While I was en route to California this past weekend, I was so happy to have some quiet time to read through more of the Boston Mamas survey comments. Among the responses was a question that fit well both for the Dear Boston Mamas column, and given that I just guest posted at Rookie Moms about what I have learned in having a second child. Of course, a lot of the below would apply to 2+ children as well; if you have additional thoughts to share, feel free to do so in the comments!

Question: How is life with two kids? We are expecting #2 and I know it will be different but how? How are you managing? Is baby #2 on a schedule or on older child's schedule?

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Dear Lovely Reader:

Obviously, not every day of parenting is easy, but in general, I will say that I have been amazed by how wonderful life with two kids is. After several years of struggling with infertility, I finally made my peace with being a family of three. After which point of course I got pregnant. But from the very beginning Violet has felt as if she belongs with us. We feel so blessed.

It also has been excellent to experience parenting through a new lens; specifically, that of a laid back, experienced parent. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I have heard many people comment that subsequent kids are more laid back because their parents are more laid back, and this certainly has been the case for us.

Now, to address your questions about logistics: adding a new person to a family does, of course, involve adjustment. Here is how our transition has shaken out:

Morning routine: The period immediately coming home was the most chaotic, particularly since school was in session for Laurel and we still needed to be organized enough to get lunches together, keep on top of homework, and so forth. Since I was nursing and thus up with Violet quite a bit during the night, we simply decided that Jon would be the point person for Laurel in the morning. If I got up and could help, it was a bonus, but otherwise, Jon was on point to negotiate breakfast, finish Laurel's lunch packing (to cut down on morning chaos we assemble most of it the night before), handle the dreaded hair combing (admittedly, many days during that period of time it was rather nest-like...), make sure Laurel brushed her teeth, and get her off to school. Gradually, however, I was able to get back to helping, and now we're all up at pretty much the same time so it works out fine. Violet usually crawls around and pulls up on Laurel's chair while we take care of the morning routine.

During the day -- sleeping: This time around we're totally not worrying about watching the clock and sticking Violet to a sleep schedule, and it's been interesting to see Violet fall into a pattern naturally. In general, she's now up between 6:30am - 7:30pm and takes two naps during the day (like Laurel, she's a short napper -- usually just 45 minutes or so each time). But instead of trying to force naps on the clock, we wait until she's tired or just falls asleep (e.g., in stroller). It's so much easier and it's been great to put an awake but drowsy baby in the crib, walk away, and have her fall asleep on her own!

During the day -- eating: While we are very flexible about Violet's napping, the one thing I do try to pay attention to is her eating schedule. Because rather like me, Violet is much more affected in the cranky department by hunger than fatigue! Also, I found that the scheduling/details got a little more complicated when Violet started solids and I needed to keep track of what she was eating (to keep an eye out for allergies) and how to fit in solid feedings with nursing. Regarding suggested food process and schedule, I have found HappyBaby: The Organic Guide to Baby's First 24 Months (which was sent to me by the company) super helpful. And now that we're a couple of months into solid foods and we're on to real meals (vs. little bits of solids simply for exposure), we're now happily in a rhythm where Violet has solid foods at regular mealtimes and breastmilk first thing in the morning, as between-meal snacks, and at bedtime. Basically, it's easier to remember when to feed her because her solid food intake generally corresponds to our mealtimes!

Bedtime: One of the more challenging elements for us at the beginning was the end of the day. Pre-Violet, we used to put Laurel to bed and then the rest of the evening would be time for Jon and me to connect or for both of us to catch up on home and work matters. Early on Violet napped more during the day and was very awake during the window between Laurel and our bedtimes so Jon and I felt rather lacking in downtime. However, in the last couple of months, Violet has fallen into a pattern where she is ready to call it a night right around Laurel's bedtime. That has been quite lovely!

How the two kids' schedules intersect: Another major reason we don't fret over Violet's sleep schedule is because we have an elementary school aged kid with fixed things such as soccer practice or birthday parties or playdates on her schedule. Often times, Violet is a companion to many of Laurel's events -- we don't worry about the napping element (she tends to just fall asleep if she needs to on the go), but I do make sure I bring along food for her if we're going to be out during a meal. Also, I'm still nursing, so we always have extra nourishment at the ready if need be.

Every family system varies, and I would suggest that the most important thing to remember at the beginning is that yes, some days will be really, really hard, but that you will fall into a routine eventually and things will get easier. Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions!

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Image credit: Christine Koh (those are Laurel and Violet's feet!)

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Have a question for Christine? Drop her a line! And of course feel free to comment in if you have recommendations beyond those made above.

As part of Momversation and Ragú®'s Mom's the Word on Dinner Program, I recently chatted with Daphne Brogdon and Caroline Murphy about grocery shopping with kids. I've embedded the video below for your viewing pleasure (it's about two and a half minutes long) and would love to hear whether you find family outings to the grocery store super helpful, utterly exhausting, or somewhere in between. Feel free to weigh in below in the comments or over at the Ragú® Sauce Facebook page (where a very lively convo is brewing!).
http://player.deca.tv/player.swf?embedCode=c3MHV2MjqBDJKq8mZNtI9AD7i2qV1HgD&version=2

Note: This video was produced in partnership with Ragú® and Momversation's Mom's the Word on Dinner Program. You can find out more about the program and join in on the conversation at the Ragú® Sauce Facebook page.

Image credit: digitalart via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In May, I wrote about Laurel encouraging us to start up vegetarian week every month. Since that time, she's increasingly gone off meat and this summer decided to become a vegetarian. We're not a huge meat eating family to start with, but I know that being a vegetarian has challenged her at times, particularly when she's thought about tuna melts, moussaka, and my chicken tenders. And it's not quite as simple as just putting a salad in front of her, because even though Laurel consumes a lot more veggies than she used to, veggies are more of an accompaniment than the main attraction for her. And some easy options -- such as falafel and hummus -- haven't been received favorably.
We've told Laurel not to be hard on herself; that if she wants to be vegetarian, that's great, but that if she adjusts her plan and eats meat once a week (or whatever) she's still doing something amazing. But she's holding fast. So we're trying to support her and come up with new food ideas. At the moment, here are her favorites:

Cheese pizza

Mac and cheese

Quesadillas -- usually bean + cheese as the base and then we add bits of corn, avocado, etc.

Pan seared tofu

Vegetable tempura (not all deep fried veggies are enjoyed equally though)

Eggs, any style

Vegetarian sushi

Spinach pie

And that's pretty much it. So I turned to the fine folks on Twitter and Facebook this week and there were so many great responses -- thank you! I was going to reorder and categorize the feedback, but there was a lot of overlap in the respones and I wanted to credit appropriately, so I just left responses intact. I did sort the responses into three broad categories:

Recipe Inspiration

From @StarryBrook: "check out Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Cooking For Everyone. Fabulous ideas like stuffed tomatoes, lentil soup, etc. Big hit!"

Incorporating Instant/Pre-Made Products

From @MinkyMoo: "We make tacos, lasagna, stroganoff, just about anything [out of Morningstar veggie burgers or crumbles]."

From Kristy: "My oldest is recently turned vegetarian. She loves veggie burgers. And I make lots of pasta with veggies in it. And for quick food, she likes lean pockets and Amy's organic frozen meals."

From Rebecca: "We are a family of vegetarians! Proteins at every meal: Gardein plant-based tenders, veggie burgers, black beans, hummus as a side, eggs (omelets for dinner sometimes), soy crumble burritos with cheese, etc."

From Michael: "‎'Meat' items by Boca and Morning Star are popular with my step-daughter but my wife swears by Quorn products. And the beef strips by Trader Joe's are perfect for fajitas (chicken strips aren't bad either).

From Amber: "Frittata is always a hit, and mine loves marinated or fried tofu. For quick lunches, Morningstar products have saved my butt on a few occasions!"

From Bill: "Lentils; split pea soup; fake meats from morningstar, quorn, and gardein; pastas; burritos; cheese toast; soy nut butter and jelly."

Other Vegetarian Meal/Snack Ideas:

From @devarim: "I often make mild (not bland) dals and serve w/ plain yogurt, rice & complementary Indian vegetable dish."

From @SeastarsSeaside: "sweet potato, black bean enchiladas! Yum!"

From @Laurenmissesyou: ""[We're] vegan! Posted about it on my blog recently. S particularly loves avocado rolls, sweet potato, pasta with peas and carrots, beans rice and guacamole, tofu, and spinach."

From @threehautemamas: "burritos, beans & rice, & hummus platters (veg/pitas/cheese/etc)."

From @mamajoan: "my kids are vegetarian...they eat tofu, grilled cheese, quesadillas, umm and a LOT of pasta ;)"

From Kim: "Hummus & pita, black bean soup, eggplant parm, quesadillas..."

From Erin: "Stuffed portabellos, veggie stir-fry w jasmine rice."

From Lila: "Bean/rice burritos are easy and yummy. Augusta eats hummus with a spoon. We make quesadillas in the microwave. Stir-fries are always good if you can get your kid to eat them. And chili with TVP is also terrific."

From Asha: "Edamame. And my kids love tofu. Buy firm or extra firm, cut into small cubes, saute with oil till brown and crisp, and a few splashes of soy sauce near the end. Then keep it in the fridge to throw into rice, pasta, stir fry. Also, refried beans."

From Christy: "My kids aren't vegetarians, but I do a big pot of vegetarian chili in the winter (with beans). We eat it with tortilla chips, and use it to make quesadillas and burritos with rice. I make enough to freeze portions of it as well."

From Aimee: "Obvious, but valuable - veggie burgers, tofurkey dogs, omlettes, quiche, endless pasta options, risotto, baked potatoes loaded with cheese and veggies, nachos, quesadillas, grilled cheese and tomato soup....the list goes on!"

From Liz: "Black bean burgers, stir fry, and broccoli cakes are popular in our house!"

From Michele: "My child refuses to eat meat because he does not like it. He eats more in the style of tapas. A little of this a little of that. Most meals include a pasta(plain), a fruit, tomatoes, yogurt, and sometimes a granola bar of some kind. We give a carnation instant breakfast drink once a day at least to guarantee protein."

From Suzanne: "Black bean chili made with red/green peppers, tomatos, corn; broccoli and mushroom quiche (renamed broccoli pie which gets them to scarf it down); quinoa stuffed roasted peppers.

From Kate: "Lots of avocado!"

From Jocelyn: "We do veggie chili a lot in our house, although we are not veggies (I don't eat red meat). My 2year old cannot get enough of it when I make it. We also do 5 bean hoppin John."

From Cynthia: "Abe loves miso soup with tofu. Also roasted brussels sprouts (mainly because the cute 5-year-old down the street loves them, but hey, whatever works...)."

From Mamma's Cooking: "definitely veggie chilli. Someone mentioned Kale pesto to me recently. I haven't tried yet though."

From Karen: "I'm not a vegetarian but some suggestions: hummus with pita chips, lasagna with spinach and cabbage, veggie burgers, veggie sausage, cheese quesadillas, cheesy grits, Amy's organic meals, miso soup with tofu, refried beans, lentil soup, eggplant parmesan, pintos and cornbread (good southern food), smoothies with spinach and protein powder, cheesy potatoes, stuffed potatoes, curried pasta with cauliflower and chickpeas, Mexican dip (refried beans, salsa, cheese, onions, etc), fruit and yogurt parfaits, zucchini or pumpkin muffins."

Thanks so much everyone! I'm making my grocery list now! Meanwhile, if you have additional ideas to share, feel free to do so in the comments below.

Image credit: Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Whether or not extreme couponing is your thing, grocery budgeting is top of mind for most families. As part of Momversation and Ragú®'s Mom's the Word on Dinner Program, I recently chatted with Daphne Brogdon and Caroline Murphy about tips for feeding families on a budget. I've embedded the video below for your viewing pleasure (it's just over two minutes long) and would love to hear your clever tips for scoring at the grocery store, either below in the comments or over at the Ragú® Sauce Facebook page.
http://player.deca.tv/player.swf?embedCode=9zYnNzMjoo1MzPJ17wvQIGkFGWsKjoNv&version=2

Note: This video was produced in partnership with Ragú® and Momversation's Mom's the Word on Dinner Program. You can find out more about the program and join in on the conversation at the Ragú® Sauce Facebook page.

Image credit: Carlos Porto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Like many moms, my daily life is packed -- both with work projects and a seemingly endless stream of household minutia. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how to increase my happiness factor by shifting the weight off the minutia (I even have a draft post titled "How to Do Less"), so it was bizarrely well timed when TaskRabbit contacted me about being the Boston spokeswoman for their Do More. Live More. Be More. campaign. I was psyched for a couple of reasons. First, I've happily used TaskRabbit before. Second, the campaign is all about encouraging people to do more of what they love and less of what they don't.
As part of the campaign, over the next month I will experiment with letting go of my inner control freak and outsourcing via TaskRabbit. Below I share some of the overarching things I need help with and will update you later on how things are going. Meanwhile, TaskRabbit is asking folks a simple question: "What would you promise yourself if you had more time to do the things you want to do?" Simply share your promise (up to October 14) and you'll be entered to win cool prizes -- including a luxury vacation (yeah, uh, I suspect you could use one of those right about now!)

Probably not uncommonly, I want to outsource so I can have less minutia monkeys on my back and more time both with my family and on my own. More specifically, I really want to be present in the moment, not multitasking.

Purging. For me, purging -- whether it's kid stuff or old electronics -- makes me feel lighter both in physical and emotional space. I would love some help with finding new homes for our unwanted items as it's a task that sits at the bottom of my to-do list casting a hairy nagging eyeball at me.

Pickups. In addition to random errand pickups, I would love help with our weekly CSA pickup. The timing is not great for us and invariably makes for a harried end of day.

Event planning. I'm co-hosting a fantastic event October 4 (we're almost sold out -- you should get a ticket if you're thinking of coming!). I'm super excited about it but it also involves a lot of work. I'm hoping to outsource some of the tasks leading up to the event.

Household. We have a bunch of random household projects that need to get done.

Travel. I have several trips upcoming and I would love help with the planning -- whether it's researching details or procuring items needed for the trips.

Virtual assistant. This will be the hardest for me (that old control freak thing) but lately, I've been feeling completely swamped work-wise (I started a new business venture last month, and still need to find my rhythm balancing everything). I have always thought of TaskRabbit as an errand provider but in looking at the site, I see it's not uncommon to ask for clerical help. So I'm hoping to try out TaskRabbit for some virtual assistant type tasks. Fingers crossed.

That's what's on my mind so far. Do you have similar minutia monkeys on your back? What other tasks have been nagging at you?

Today, from parent educator Hetti Wohlgemuth of Alphabet Soup 4 Parents, because it’s never too late to resolve to communicate better:

Earlier this month, Bob and I listened to an NPR show about making and keeping resolutions. The advice? Keep resolutions to a bare minimum and keep resolutions specific. While resolutions such as losing weight, becoming a better tennis player, and communicating more effectively are all good in theory, these resolutions raise red flags. They’re too general. However, resolution number three is critical to me -- I believe that good communication is the underpinning of all great relationships (and certainly parent-child partnerships) -- so I want to break it down into smaller, more tangible components.

Resolution #1. Learn to accept your kid’s feelings. We need not (and shouldn’t) accept all of our kids’ behaviors, but we do need to acknowledge and authenticate their feelings. Kids have a right to their feelings and denying them definitely won’t help anybody. And apparently it works for grownups too. Over the holidays I started to rant about my brother to one of my daughters. I stopped and said, “I guess this all sounds so childish to you.” She responded, “Not at all, Mom. Your feelings are your feelings and nobody can take those away from you. At least that’s what you always told us.” And magically, when she uttered those sentences, my feelings dissipated. Really. There is power in the simple act of acceptance.

Resolution #2. When attempting to comfort and communicate, avoid clichés and long winded advice. Children rarely want advice and if they do, they’ll ask for it. And it’s much healthier to listen and allow kids to figure out their own next baby or big steps. My father was a very caring dad but he had a propensity to repeat clichés that ended up sounding dismissive, and a propensity to offer plenty of ill-fitting advice. He meant well, but the advice was based on what suited his -- not my -- style. Simply let your kids know you hear and support them, and perhaps give them a little prompt in problem solving by asking what they think a good solution would be. Kids and adults feel better about themselves when they come up with their own solutions.

Resolution #3. Children’s messages often come coded and we need to resolve to uncode them (via Haim Ginott’s Between Parent and Child). When Bob and I were eating breakfast in NYC, sitting at the table next to us was a mom, her three-year-old daughter, and the mom’s friend, eating breakfast while the mom and friend talked and talked and talked. After a while the little girl wearied of playing with her doll and started to whine and cry, louder and louder. The child was not misbehaving, simply communicating in her own code that she was through with her toy, breakfast, and the restaurant. The mom deciphered the message and wrapped things up; things could have had a much less happy ended had the mom not decoded the message and responded appropriately.

Resolution #4. Resolve to get more self-care. Communicating effectively is productive but sometimes requires good concentration. And we can’t concentrate well if we are stressed and not taking care of our own needs. Last fall, First Lady Michelle Obama said that women can’t take care of others until they take care of themselves. She’s right about that. You know what to do: take a walk, a hot bath, a yoga class, breathe deeply, share babysitting, and maybe even get a manicure.

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Image credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today, Kate recommends a thought provoking book about motherhood:

“The essayist Caitlin Flanagan has developed a successful career writing thoughtfully and often with acerbic humor on issues of family, marriage, motherhood, and feminism. She courts controversy by raising uncomfortable questions about whether men or women are better suited to housework, whether small children should be cared for by anyone other than their mothers, and whether contemporary women are fundamentally unsuited to accept the sacrifices required by marriage. She points at working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, and work-at-home mothers -- in other words, all of us -- and asks us to look into ourselves to understand our motivations, our compromises, and our choices and their impacts on our children. She is also the mother of twin boys, and a breast cancer survivor.
Her fascinatingly readable 2006 collection of essays To Hell with All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife is the kind of book that you may love or you may hate but you won't be able to avoid thinking about. From her analysis of the Martha Stewart phenomenon to her description of her own postpartum depression and isolation -- a chapter that rang true for me -- Flanagan is honest about her own flaws as a mother and so allows her readers to be the same. The result is enlightening, engaging, guilt-inducing, and often laugh-out-loud funny. Whether you know her work from magazines like The New Yorker and The Atlantic or are coming to her fresh, Flanagan and To Hell with All That are worth getting to know.”

Today, parent educator Hetti Wohlgemuth of Alphabet Soup 4 Parents shares tips for bringing back your holiday mojo:

“Many of us have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. For example, I love spending time with my family, playing board games and cards fireside, finding a special gift for each of my girls, attending Christmas Eve services, winter walks, and more. Then there’s the stuff I hate: the excess, the stress, and sometimes my memories of Christmases past. Here are some classic holiday related struggles and how to cope with them.
Identify friction and look for an alternate solution. Although my husband and I are Jewish, Bob grew up celebrating Christmas and I was amenable to continuing that tradition. But as our daughters grew, the tree got bigger (not Bob's plan) and the presents got more plentiful (probably my fault, I do like to shop) and I felt more and more alienated from the whole concept until Christmas just felt very wrong to me. To cope, I decided that while the family decorated the tree, I needed my own activity that worked for me. So, I baked cookies: for my family and for gifts. Christmas has since evolved to be less about gifts and more about hanging out together. We focus on what special food our Christmas morning breakfast might include (monkey bread this year) and what movie we should see on the day (last year it was Slumdog Millionaire). Identifying friction and finding an alternate solution has made the season cheery once again.

Focus on the real meaning of the season. We need to focus more on the simplicity and real meaning of the season -- offering warmth and kindnesses -- and keep material gifts to a minimum. Admittedly, that's hard for me: I love to shop. I love the malls and the town centers and I love finding the perfect present for that special person. I used to buy in excess; not wasteful or daffy gifts, but still too many. We have since scaled back and now that our girls are older, each of us buys or makes each other one gift, and Bob and I also get some small stocking stuffers for our daughters. And all through the season, we keep in mind giving the good way: saying something nice to someone or spending quality and fun time with friends and/or family. It feels healthier now.

Find traditions that everyone can look forward to. Over the years, we've identified some great traditions. For example, Bob is a nervous shopper; he has no clue what I want and even if he did, he's sure I wouldn't like it. So every year, we go out for a nice dinner a few weeks before Christmas, then window shop. I’ll point to something I like and he goes back and buys it the next day. Sometimes we enjoy dinner so much that we barely get to the shopping, which doesn’t matter a bit. It’s the simple ritual that’s fun. We also go to a Christmas Eve church service with friends who have children the same ages as our girls and then we eat a festive family dinner together. Christmas day, the four of us choose a movie and eat Chinese food (this is considered a Jewish Christmas). We're not reinventing the holiday wheel but we’re enjoying treading on it.

Mourn Christmases past. I am a huge fan of confronting one's past. I'm also a huge believer that much of holiday misery stems from bad memories. We think we're weak if we dwell on the past. And we believe that harkening back will make us more miserable. Not so. Facing the un-decorated, unadorned past frees us. As Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish say in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, "Not until the bad feelings come out, can the good feelings come in."

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Image credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today, Carole Arsenault of Newborn Nurses shares some tips for staying healthy during the flu season:

“Expecting mothers or moms of young children have more than just themselves to worry about this flu season, particularly with the added threat of the H1N1 (swine flu) virus. Pregnant women and young children are particularly susceptible to complications related to the flu.
We are learning more every day from experts who are studying these viruses. Here are some of the latest recommendations from the CDC to help protect yourself and your children.

Health care professionals recommend that pregnant women be vaccinated for both types of flu.

Getting your flu shots during pregnancy can help protect your newborn from these viruses.

Practice flu-prevention hygiene. Wash your hands frequently with soap and warm water. Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth to prevent the spread of germs. Teach these behaviors to your children.

Keep your home clean, especially high traffic areas such as keyboards and doorknobs. Open windows for fresh air as often as you are able.

Boost immunity by eating a balanced diet packed with plenty of fruits and vegetables. This is especially important for toddlers and young children.

Stay informed. The CDC website offers information and resources about the seasonal flu and H1N1 flu. The H1N1 page is being updated frequently.

If you or your child start to experience flu symptoms such as fever, cough, sore throat, chills, or body aches, call your health care provider for professional guidance.

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Image credit: CDC