There is a present on the very last slide.
We're doing some stuff to the kitchen in Chateau Travolta. I know, we've been doing stuff to it for the past five years, but this time, it's personal. As such, I have over half of the stuff that was in our cupboards sitting in tubs in my office, where I work. This is a little like working in the back storage area of Goodwill. As someone who gets anxious with too much clutter, I've found it's important to not look backwards, much as a mountain climber should not look down.
As I was taking the stuff out of the drawers and cupboards, I was tempted to donate more than half of it. We've been working from about one-fourth of our normal stash of tableware, and except that it's not the cute stuff, I've barely noticed. Beloved and I are of different minds about kitchenware.
I'm a slash-and-burn minimalist about pretty much everything but books. He's a yes-we-do-need-to-keep-eight-Pyrex-bowls type. If I let him have his way, he'd have at least twenty more one-use kitchen appliances than we have. I question the need for even a waffle iron. We have a waffle iron, and also a milkshake maker. (!)
Today I was reading Tanis Miller's ode to Tupperware, and I thought how funny our relationships to our food preparation and storage accouterments are. I fear many of my cupboards, because things have a tendency of falling on my head -- PARTICULARLY TUPPERWARE. And also, occasionally, chocolate chips, because all the baking stuff is stuffed into one tiny upper cupboard. I live in fear of the day the open baking soda box will submit to gravity.
Does one need eight Pyrex bowls? Am I alone in my disdain for 32 drinking glasses?
THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE is one of my favorite childhood books. I love it so. I remember when I got the Chronicles of Narnia boxed set. I remember what the shelves of the book warehouse (back before those were common) looked like. It was with great excitement I started reading TLTW&TW to the little angel.
She was bored until Aslan made the scene. Of course, once Aslan shows up, everything gets good. Always.
Then we got to the scene with the Stone Table, and as I was reading, she looked up at me from where she'd been snuggled into the crook of my arm.
Her: "Are you CRYING?"
Me: "Yes. I love this part."
She gave me the long look that only a child on the edge of adolescence can muster: that mixture of shock, amusement and horror at what her previously esteemed parent is saying. Then she put her head back down and we kept going to the part where Lucy and Susan hear the table crack.
Me: (sniff)
Her: "Seriously?"
Me: "What? It's amazing. I love it. Aslan knew the deeper magic, and he came back."
Her: "ASLAN'S A ZOMBIE?"
Me: "Yes, you're right. He's a zombie, and I've failed at your literary education."
Her: "The ending is pretty good. I like this book."
Read my review and enter to win a copy of fellow InkSpell Publishing author Lisa Voisin's The Watcher, as well as an angel-wing necklace, on Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews!
I'm really excited to share this news. I'm on the board at The Writers Place and will talking about prose and THE OBVIOUS GAME on one of the workshop days.
Now Enrolling for Writers' Block Summer Youth Workshops
The Writers Place is currently enrolling students ages 12 - 18 in itssummer writing workshops. Featuring published, experiencedwriters/instructors and renowned guest speakers the workshops beinteractive and exciting. To enroll click here.
Writers Place members may enroll for both weeks on this Web page,at the reduced rate of $125 for both weeks — then selecting "Additem(s) to your cart," and proceeding to checkout, using a debit orcredit card to pay tuition on our secure site. Members can use this pageto enroll only in the first week on Poetry (July 8-12); or use this page to enroll only in the second week on Prose (July 8-12) — both at the weekly rate of $75/enrollee.
Non-members in The Writers Place members may enroll for both weeks on this page ($150/enrollee). Non-members can use this page to enroll only in the first week on Poetry (July 8-12); or use this page to enroll only in the second week on Prose (July 8-12) — both at the rate of $100/enrollee.
But do the math, non-members! Studentmemberships are just $20/year, and regular members' children qualify formember-rate enrollment in this special program: Why not join TheWriters Place, for immediate savings? You can do so by first visiting our membership page and signing up, then "continue shopping" to add your workshop selection from the "Member Store."
Joining The Writers Place will bring you a full 12 months of other benefits, too, listed under "Membership" on this Web page.
My sister has pulsatile tinnitus. You can read more about it here. She's had it for years and has spent thousands of dollars trying to not hear her heart in her ear every single day of her life. Imagine the Tell-Tale Heart. That's her. And there are other whooshers, but because there's no diagnostic code for it, pulsatile tinnitus gets lumped in with regular tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and thus is harder to get treated.
Sign this petition to get it a new diagnostic code? They need 1,500 signatures and are so close.
This morning while waiting for the bus, my daughter and I were looking at the llama picture I have saved to my desktop. I got it somewhere from StumbleUpon and I don't remember where. It doesn't matter, any llama picture will do. I have the llama on the desktop because the llama makes me happy. How can you look at a llama and not smile?
We started talking about things that make us laugh when we are stressed out. I told her about the motivational wolf my sister sent me years ago. I guess the motivational wolf is a whole thing -- I tried to figure out where it started and I guess I'm going to blame Reddit. My wolf looks like this.
Try to source me, motherfucker.
My daughter sort of didn't get the humor in my motivational wolf, which I suppose makes sense, because she hasn't yet had to replace toner. She thought I should have a motivational cow instead, because it would be ... wait for it ... moo-tivational.
This story is going nowhere, but the llama plus the wolf plus the cow reminded me of the reviews of this wolf t-shirt on Amazon, which are nothing short of comedy gold.
Today that is all I have. I also wrote about muffin tops on BlogHer.
Setting: Waiting for school bus
Her: Your breath smells like coffee.
Me: Your hair smells like hair.
Her: Your coat smells like cold.
Me: Good one.
This Friday night at 7 pm, I'm going to be reading from THE OBVIOUS GAME with my former professor and mentor, Michael Pritchett, author of THE MELANCHOLY FATE OF CAPT. LEWIS. (Yes, it's THAT Capt. Lewis. The one who hung out with Clark.) I'm not sure if Michael will be reading from TMFoCL or his novel-in-progress, but I have heard him read from both, and his stage delivery is awesome. You'll be quite convinced he hates writing with the power of a thousand suns, but you know, in a good way. I find it existentially hilarious.
It has occurred to me that I should probably practice for this reading. I have never read from a novel before. I have also not had too much time to get nervous about it, because last week MAJOR CHRISTIAN RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY and also MOMMY TOTALLY UNDERDELIVERED ON THE EASTER BASKET and then THIS SATURDAY IS THE LITTLE ANGEL'S BIRTHDAY and then OUR CAT JUST DIED AND A BUNCH OF OTHER CRAZY SHIT WENT DOWN IN OUR PERSONAL LIVES and well, holy hell. It's Monday, I don't have a birthday card for my daughter yet (I do have the big gift, but she probably needs some other little things to open), I don't have a game plan for anything and I'm taking a SEWING CLASS on Thursday, the night before my parents and sister arrive to stay with us for said reading and birthday party and oh, holy hell, I hope I've scrubbed the smell of Buttonsworth's last accident out of the playroom carpet (hydrogen peroxide and baking soda).
If you want to attend the reading, all the details are on this Evite. The reading will be from 7-9 at The Writers Place in Kansas City. Both Michael and I will have some books for sale or to sign, and I'll bring some signed bookplates for anyone who wants one unless I run out. Thanks, as always, for all your support of my writing. It means so much.
Thanks so much, everyone, for all your kind words about Buttonsworth. I'm still in a period of mourning and distracting myself with work, so today I'm going to put up a how-to post on surviving road trips. Not that I have any experience or anything.
My husband, daughter and I live in Kansas City. Both sets of our parents live in Iowa. Which means: road trips. Lots of them. Like almost every month, and the drive is from three to five hours each way.
You'd think in the era of portable DVD players, iPads, iPhones and NOOKs that entertaining oneself in the car for a few hours would be cheesecake. This, unfortunately, is not the case. My daughter just started liking to play digital games in the last year. I may not win any mother-of-the-year awards for saying this, but there were days when I would beg her to just play a game so I didn't have to play one more round of I Spy while twisting myself around so uncomfortably in the front seat to look at her that I actually pulled a back muscle once. Here are some ways to pass the time we've developed for our now eight-year-old road-tripper.
Credit Image: Damian Gadal on Flickr
Stories
This is a broad category that includes everything from reading a story to writing a story to her writing a bit and then me writing a bit to her creating graphic novels. There are many websites that let you turn a story your child writes into a book. (Speaking of that, I have three sitting here on my desk to be scanned and converted!)
Word Games
Think of the game show that is least annoying to you and try to convert it to a car version. I personally like Wheel of Fortune, so we play Hangman a lot. Although -- hangman? Seriously? Who came up with this draconian way of losing? I'd like to say I've come up with a kinder, gentler version, but I haven't. I just try really hard not to lose.
Conversation
How many times do you actually make conversation -- like cocktail party conversation -- with your kid? I usually don't -- we talk about what happened that day or what we're having for dinner or how she really feels strongly she does not have enough pairs of leggings. On road trips, I've learned how her favorite color has changed from blue to purple, who her friends are, what she wants to be when she grows up and whether or not she thinks she'll have kids. Some of my favorite conversations have happened in the car.
So, there you have it. Trust me, I'm no saint -- these are the things I go to AFTER she has watched as many movies as she will watch and played as many games as she will play and read as many books as she will read. I hate riding in cars for long periods of time and prefer to spend my own time working on a novel or with my nose in a book. But if we must interact while trapped in a small box for hours, these are my favorite ways to do it.
How do you survive roadies?