Today’s Dear Boston Mamas query comes from reader Jenn:

"Christine, how did you handle Halloween with Laurel and Violet? Specifically, when did you allow them to start going door to door and how did you curb their candy intake? My husband thinks Halloween candy is the gateway to disaster and serious addictions to junk food/candy afterwards."

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Dear Jenn,

Thanks for writing in! My view on candy is like many things: in moderation and with some general guidelines it is totally fine. I think the real problem comes when you restrict completely. I've seen this happen with other families and also am speaking from personal experience...my parents were super restrictive with sweets and I became a lunatic driven to shoplifting Swedish fish. I truly wish the convenience store from which I procured my Swedish fish was still there so I could pay them back.

First, regarding age, babies obviously won't collect/eat candy. Laurel wasn't interested in going door to door until she was 3 but last Halloween Violet (at 2 years old) wanted to go out with her sister and it was more about the acquisition than anything else. In fact, last week we discovered her pumpkin bucket in the closet, still full of candy!

Now, here are my 8 tips for handling the Halloween candy craze. Both Laurel and Violet love sweet treats, but we have been able to establish a decent balance by keeping to the below guidelines.

1. Real food first. A good rule of thumb is that real food consumption – ideally including fruits and vegetables – must precede sugar. The whole, “everyone who eats a good dinner can have a treat afterwards” thing does work.

2. Teach moderation. Kids do naturally self-regulate, but as they get older (and their eyes get bigger than their stomach) you may need to remind them about moderation. We’ve always encouraged the girls to listen to their stomachs and in the face of something richer than usual, offer a reminder such as, "Is your tummy starting to hurt? Don't eat until you get sick." (If your kid had an experience in the past where they ate treats until they got a stomach ache, this is a good time to remind them of that feeling.) This approach has worked really well.

3. Set firm limits. Decide on a fixed limit for consumption. For example, allow 1-2 pieces of candy after a meal, no negotiations.

4. Be consistent. Whatever rule you set up in #3, BE CONSISTENT. This is the key to almost everything with parenting. The less consistent you are, the more your (clever) children will realize they can beg and whine until you cave in. Less begging and whining = good! BE CONSISTENT!

5. Limit the drama. Kids feed off our emotions. Like 100% restriction, the bigger a deal you make of it, the more they will want it. Just be matter of fact about your decisions and limit the drama.

6. Make teeth brushing contingent on eating candy. It’s amazing how the nuisance of teeth brushing (not at the typical teeth brushing times) will kill the desire for eating candy. But even if it doesn’t, it’s a good thing to follow candy consumption with teeth brushing.

7. Teach about consequences. If candy consumption really becomes a difficult issue, teach your kids about consequences. Give it away via a local buy back or donation to the troops. Trust me, they will remember next year.

8. Change the giving rules in your home. If you want to model less candy, try passing out Halloween candy alternatives. It will show them that there can be other ways to celebrate.

Do you have other effective ways to handle the Halloween candy crazy at home? Feel free to share in the comments below!

Image credit: candy corns via Pixabay.com

Today’s Dear Boston Mamas query comes from Kristen: 

Hi Christine, I'm hoping you can help me. Our family will be visiting Boston this July (from Canada) with our 19 month old daughter. We are staying near the Boston Common and are looking for some things to do with her. From my research the aquarium looks great, but the Children's museum seems to be for older kids. Can you suggest some things we should check out with her? I'm looking for attractions (outside/inside, paid/free) and any good restaurants to check out with her.

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Hi Kristen, I’m so excited for you to visit Boston -- you and your family will love it here! If you want to peruse further, I’ve written here, here, here, and here about visiting Boston with kids, but for ease of browsing, and given that you are staying directly in the city with a toddler, I have 8 specific recommendations:

1. Boston Common + the Public Garden. It’s great that you’re staying near the Common because you’ll have lots to do right there, what with the playground, spray pond, carousel, and Swan Boats. Be sure to snap a photo at the Make Way For Duckling statues, which are near the corner park entrance close to Charles Street. Speaking of which, if you have time to meander down Charles Street, be sure to hit these Beacon Hill gems, which include some kid-friendly food recommendations.

2. The Waterfront. The Aquarium is always a hit, and the Rose F. Kennedy Greenway offers wonderful space to run around, there's a carousel, and nearby Christopher Columbus Park offers access to a playground and water play. I recently ate at City Landing, right along the Greenway and it was super yummy (I highly recommend the yellow tomato bisque + avocado and crab salad); they also offer a kid's menu.

3. The North End. Not far from the waterfront is the North End, where you can grab pizza cafeteria-style, delicious gelato, and more. If spectacle is your thing, your travel timing accommodates, and your toddler doesn’t mind crowds, you might also have the opportunity to view a North End feast.

4. Cruise the Harbor. I’m actually thinking about going on a whale watch soon with my girls (ages 3 and 9), but if you want something a little less spendy you can cruise 20+ waterfront stops via water taxi for only $10 (kids under 12 ride free).

5. Play in the Back Bay. You’ll be very close to the Back Bay area (famous for Newbury Street shopping). Be sure to check out these Back Bay gems (which include kid-friendly dining recommendations), including the Esplanade Play Space and Clarendon Street Playground, which your toddler will enjoy.

6. Cultured craft time. If you’d like to merge culture (for you), crafts (for your toddler), and air conditioning (for everyone), family programming is regularly offered at the Institute of Contemporary Art and the Museum of Fine Arts.

7. Feast at Flour. I really love Flour Bakery for a quick bite to eat that doesn’t break the bank but still feels special. There are three Boston locations: Fort Point, South End, Back Bay.

8. The Weekly Blueprint + Weekend Roundup. Finally, just before your trip, I recommend checking out the latest Weekly Blueprint (published every Monday; see example here) and Weekend Roundup (published every Friday; see example here). These weekly posts include a curated collection of special events for the upcoming week and weekend, making planning easy!

I hope this is helpful and that you have a wonderful time in Boston!

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Have a question for Christine? Drop her a line! And of course feel free to comment in if you have recommendations beyond those made above.

Image credit: 1) FreeDigitalPhotos.net; 2) Christine Koh

Today's Dear Boston Mamas query comes from reader Dina, who is looking for a convertible car seat that's easy to install in and out of rental cars. Though I became facile at installing Vi's infant car seat in and out of Zipcars, by the time she outgrew the seat we had acquired a regular car. So I turned to my friend Sheri Gurock, co-owner of toy and gear haven Magic Beans for a guest response.

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Here's Dina's specific query (including some of her preliminary research):

Hi Christine,

We are a car-less family with an 11-month-old child living in Coolidge Corner. Our daughter has just about outgrown her infant car seat and so we are looking to buy a convertible seat that we can use when we drive Zipcars. The seat must be light enough to carry to a car and relatively easy to install rear facing. Basically it seems like there are no good options for urban families who use cars occasionally. The best we've been able to find are 2 seats - the Cosco Seneca and the Combi Coccoro. However, the Cosco seems to be hard to install rear facing according to Amazon and the Combi reviews are conflicting about ease of installation. No one seems to carry the Combi in the Boston area so we can't really check this out for ourselves (Amazon will only let you return a seat if the box is unopened). Any advice? What do other car-less families do?

Thanks, Dina

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And here's Sheri's response:

Dear Dina,

Unfortunately, what you're looking for doesn't really exist. The seats that are the easiest to install generally have pretty hefty safety features, which keeps them on the heavier side. The reason you're reading conflicting things about the ease of use for certain car seats is because the installation will vary from car to car. In some cars, installing a certain seat will be a breeze, while in others it can be a 20 minute project. If you use Zipcar, you need to really become an expert with whatever seat you choose, since you're likely to be installing it in a few different ways, depending on the make and model of the car you're using on any particular day.

My advice would be to look at the Chicco NextFit. It weighs 25 pounds, so it is not the most portable option, but it is extremely easy to install both rear- and forward-facing in most situations. The schlepping from your home to the car is probably a good trade-off for the quick installation once you get to the car. You can also get the Britax Travel Cart and use it to wheel the NextFit from place to place, rather than carry it. Another option to look out for is the new Clek Fllo, a compact convertible car seat coming from Clek later this summer. I haven't had a chance to play with it yet, but if it is easy to install, it could be a nice option for you.

Chicco NextFit

While I was researching this, I found a pretty awesome Google doc that lists the specifications for all convertible car seats, including seat weight. It might be useful if you're really committed to finding something lightweight.

Whatever you choose, I'd recommend making an appointment with a CPST. Explain your situation and ask the CPST to tell you as much as s/he can about your particular seat. Learn how to install it with LATCH and with a seatbelt, and practice it in a few different positions in the back seat. That way, you'll have the training you need to feel confident installing the seat in a variety of different situations.

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Thanks for writing in Dina, and thanks so much for your guest response Sheri! If you have a question you'd like to submit for Dear Boston Mamas, e-mail it to: editor@bostonmamas.com with "Dear Boston Mamas" in the subject.

Image credits: Magic Beans

While I was en route to California this past weekend, I was so happy to have some quiet time to read through more of the Boston Mamas survey comments. Among the responses was a question that fit well both for the Dear Boston Mamas column, and given that I just guest posted at Rookie Moms about what I have learned in having a second child. Of course, a lot of the below would apply to 2+ children as well; if you have additional thoughts to share, feel free to do so in the comments!

Question: How is life with two kids? We are expecting #2 and I know it will be different but how? How are you managing? Is baby #2 on a schedule or on older child's schedule?

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Dear Lovely Reader:

Obviously, not every day of parenting is easy, but in general, I will say that I have been amazed by how wonderful life with two kids is. After several years of struggling with infertility, I finally made my peace with being a family of three. After which point of course I got pregnant. But from the very beginning Violet has felt as if she belongs with us. We feel so blessed.

It also has been excellent to experience parenting through a new lens; specifically, that of a laid back, experienced parent. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I have heard many people comment that subsequent kids are more laid back because their parents are more laid back, and this certainly has been the case for us.

Now, to address your questions about logistics: adding a new person to a family does, of course, involve adjustment. Here is how our transition has shaken out:

Morning routine: The period immediately coming home was the most chaotic, particularly since school was in session for Laurel and we still needed to be organized enough to get lunches together, keep on top of homework, and so forth. Since I was nursing and thus up with Violet quite a bit during the night, we simply decided that Jon would be the point person for Laurel in the morning. If I got up and could help, it was a bonus, but otherwise, Jon was on point to negotiate breakfast, finish Laurel's lunch packing (to cut down on morning chaos we assemble most of it the night before), handle the dreaded hair combing (admittedly, many days during that period of time it was rather nest-like...), make sure Laurel brushed her teeth, and get her off to school. Gradually, however, I was able to get back to helping, and now we're all up at pretty much the same time so it works out fine. Violet usually crawls around and pulls up on Laurel's chair while we take care of the morning routine.

During the day -- sleeping: This time around we're totally not worrying about watching the clock and sticking Violet to a sleep schedule, and it's been interesting to see Violet fall into a pattern naturally. In general, she's now up between 6:30am - 7:30pm and takes two naps during the day (like Laurel, she's a short napper -- usually just 45 minutes or so each time). But instead of trying to force naps on the clock, we wait until she's tired or just falls asleep (e.g., in stroller). It's so much easier and it's been great to put an awake but drowsy baby in the crib, walk away, and have her fall asleep on her own!

During the day -- eating: While we are very flexible about Violet's napping, the one thing I do try to pay attention to is her eating schedule. Because rather like me, Violet is much more affected in the cranky department by hunger than fatigue! Also, I found that the scheduling/details got a little more complicated when Violet started solids and I needed to keep track of what she was eating (to keep an eye out for allergies) and how to fit in solid feedings with nursing. Regarding suggested food process and schedule, I have found HappyBaby: The Organic Guide to Baby's First 24 Months (which was sent to me by the company) super helpful. And now that we're a couple of months into solid foods and we're on to real meals (vs. little bits of solids simply for exposure), we're now happily in a rhythm where Violet has solid foods at regular mealtimes and breastmilk first thing in the morning, as between-meal snacks, and at bedtime. Basically, it's easier to remember when to feed her because her solid food intake generally corresponds to our mealtimes!

Bedtime: One of the more challenging elements for us at the beginning was the end of the day. Pre-Violet, we used to put Laurel to bed and then the rest of the evening would be time for Jon and me to connect or for both of us to catch up on home and work matters. Early on Violet napped more during the day and was very awake during the window between Laurel and our bedtimes so Jon and I felt rather lacking in downtime. However, in the last couple of months, Violet has fallen into a pattern where she is ready to call it a night right around Laurel's bedtime. That has been quite lovely!

How the two kids' schedules intersect: Another major reason we don't fret over Violet's sleep schedule is because we have an elementary school aged kid with fixed things such as soccer practice or birthday parties or playdates on her schedule. Often times, Violet is a companion to many of Laurel's events -- we don't worry about the napping element (she tends to just fall asleep if she needs to on the go), but I do make sure I bring along food for her if we're going to be out during a meal. Also, I'm still nursing, so we always have extra nourishment at the ready if need be.

Every family system varies, and I would suggest that the most important thing to remember at the beginning is that yes, some days will be really, really hard, but that you will fall into a routine eventually and things will get easier. Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions!

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Image credit: Christine Koh (those are Laurel and Violet's feet!)

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Have a question for Christine? Drop her a line! And of course feel free to comment in if you have recommendations beyond those made above.