Posts tagged art history
The Great Unwashed
6a00d8341c52ab53ef017d40ab83a9970c-800wi.jpg

Every weekday morning that I manage to make it through my email before noon, I do a thing on Twitter/Facebook that I call #morningstumble. Basically I go to StumbleUpon and hit the button until I find something that makes me smile or makes me think, then I share it with that hashtag. It's one way of ensuring I'm not talking about my damn self all the time.

However, it often exposes my dirty little secret: there are huge swaths of culture that in my thirty-eight years I have missed. This morning, I tweeted this picture with the caption "I have no idea what is going on here, but the cats look pissed."

I happened to be on a conference call with my co-workers when I tweeted it, and no sooner had my fingers left the keyboard (I am not kidding, it was that fast), Stacy said, "Oh, Rita, you're JOKING! Right? RIGHT? You know what that picture is that you just tweeted?"

(crickets)

I could hear the panic creeping into her voice, something akin to when one sees one's friend drop ice cubes into a wine glass in front of their connoisseur other friend.

At this point, I realized it was something important I should know but clearly did not, so I just sat there to make it all worse. Sometimes when you're busted, you just have to own it.

"RITA! YOU KNOW THAT'S A VERY FAMOUS SELF-PORTRAIT BY SALVADOR DALI!"

Nope! And I just proved it very publicly!

I think it worried her more than it did me, because I'm currently in grips of an ongoing anxiety attack about something else, which I'm sure will pass in a few weeks. The fact that all I saw when I looked at that picture were some wet fucking cats should probably be more horrifying than it is.

And I actually felt comforted by the fact that though Stacy was taken aback by my unwashedness, she loves me enough to click on my links. REFRAMING! Look at me go!

 

Sarcophagus for Bears

I'm told I should start a Tumblr blog for these pictures. I'm too lazy to do that, so I'm creating a new category: Scenes I Walked in On. I'll try to go back and find all the others and tag them so they're in one place. I can't bear the thought of tracking more than one blog.

A few days ago, I walked into the living room after the little angel had gone to school and found this.

Loveseat
It reminded me of some horrible movie I saw in the eighties in which all the people were wrapped up by giant bees or spiders or something. With more than a little trepidation, I lifted the blanket.

And then I saw this.

Sarcophogusbears

So I did what any logical person would do. I tweeted the Nelson Atkins museum. We were just there. Looking at mummies.

Which is funny, because I always feel so dumb at art museums. While talking to the front desk folks, I forgot the word "sarcophagus." Then I got into an extended discussion  with a docent about a pieta in which I screwed up art terminology. I thought a pieta was any piece of art depicting Mary and baby Jesus. It's so not. It's Mary and dead Jesus, which is really much sadder than Mary and baby Jesus.

But he'd never heard of it either way, so I guess there's that.

Then the little angel asked me if it was okay to think art showing Jesus was really ugly, and I told her I thought the real Jesus would not be upset if she didn't like art created before people discovered foreshortening. She was extremely relieved. I actually remember having the exact same question about her age. They should really go through these things in church.

Lo and behold, the museum tweeted me back!

 

So then, just as I'm securing funding to send my little art genius off on her future career, I learned the truth. When she got home from school, I asked the little angel what up with the bears.

"Oh," she said. "They're sleeping. The light hurts their eyes."

Damn.