I've been here in Austin at the first Dad 2.0 for two days now, and so far my take-away is how good my husband and I have it. Both our fathers are alive and active in our lives and our daughter's life. My husband is a world-class father and an amazing example of how to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. He has friends who are dads and indeed capable of talking about parenting with him, if he really wants to (I suspect they talk more about work and sports, but these guys are well-rounded awesome men married to powerful, well-rounded women). I don't know how Beloved feels about his support network, but I feel really good about it. My vision of modern fathers is one of an engaged, enlightened generation of guys who come home from work and talk to their kids about their homework or get on the floor with their babies. It's easy to forget it was just a generation or so ago that wasn't necessarily the case as a cultural norm.

What I'm learning from the men here is that they're as WTF about beer commercials as I am. They are tired of being portrayed in the media as inept cavemen incapable of diapering a baby or ignoring a hot twentysomething. 

They're trying to change the way they talk to their sons about being a man. Instead of squishing emotions, they are facing them and writing about them. They're -- along with moms, I believe -- open to recognizing just good parenting rather than good mothering or good fathering. Men and women do bring different elements to the table as we talk to our kids about puberty or heterosexual relationships, but the act of making dinner for your child or reading her a bedtime story or dropping her off at a friend's house -- no different. There's nothing gendered about most of parenting. 

Having these conversations with fathers who are also writers has been really fun for me. Writers tend to be a different breed just in general, more likely to talk about their feelings with total strangers. I'm accustomed to having these breakthrough conversations with women having been a very active member of the BlogHer community for the past six years, but prior to this conference I've only had those conversations with men outside my family and close friend group with two or three male bloggers, one of whom was in Sleep Is for the Weak. It's not lost on me the same guy who was one of the first guys to talk to me frankly, honestly, as a friend, with no weirdness, about parenting, is the same guy who co-founded Dad 2.0.

It's been a great conference, so far, and I'm excited to meet more of these guys today and tonight. I'm here with BlogHer.com editor-in-chief Stacy Morrison, as well as Polly Pagenhart and Shannon Carroll from the BlogHer conference team, and we're having a great experience. Way to go, Doug and John, and especially you, Doug, old friend and dad blogger extraordinaire. 

It's interesting -- David Wescott tweeted at me this:

@dwescott1 #dad2summit, great mombloggers are here, "rooting for" dads. would be the same if dads had a 5yr headstart?

I didn't say anything much on Twitter, but when I ran into David yesterday I said, "Well, look at Congress." And we stared at each other for a second, both sort of dismayed about that. I wasn't blaming him and he wasn't pitying me, we were both just sort of WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY is more than half the population so underrepresented in power positions in America? And WHY WHY WHY are we still acting like a penis disqualifies a man from being able to make a dentist appointment for his son?

I hope women and men as we go forward can look at parenting just as parenting and look at working just as working and recognize that all people bring something valuable to the table based on personality, not on gender. The world is changing, and I want to see it move toward true partnership between men and women instead of one-upsmanship and competition. Who's with me?

As the Corolla sits stinking up my garage, Beloved is back in the Ozarks. And it's occuring to me I don't actually even know where. Have I learned nothing? I mean, I talked to him last night and this morning, and I forgot to ask both times. He was somewhere last night and he'll probably be somewhere different tonight, and after ten or twelve different times of him road warrioring his way across Missouri every week, I've grown more accustomed to this new life of ours. The only problem is my absent-mindedness. I have my head in my novel, and that means I forget to do stuff like turn on the coffee pot and ask my husband where he's sleeping.

There. I just texted him.

And printed my boarding pass for my flight tomorrow to Dad 2.0.

My parents will be here soon to be here for the little angel when she gets home from school because Beloved will get in late on Thursday.

I worry about my parents driving down here. I worry about Beloved driving around Missouri. I worry about me flying to Austin. But that's what people do. They move freely about, even though it's a dangerous world out there. It does no good to sit in your house and hide from that world.

When the worry comes, I try to imagine a big windshield wiper sweeping across my thoughts and pushing them away. Sometimes it helps.

Sometimes I just crawl back into the novel in my head, where I control whether or not there are tornadoes.

I had this sweater. I loved it. It was v-necked and it clung in the right places and had three-quarter sleeves and a little sweater belt. Soft gray. HAD. I HAD this sweater. Until last Saturday, when it died a very ugly death at The Vine in Iowa City, Iowa ... while I was wearing it.

The Vine is known for its wings. There were fourteen of us, my three college roommates, some of our husbands, all of our progeny. We waited an hour for our food. The children got squirmy. Things were spilled. I was sitting in a booth with my friend Kristin on one side and her daughter on the other side. We barely had room for our elbows, but when the food came we practically shoved our faces in the baskets to get it in our bellies faster.

In the aftermath, baskets and plates covered the table completely -- there were six of us shoved into this little tiny booth in the corner. In an attempt to keep the food away from my pretty sweater, my favorite sweater, I picked up a plate and a basket containing the remains of my SUPERHOT wings, caught an edge, and watched in horror as the basket flew through the air and landed squarely on my right shoulder. 

I was covered in SUPERHOT sauce. The grease and bright-red-and-pepper sauce literally dripped from my pretty gray sweater and one of the pairs of jeans that I had to try on 45 pairs to find. 

I know, the injustice!

Everyone at the table looked at me in shock, then rightly erupted in laughter. I wanted to laugh, but at that moment, I just sat there and felt the dripping and let my mind go 100% blank into my safe place in which I wasn't sitting in a crowded college town restaurant with seven children and six adults looking like Dexter's latest victim and smelling like chili powder. 

After sort of dabbing at it with a napkin, I realized I was going to have to go to the bathroom to at least get it to stop dripping before I got into a car like that. I don't know if anyone looked at me, because I just stared straight ahead. When I got to the bathroom, I realized just how bad the damage was, so I did what felt right -- I braved walking through the restaurant again, got my coat, went back to the bathroom and replaced the stinking, hot-sauce-coated sweater with my winter coat.

We tried. We really did. In the end, the barbecue sauce won. RIP pretty gray sweater. (sob!)

In other news, yesterday I made a guide for not freaking out in severe weather. (I know.) You should go read it.

Happy Monday -- I hope you had a lovely weekend and are gearing up for an excellent week. Of note in my sphere is that I will be introducing the new Boston Mamas contributors very soon, diving into book writing mode (Asha and I just started a Minimalist Parenting Facebook page if you'd like to join in there; plus we'll be developing a book site soon), building a couple of websites, and last but definitely not least is that Violet is turning one soon. It's so cliche but I truly don't know where the time has gone! So, all of this is to say that my mind is percolating with all sorts of very happy things right now. But anyway, back to you! Here are some handy/fun ideas to consider in this week's Weekly Blueprint:
March 6: Cause-minded foodies will delight in the Taste of the South End, which benefits the AIDS Action Committee of MA.

March 6: Meet the sugar maples.

March 7: Visit a tortoise and hare.

March 8: If you missed it yesterday, you have another chance to join in this International Women's Day celebration.

March 8: Celebrate Women's History Month.

March 9-10: For those who also have a place in their heart for youth theatre -- an original play with music.

March 9-11 +16-18: All hail the Pied Piper.

At your leisure: Find ways to pay it forward. Every month I have committed to carving out a couple of hours to help someone I care about with a project. I just finished one such project and felt so happy to help lift up someone I love!

At your leisure: Taxes. Ugh, I really need to do this. I'm going to try putting on some great tunes to help make me feel happier while I reconcile paperwork.

At your leisure: And some reading around the web:

• Why do so many divorced parents in movies get back together?
• Three yummy smoothie recipes.
• Getting out of the it's faster if I just do it myself rut.
• Everyday denim inspiration.
• Printable shamrock garland.

Image credit: Rage Against the Minivan

So last week, Beloved lived through a tornado. Our Corolla, unfortunately, did not. It's totalled, according to the insurance company. Still, we had plans to go to Iowa on Friday for a reunion with three of my four college roommates (the fourth lives in DC and has a new bebe), so ONWARD! we went. 

Now I'm sitting here looking at a full to-do list, a wrecked and increasingly stinky car and an upcoming business trip to Dad 2.0 on Thursday. My parents are coming down Wednesday because Beloved's job keeps him from being anywhere near our front door when the little angel gets home on the bus, and I'll be gone through Sunday. They'll leave on Saturday when Beloved can fully take over again. 

Last night the little angel had a fever, which appears to be gone now, so she went to school, and I have I hope a babysitter coming at 4:30 because I have a board meeting across town tonight. 

This is working parenthood. This is life.

Hi! I stink!

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Today, Lindsey (also of A Design So Vast) recommends a small book with big meaning:

My children have many, many books. I read them all, but I have a few special favorites. The Ant and the Elephant is one of these. Bill Peet's lovely story speaks of the importance of kindness to all and also of the immense power that is contained in cooperation and goodwill.
The Ant and the Elephant begins with an ant finding himself stranded on a lone branch after scrambling out of a fast-moving stream. He asks a turtle for help, and receives an abrupt refusal to help. "If I went racing about helping everyone who was in trouble I'd have no time to relax," the turtle tells the ant before ambling off to sun himself.

It doesn't take long for the turtle to find himself in peril, and when he asks a bird for help he is similarly rudely dismissed. On and on these rude denials of assistance go, threading up the food chain through bigger and bigger animals. The bird rejects the turtle, as do the giraffe, the lion, and the rhino in turn. Finally, an elephant comes rumbling through the forest. He hears the ant calling for help and without hesitation he goes to his aid. The delighted ant says, "How can I ever thank you enough?" and the elephant replies, "It was no big thing." "But it was a big thing for me," responds the ant, and in that line we reach the central theme of Bill Peet's book. Sometimes the smallest effort can have an enormous positive impact.

Later in the day, the elephant is the one who finds himself in trouble. He falls into a hidden ravine and lands on his back, wedged into a position from which he cannot move. After hours of lying in the deep pit and wondering how he will get out, he hears the ant's tiny voice. The grateful ant heard the elephant's cries for help and came to his aid, accompanied with 95,000 of his friends. The elephant thanks the ant for his offer to help, but doubts his ability to do so. But the thousands of ants come together are able to gradually hoist the elephant out of the ravine. The cooperation of 95,000 of the earth's tiniest animals is enough to lift one of its largest.

"That was tremendous!" the elephant exclaims when he is out of the hole. "I can't believe it!" "It was nothing," the ants demur. "Nothing for you," the elephant replies, echoing the ant's comment earlier that same day. "But a mighty big thing for me." And the ants hop on the elephant's back, hitching a ride through the forest back to their hill. Bill Peet's simple parable reminds us that the biggest and the smallest can work together and demonstrates the ways in which that cooperation can literally move mountains.

Happy almost first weekend of March! It's been a crazy week here, as it always seems to be following school vacation and travel (my inbox was a particularly scary place on Monday since my phone was cranky and I couldn't triage messages from the road), and I'm really looking forward to the weekend, despite the fact that one thing I need to do involves prepping for taxes! I hope you have a great weekend; here are 11 fun weekend picks for your consideration -- enjoy!
1. An event perfect for ballet fans. (Acton)

2. Sensory walk + yoga = awesome. (Belmont)

3. Free skating and skate rentals for a cause. (Cambridge)

4. Dinosaurs and more at Paleo Planet. (Cambridge)

5. Introduce kids to International Women's Day. (Concord)

6. Freeskate kickoff party at Mansfield Crossing. (Mansfield)

7. Stomp your way through a good story. (Medford)

8. Boil sap to syrup. (Somerville)

9. A musical representation of the American journey. (Watertown)

10. Explore Latin American music and culture. (Watertown)

11. For those south of the city, join in a Seussational celebration. (Providence, RI)

Image credit: Last Bostonian Skating

Last year I engaged in a quest to find the perfect shade of red lipstick. After I found it (more on that in a second), I reserved the look for evenings, but recently started sporting a red lip periodically for day events. At BlissDom, I decided to rock the red lip every day since my makeup is pretty neutral and I feel more finished with a bold lip. And I was admittedly a little shocked by the result -- I received countless compliments (including people I didn't know stopping me in my tracks!), and also many comments such as "Oh, I could never do that," or "I have no idea how to find the right color." So today, I wanted to share my 5 steps to red lips. Really, I think anyone can pull this off and it looks spectacular!

1. Seek professional consultation. If you are, like me, paralyzed when it comes to picking shades at the drugstore, visit a professional cosmetics counter. Yes, the high end products are more expensive than the drugstore products, but I probably spent more money experimenting (and failing) with drugstore shades compared to what I paid for the right colors. And make sure the folks at the counter actually assess your skin tone and try the shade on you before you buy it. I had one unfortunate encounter at Sephora (a place I typically love) where I asked for red lipstick recommendations and the salesperson simply picked out the bestselling store color and rang me up. I tried it on at home and it looked terrible and I ended up returning it. I was smarter the second time around and ended up at the Chanel counter at Nordstrom. They not only advised that the deep red I was envisioning would look Goth and not great on me, but they selected a fantastic shade that works well both for night and day.

2. Invest in the tools. At a professional makeup counter, you may be tempted to skip the lip pencil to save money, but you will need the pencil to help set the lines and prevent color bleed (aka "feathering") around the lips. Following my Chanel consult, I purchased the Carmin #14 lip liner and Gabrielle #19 lipstick. The lip liner is especially awesome because it comes with a lipstick brush built into the other side. (Note: I was surprised to see how pink and brown, respectively, these products look online -- all the more reason why you should go for an in person consult and save online shopping for once you have established your colors.)

3. Budget in extra time. Because red is such a strong color, I find that it requires more application precision than my usual super quick lip pencil + gloss. Allocate 10 or so extra minutes in your routine to quickly exfoliate your lips (I simply run a warm washcloth gently over my lips), add a little lip balm to moisturize, then apply the pencil and lipstick (use the brush for nice clean lines). Once you're done, make sure you bring your lipstick and lip liner with you, as you will probably need to touch up periodically.

4. Maintenance. Red lipstick is, admittedly, a little more high maintenance. It's definitely an eat-with-a-fork instead of chow-down-a-burrito type of lip color. However, I did not find that I needed to build in extra stops -- at BlissDom, I simply checked my color whenever I happened to use the bathroom. Later in the day, I did find I needed to deal with a little feathering -- easily remedied by running a bit of tissue along the edges of my lips to clean up the color bleed then reapplying. Also, make sure you check your teeth after application!

5. Try it. Own it. Many women who asked me about wearing red lipstick said they loved the look but "just couldn't do it" or that it would "look terrible on them." Yet, when I asked if they had ever tried, they said no, it was too intimidating. I conveyed the importance of steps 1-2, and that knowing you have the right shade helps with the confidence-to-wear factor (it certainly did for me!). Then once you procure the red, OWN IT. Try it at an evening event first, just to get your legs under you, then try it during the day. This may take a while -- I found my red January 2011 and it wasn't until the last couple of months that I started wearing it for day events, and then BlissDom was the first time that I have ever Gwen Stefani'd it and worn red three days straight. As I mentioned earlier, I loved how it looked and was shocked by the positive response!

Will you try red lipstick? I'm curious! You can see my red BlissDom lips here, and if you're feeling really inspired and want to share, post up a photo of you rocking your red lips at the Boston Mamas Facebook page. It would be so fun to see your lovely faces!

Image credit: Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One of the most stressful parts about Violet's recent state of plague was that for the better part of a week she refused bottles and pretty much all solid food, save occasional bites of cheese and blueberries. The logical part of my brain knew that she would eventually drink and eat again, but I was still concerned about dehydration and getting her some calories, particularly because she was so limp and sad and not herself during this time.
During this period, an unexpected little miracle arrived in the mail: samples from Plum Organics. I have known about Plum for a couple of years, but I haven't purchased starter purees of any kind since I've been making baby food (the Beaba Babycook makes it absurdly easy to do so), and at this point, Violet has largely moved on to finger food chunks. However, when I opened the box, I decided to try the purees. Not only had I not seen these yogurt/fruit/veggie and fruit/grain blends before, but it occurred to me that if Violet would actually eat them, she would get a little more fluid in her by way of the liquid content in the purees.

And to my enormous glee and relief, I approached her first with the apple-spinach yogurt blend and she gobbled it up. I also presented some of the apple/raisin/quinoa blend and she gobbled that up too. For the next couple of days, we continued to present her usual foods and she gradually started taking them again, but she readily consumed these purees on each presentation. {Cue angels singing.}

I'm not sure if it was the food novelty factor, the comfort of being spoon fed (as I mentioned, Violet has moved on to finger foods, save yogurt), the taste blend, or something unbeknownst to me (Vi still hasn't sprouted any teeth, so we wondered whether gum pain and not wanting to mash on solids was contributing to her food rejection), but these products were a saving grace. It was a huge relief to see Violet get some calories, and at the risk of a TMI moment, the liquid content of the purees also helped her on the output side.

Violet is finally back to her usual cheerful self, eating her solids, but we are keeping these pouches on hand as a handy and convenient back up/supplement. I especially like having the fruit and grain blends in our arsenal because other than brown rice and quinoa, I never cook millet, barley, or amaranth so it's nice to have those grain options in rotation for variety.

As of this writing, these two new Plum products haven't been fully released in stores. I learned this the hard way when I ran to Whole Foods panicking in dismay in the baby food aisle when this was the only food Violet would eat! After writing the Plum Organics representative who sent the samples, she informed me that the products are available at Toys "R" Us (here are the links for the fruit/veggie/yogurt and fruit/grain blends), then they'll be available at Target in March, Safeway in April, and Whole Foods later in the spring. We've tried every variety except the fruit/grain blend including mango (since we think Vi might be allergic to mango) and all have been consumed happily!