Posts in Writing
What's Up with the Language, Sailor?
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I once had a vice president who was reprimanded for his foul language.  So the legend goes, he was called into human resources and told there had been a complaint.  And he said something akin to "what's the fucking problem?"

I always did like that guy.

So anyway, thanks a lot, Average Jane, for showing me this site that measures things like how verbose you are (I am 121% higher than average) and how much you curse in your blog. You knew which one I was going to go for, didn't you? 

I admit I have let my tongue hang out a little too much in the past few weeks, because earlier this year I had kept Surrender, Dorothy pretty clean, for me. I do wish I was not so tempted to curse after a long day in the trenches of corporate America. 

But it feels SO GOOD.

I mean, those of you who have been with me for a while might remember the old "Warning: Might Contain "Fuck"" flag I had in the sidebar for a while after someone tried to get me fired for my language.

Didn't work, motherfucker.

So, in honor of sailor mouths everywhere, I present you my shame.

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

The Finger of God: Read This, Cry, And Post the Link

I'm cross-posting my husband's mind-bogglingly well-written essay today from Ain't No Free Lunches because I think he said it better than I can say it. I didn't grow up near there. I don't know Parkersburg. He did, and he does.  But we both know Iowa, we're from Iowa, and when something horrible happens to Iowa, someone walks on my grave.

As I've said before, I am fascinated by tornadoes.  They and the fear and awe of them have shaped my understanding of the Midwest for my entire life.  This blog is based on the idea that your life can be literally picked up and moved at any point by chaos or God or some other unpredictable storm.

We're praying for you, Parkersburg.  Surrender, Dorothy.

Parkersburg
Source: Des Moines Register

My wife and I were in Lawrence, KS on Sunday evening - enjoying a fabulous wedding reception with old friends we hadn't seen in awhile. About 11:30 pm I received the following text message from my brother: "f4 tornado hits parkersburg. town gone."

I've never had a message quite like that.

For those of you not familiar with my background - I grew up in a tiny community in NE Iowa. The size of a duck-fart, around 450 people. No stop lights. A single Catholic church. One gas station. Biggest employers are the local taverns. It's the type of town where you can mail something to just a name sans an address, and the postmaster will make sure it gets delivered. Every state has a town like this. They are all over the Midwest. Most have either died a slow death due to tough agricultural issues and lack of commercial industry. Some have been swallowed up by a neighboring city. In the case of my hometown, its only access is from 2-lane county and state highways. These types of communities are proud beyond belief. If you were raised in a small town, you are even prouder of the experiences you had growing up.

So when the hangover subsided Monday morning, I hopped on a computer at the hotel to look up the damage and see what the text message the night before was all about. What I saw put a lump in my throat.

If you are reading this, you no doubt have already heard about news concerning the tornadoes that struck Iowa and Minnesota over the weekend. As with any major tornado news story there were tales of survival and those not so fortunate. It's the time of year we come to know as the fifth season: Tornado Season. When I was growing up, there was always a hint of excitement when the sirens sounded during a bad thunderstorm and my parents told us to go to the basement. It wasn't until a few years ago that I actually realized how bad these things can be. I had the opportunity in 2003 to volunteer my time for a day cleaning up up after an EF2 sized tornado swept through the north part of Kansas City hitting near William Jewel College and some neighboring homes. I spent the day picking up pieces of debris no bigger than my hand. Littered across acres of land. If you are lucky, an EF2 tornado will leave your house standing without windows, doors or a roof. Everything inside will be blown out. You have to rebuild, but at least the town around you is still intact and you will have quite a few resources to get your life back up to speed. You will be missing things that are dear to you, but you can survive EF2 tornadoes by taking the correct measures of safety. It was on that day that I said to myself, "I will never take a tornado warning lightly again."

We've all done it, I'm sure. When the siren sounds - go the nearest patio and look up to the sky to see for yourself. Dodge some hail, comment on the hard rain and wind and pretend to be weather spotter.

It's also the dumbest thing anyone can do. Hell, I've done it. Not since 2003, but I've done it. When you hear that these things can virtually drop out of the sky in seconds and pound your property in less time than it takes to crack open a cold one, you realize quickly that you are just flirting with disaster. I decided on that day in 2003 that I didn't want to become a statistic. Parkersburg, IA is what you would call a hop, skip and a jump from my hometown. Far enough that you have to drive there. Close enough that you might know someone. I read the news of the families having to pack up what is left, in a single garbage bag, and find a place to sleep. Possibly with neighbors miles away. Most likely in a shelter. The destruction was so bad that the town had to be put on curfew. Only those who lived there were able to go back during daylight to continue sifting through the piles and pieces, hoping to find that last picture album or small memento. I read about the school in Parkersburg. A high-school that was everything to that town. Growing up, we knew Parkersburg to the the home of Aplington-Parkersburg. The home of the Falcons. The school with teams we ALL envied because of their power. State titles. Division 1A athletes. NFL professionals. As is the case in small towns and diminishing enrollment, the school was combined between two communities who live for everything that is on the school events calendar.

I think back to what life was like growing up with a school that had K-12 all in one building. (Not one room, one BUILDING....save the jokes.) If my entire town was wiped out and more importantly my school was leveled, it would no doubt set my town back so far I'm not so sure it would even have the ability to rebuild. Most families at that point would have probably just given up. There are few jobs around anyway and if those few small employers were taken out - there wouldn't be much reason to stick around. And losing the school would have been the only common place for kids. Things change daily in our lives, but when you are under 18 and still in school, that tends to be the central focal point of your life. And for those in Parkersburg and Aplington, IA - it's now gone.

Last year, we heard so much about the town of Greensburg, KS. Similar in size and shape to those small communities mentioned, it was completely wiped off the map by a large tornado. In that instance, it was an EF5. The mother of all tornadoes. Aka: The Finger of God - thanks to the movie "Twister." As you saw from Greensburg, the community had to make the decision of either rebuilding from scratch or to bulldoze completely and sell the land for a wind farm. They chose the former and with much outpouring of support from celebrities and other headline grabbers, they have been fortunate to get things going - albeit slowly, but the news coming from Greensburg recently sounds as though they are on their way. And good for them. Nobody should have to face erasing history and not have a hometown to go back to. I have to wonder, though, how much all of those headlines did for Greensburg. Would the overwhelming support have arrived if it wasn't for CNN, the Weather Channel and Hollywood? It needed and STILL needs every bit of that support to make sure it makes it back 100%.

Sitting here in Kansas City, I think of what it is I might be able to do to help those communities back home. Those small towns in Iowa. The state where I grew up. The place where I learned how to respect those who were older and where "Work Harder" was the recipe for success in life. Send clothes? They don't need my trash. Send food? It's Iowa. There will be food. Trust me. Send money? Sure. That's the easy thing, I guess. In situations of total disaster, money tends to do the most good. Money can help in so many ways - heck, they don't even have a toilet let alone toilet paper at this point. They need gas money to travel 20 miles just to get to a grocery store. The people affected by the weekend tornadoes in Iowa and Minnesota need the rest of us.

If you are still reading this, I'm not going to ask you send money or clothes or food. But I am going to ask you for one favor: If you have a blog or some way to send a link, please do this one simple thing. Put the link below in your next post or column and just simply ask to spread the word. If you can relate to growing up in a small town and that experience still means something to you - the information contained in the link will tell you all you need to know. If you have a friend who knows someone who knows someone who grew up in a small town - you're in the club as well.

It's been an interesting night of reading all the personal stories that have come out of Parkersburg, IA. The lump in my throat is still there. The final news article I read was the last thing I needed to know. The National Weather Service completed their investigation today. The tornado that struck those small towns in central Iowa was an EF5.

HOW TO HELP.

The Life of a Light Bulb

I have this lamp at work. I got it from my friend J. when she sold her townhouse to move to another town to go to law school.  It's sort of beat-up, with chipped black paint and a rather unstable shade, but I'm not the kind of person to demand high fashion in my cubicle, so I took it off her hands.

When I left this job in 2005 to go work for another company, I left the lamp here. I was going to work from home in my new job, so I didn't have any place for the lamp.  When I arrived back in 2006, someone handed me back my lamp.  Then we moved buildings.  So here I am, still with this lamp, three years later.

Today I bought a five-year, energy-saving light bulb.

As I was replacing the old, normal bulb with my super-energy-efficient-making-me-feel-better-about-driving-an-Explorer light bulb, I wondered - will I still be sitting her in five years?  Will I outlast my light bulb?  After all, the lamp has almost as much tenure here as I do, despite it arriving two years later than me. It stuck around, even when I left. 

And so, I'll leave you to think about my light bulb as I take a week-long hiatus to go skiing with my beloved, while the little angel frolics with my parents and Sybil, the seventeen-year-old, thyroid-medication-demanding cat.  Hope to return with lots of new stories. See you later!

Writing Comments
Let's All Share the Love
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This week I'm being featured on Mommybloggers, which is a huge honor for me.  I met Jenny of Three Kid Circus in the first full year of blogging, and after realizing she has three children and about 60 miles per gallon more energy than I do, I tried to stop complaining so much.  Obviously, it didn't really work.  I'm also a huge fan of Jenn and Meghan, who co-founded the site.

If you're bored here, please check out my blogroll, including my KC pals Cagey, Jane, Goofy Girl and Me.  I've begged Fussy and Finslippy and Dooce for advice about sleeping, and they have obliged me with their secrets, which include ignoring the fact your child has his own bed and window tinfoil.  My new friends Izzy, Mary, Sweetney and Mir make me laugh really hard, sometimes so hard it's sort of embarrassing at work.  And Amalah inspired me to Ebay a Coach purse.  I admit it.  Normally I hate brands.  Probably because she had drinks with Cagey in DC.  You gotta love Mommy Match.com.

And Lisa, you've given me so many new dreams to hope for - can't wait to meet you. 

Okay, I'm done with the lovin'.

You know you'd rather surf than work.  So just go for it.  Do it. Do it.

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Bless You, My Lovely, Lovely Friends
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I just realized that this post is up on the Internet.  Such lovely things said.  I think I might go and cry, which is sort of embarrassing, because I'm at work. 

I'll try to come up with something more interesting tomorrow when the shock wears off.

Writing Comments
No, Mother, I Haven't Taken Up Wicca

Glad you all (well, all of you that commented) like the new design.  At first, there were a whole lot more witches, but that made me all "Whoa, my mother is totally going to freak out if she sees that many witches."  Because, you see, the witch in the design is more of an accent witch, not a real witch.  She just wants her sister's shoes back, and hey, don't we all?  But yes, Mother, I'm still a good Lutheran. I swear.  Even if I'm $76,000 behind on my pledged offerings for the last five years.  My heart, it is in the right place.

I came up with the design to play off both the title of the blog and my vision of YOUR vision of Kansas City.  I think most people on the coasts believe Kansas and Missouri and all the other states in the Midwest are just sort of a large field of wheat or other starchy vegetable or grain product, maybe with some religious fanatics and a little smoke going up somewhere.  The title of this blog actually didn't mean to come from the Wizard of Oz - I started this blog when the little angel was about a month old, and at that point, I was ready to surrender to the first person who offered me a two-hour nap, even if that person was Osama bin Ladin.  I was a little crazy then.

So I talked to my friend L. today about the toddler.  It was very sad.  I also learned that my friend N.'s nana passed away a while ago, but she's just now gotten up the energy to tell us.  That's the third I've heard this week now, after the daycare teacher's husband.  I'm hoping that will end this week's streak of horrifically painful emotional experiences for those for whom I care deeply.

And because I now need something about which to feel good, I present you with this for your Friday - my husband's version of sidewalk chalk art:

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Writing Comments
No, Mother, I Haven't Taken Up Wicca

Glad you all (well, all of you that commented) like the new design.  At first, there were a whole lot more witches, but that made me all "Whoa, my mother is totally going to freak out if she sees that many witches."  Because, you see, the witch in the design is more of an accent witch, not a real witch.  She just wants her sister's shoes back, and hey, don't we all?  But yes, Mother, I'm still a good Lutheran. I swear.  Even if I'm $76,000 behind on my pledged offerings for the last five years.  My heart, it is in the right place.

I came up with the design to play off both the title of the blog and my vision of YOUR vision of Kansas City.  I think most people on the coasts believe Kansas and Missouri and all the other states in the Midwest are just sort of a large field of wheat or other starchy vegetable or grain product, maybe with some religious fanatics and a little smoke going up somewhere.  The title of this blog actually didn't mean to come from the Wizard of Oz - I started this blog when the little angel was about a month old, and at that point, I was ready to surrender to the first person who offered me a two-hour nap, even if that person was Osama bin Ladin.  I was a little crazy then.

So I talked to my friend L. today about the toddler.  It was very sad.  I also learned that my friend N.'s nana passed away a while ago, but she's just now gotten up the energy to tell us.  That's the third I've heard this week now, after the daycare teacher's husband.  I'm hoping that will end this week's streak of horrifically painful emotional experiences for those for whom I care deeply.

And because I now need something about which to feel good, I present you with this for your Friday - my husband's version of sidewalk chalk art:

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And Then Her Head Exploded
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I had to find all the little pieces of my head lying around the house this morning before I could go to work.  Part of the problem is that I'm sick, and so is the little angel and my beloved, and the little angel and I were on the couch from about two in the morning on last night and midnight on the night before.  Part of the problem is that while my writer's conference was the best use of $130 I've had in a long, long time, it caused the very messy business of my head exploding with all the things I must do to get this project in any sort of working order before I seriously seek an agent.

Like so many things in life, it was life-changing in a good and bad way.

Part of my problem is TIME.  What with the searching for the day job (my contract at Large Corporate Tax Prep has five weeks left on it and counting), finishing up the semester at the community college (fourteen essays, each four pages long and with three outside sources done in MLA style coming my way in two weeks - oh, and I haven't recorded one grade yet in my computer all semester long - ack), working on this book project and balancing Toddler Birthday Season (because every toddler I know was born in March, April or May) is kicking my ass. Not just a little bit. It's all kicking it a lot.

Which brings me to the issue of identity. What is mine?  My job thinks I should be focusing on my career, and which position I take here next will largely shape that.  My class thinks I should be focusing on them, and rightly so - they want to know what's on the dang final.  My daughter and husband are begging for my time, and really - they are THE most important thing and are getting as big of a piece as I can possibly give them (well, my daughter at least - my beloved is probably going to join Abandoned Spouses Anonymous soon).  Where is the book?  Where is the blogging?  I'm hanging on to them by my fingernails, because that is the part of this whole big mess of my life that is still ME.  It's what I wanted to do when I was a little girl - be a writer, discuss the larger and smaller issues of life with other, like-minded people.  If I let that one slide out of my fingers, I'm going to wake up twenty years from now with the little angel calling me hung over from college and wondering what I liked to do before she came along in the first place.

My biggest fear in life is losing sight of me.  I understand how much I love my child and my husband, friends and family. What gets in the way sometimes is forgetting how much I love me.

I had a crap year last year.  My beloved got on the right track with his career, and we've spent a lot of time nurturing his entrepreneurship.  I got depressed because I wasn't sure when my ship would ever sail.  The little angel never slept, and I realized that not even my basic physical needs were being met - the need for sleep,the need to eat healthy food and exercise and laugh.  Once I got the physical needs under control, I realized I had long been neglecting my existential need to practice my own free will and do something about me and my interests. 

I've been trying to behave in a more loving way toward myself this year, and as a result, I'm more invigorated than I've been in years, but I'm also BUSIER.  I'm not sure how to make it all happen.  I'm not sure how other people make it happen. My best friend and I were discussing this, and we came to the conclusion that people are either sacrificing a lot of sleep or their own interests in the name of Career, Marriage and Family.  Does it have to be this way?  Are you doing it all?  If so, can you please tell me how you find the time to do it?

I think this is the biggest question for me right now.  How can I be true to self without becoming a distant wife and absent mother?  How can I be good to others without forgetting to be good to me?

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