it's actually detrimental to love to think to yourself, well, we're married, so this other person has to put up with me no matter how I behave. I wrote in April 2010:

The fact is that I can't see the future. I learned a long time ago that you don't just say "I do" and it's done. I'm a different person than I was when I got married eight years ago, and so is my husband. We have to wake up every single morning and -- without so much as coffee -- choose each other again. And when I choose him, I'm not choosing the man I married when we were 28. I'm choosing the man he is now.

If you keep choosing that other person with your eyes wide open over years of good times and bad, that love deepens. While bagging on Twilight, I wrote:

Diana's romance illustrates what I know to be true about many happy couples -- they met when they were young. Maybe they even fell in love when they were young. But, as she writes, true love -- the kind that lasts fifty years -- is something that brews over time spent bailing each other out from crises, from facing real life and sometimes mundane challenges and achievements.

I realize my opinion in favor of marital term limits won't be a popular one, even with members of my family. I do hope it's clear that I'm not talking about spiritual or religious marriage -- I'm talking about the legal documents that make separating in the case of two people falling out of love something that requires lawyering up and involving the family court system. Falling out of love with someone is bad enough -- to have to be financially devastated and prolong the experience just adds legal insult to emotional injury.

I do think people should be very sure before they get married. I do think people should commit to working things out if at all possible. 

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the U.S. has the highest divorce rate out of us, Denmark, Canada, Japan, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, the Netherlands, Spain, Sweden and the U.K.

I have some other arguments for term limits in my BlogHer post. I hate to divide the conversation, so I'm going to close comments here and ask that if you'd like to respond that you do it there. 

I'm not anti-love. I'm not anti-commitment. I think it's incredibly romantic to choose the other person every day for the rest of your life, as I do every day with Beloved. I don't see how separating the legal from the spiritual hurts my bond with him in any way. I'm actually surprised people are unwilling to see the difference between the legal bond and the spiritual or romantic one. Am I insane?