Today, Kate shares a home fitness recommendation (shockingly well timed as I've been thinking of taking ballet but haven't found a class that works with my schedule):

I have written before of my love of ballet, a love that has been kept at a very long arm's length by my lack of necessary talent, drive, and height. However, a recent discovery allows me to feel like a prima ballerina for a few minutes each day: Ballet Conditioning -- a wonderful DVD by Element (the producers of Pilates Weight Loss for Beginners) -- offers several hours of appealing and fun exercises, all based on classical ballet positions and stretches and all aimed at toning and lengthening different muscle groups.

With my desk chair serving as a barre, the positions bring me back to the ballet classes of my childhood -- tendu! plié! port de bra! -- and I have a moment of living inside the grace and elegance of dance. But don't be fooled: this is a hard workout that will leave your thighs burning and your arms feeling like rubber.

Today, Kate recommends a thought provoking book about motherhood:

“The essayist Caitlin Flanagan has developed a successful career writing thoughtfully and often with acerbic humor on issues of family, marriage, motherhood, and feminism. She courts controversy by raising uncomfortable questions about whether men or women are better suited to housework, whether small children should be cared for by anyone other than their mothers, and whether contemporary women are fundamentally unsuited to accept the sacrifices required by marriage. She points at working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, and work-at-home mothers -- in other words, all of us -- and asks us to look into ourselves to understand our motivations, our compromises, and our choices and their impacts on our children. She is also the mother of twin boys, and a breast cancer survivor.
Her fascinatingly readable 2006 collection of essays To Hell with All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife is the kind of book that you may love or you may hate but you won't be able to avoid thinking about. From her analysis of the Martha Stewart phenomenon to her description of her own postpartum depression and isolation -- a chapter that rang true for me -- Flanagan is honest about her own flaws as a mother and so allows her readers to be the same. The result is enlightening, engaging, guilt-inducing, and often laugh-out-loud funny. Whether you know her work from magazines like The New Yorker and The Atlantic or are coming to her fresh, Flanagan and To Hell with All That are worth getting to know.”

Jennifer James is one of the first bloggers I met in real life, through the inaugural Disney mom bloggers mixer. She since has become a dear friend and a trusted professional confidante; someone I admire for her kindness, good karma, smart insights, and astute perspective as a long time blogger (among her many projects, she’s best known as the founder of the Mom Bloggers Club). The second in my Simplifying the Holidays guest blog series, today Jennifer shares a collection of wonderful ideas for everyday philanthropy where you can make a difference from the comfort of your home.

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From Jennifer:

It's the season of giving and there is no shortage of requests for donations to charitable causes both in our local areas and nationwide. While someone, somewhere is in dire need of help, it seems as though the demand is higher than ever before. Many people less fortunate than us desperately need a helping hand. The sheer numbers are overwhelming to be sure, but there is a lot we can do that does not always entail writing a check.

A new book, How to Be an Everyday Philanthropist, has hit book stores just in the nick of time for the giving season. With brilliant strategies and thorough research, Nicole Boles lists a plethora of charities in which you can donate your time and talents and that will make a measurable difference in the lives of those in need.

Reading through How to be an Everyday Philanthropist I was shocked, but delighted, by the types of charities you can volunteer your time to from home. As a busy mom, these are the types of charities that piqued my interest first and may pique your interest as well:

Read This to Me: I bet you didn’t know you could read documents to the blind and all that’s required is a fax machine and a working phone. Now this is a volunteer job we could conceivably do every day to help the blind. Read more on page 9.

Guide Dogs for the Blind: Guide dogs are amazing animals. They are expertly trained and wholly devoted to their master, but did you know that as puppies they are first raised and loved in the homes of everyday families like yours and mine? I didn’t either. Essentially you and your family raise a guide dog until they have to go to training school. What a great charity to give to! Read more on pages 33 and 34.

Look Pink: If you are a hardcore digital mom like me you probably spend your fair share of time on search engines. The next time you need to look up a recipe for dinner or want to do a search for mom blogs, for example, use LookPink.com. Each search you perform automatically raises money to help fight breast cancer. Read more on page 47.

Hang Proud: It's tough being a young girl these days. Although we felt inordinate pressure to be stick thin and take cream puff courses in college, the expectation of girls to be sexy at younger ages is mind-boggling and girls still are underrepresented in science and math. That is why it is vital to mentor girls to become strong young women who are confident and love their bodies. And you guessed it, you can mentor a girl from the comfort of your own home. Through Hang Proud, you can become an e-mentor to a girl who is in desperate need of direction and a friend. Learn more on page 47.

Warm Up America: If you can crochet or knit you can help families stay warm during the bitterly cold winter months. Volunteers around the country knit everything from shawls to blankets to give to people who could genuinely use a handmade gesture to brighten their day and also keep them warm. Since 1992 volunteers have been keeping people around the world warm, from babies to women in battered shelters. Read more on page 63.

Giving to charitable causes does not always mean giving money, especially as the economy continues to do scary things to our savings accounts and discretionary income. But there are always ways of giving that utilize our skills and talents that really make a difference in the lives of others and that you can even do at home.

Learn more about charities that can benefit from your skills and devotion in How to Be an Everyday Philanthropist by Nicole Boles.

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Jennifer James is the founder of the Mom Bloggers Club and the The Mom Salon and writes about social media and mom blogging on her Tumblr blog. You can follow Jennifer on Twitter at @mombloggersclub.

Today, April shares a review (and some amazing results!) from Petit Appetit: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry: Easy, Organic Snacks, Beverages, and Party Foods for Kids of All Ages:

“What to have for snack? It's the eternal culinary question for a parent who wants choices that are fun, tasty, and reasonably healthy. What about lunch, little gatherings, and festive moments that call for creative bites, drinks, and goodies? It's easy to run out of ideas and get stuck in a rut of cheese sticks, juice boxes, and yogurt tubes.
Lisa Barnes, who wrote The Petit Appetit Cookbook: Easy, Organic Recipes to Nurture Your Baby and Toddler is back with Petit Appetit: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry: Easy, Organic Snacks, Beverages, and Party Foods for Kids of All Ages. This cookbook is focused on those little meals, gatherings, and ‘everyday holidays.’ You'll get kicked out of the routine with a collection of ideas that include lunch roll-up sandwiches, crunchy snack foods, sparkly beverages, and special celebration foods to mark things like the first day of snow.

Honestly, the idea of feeding a play group, adding something fun to a meal, or celebrating something almost ordinary (Cinco de Mayo? Losing a first tooth?) can make any parent retreat to manufactured snacks that are wanting in nutritional value—not to mention variety.

Barnes talks about food choices (organic vs. not, eating seasonally, ‘green’ habits, etc.), but does it in a friendly tone, which is so important. She offers up information and point of view the way an informed friend might when you're talking about issues that affect our families and our food. Because of that, the book is a good overview of some food issues, like refined sugars, outside food influences, and instilling good eating habits. She also talks about ways to make food eco-friendly, tasty, packable (for lunch boxes and potlucks), and coveted by everyone nearby who wants a snack.

The recipes are true snack foods, and mighty tasty. Barnes splits the book up into sections like drinks (by kind: juicy, frosty, warmers, etc.), snacks (by texture: crunchy, chewy, salty, etc.), and celebrations (by type: birthdays, holidays, everyday celebrations). For each recipe, she offers nutrition facts, like you'd see on the side of a package—making it all the better to compare a snack made chez vous to one found in aisle 7. We all buy some snacks from the store, but it's a great reminder that each serving has a potential for good and not-so-good. Just seeing the difference in fat and fiber content is interesting. She labels each recipe with icons that make it easy browsing for parents who need allergen-free foods or lunchbox-friendly snacks. But don't get too concerned about "healthy" snack food. In this case I mean "healthy" as opposed to chemical-laden packaged foods that we sometimes feel are the only option.

I like creative snacks, and I never would have figured out how to make chewy granola before reading Barnes' book. Had I tried from another book, I wouldn't have been sure if it was healthier in terms of sugar or fat content than the store-bought kind. I did make it (page 73; see my personal photos below) and it was stellar. Everyone loved it. Everyone. It's so good. Instead of refined sugars and high fat content, she uses brown rice syrup and turbinado sugar—ingredients that enhance the recipe flavors and needs. I changed her recipe a bit—dried cranberries weren't going to fly with some designated eaters, so I used dried cherries and freeze dried raspberries along with her candied ginger. I also found that it needed a bit more liquid than the recipe called for, so I adapted that on the fly. That might be my only quasi-criticism: The recipe ideas and flavors are excellent, but you might need to tweak them a bit, perhaps based on the ingredient brands and humidity differences. So get cooking, but keep an eye on how it you think it should look, keep tasting it, and play with it along the way—it's not hard.

I also made ginger ale from the beverage section. My daughter sees other kids her age drinking soda, and it's not something we give her. But I made Barnes' ginger-agave syrup with fresh ginger. Just add some soda water to make a spicy and perfect drink. It was so good that I think my husband and I drank most of it, but our daughter clamored for it. The book is full of ideas that are new, as well as foods that remake and revise the standard store-bought options.

I like my daughter to take part in wonderful tastes—and I would like it if she craves foods and flavors that are made from real ingredients. To make that happen, we have to give her tasty foods that are, in fact, made that way. Cakes and cookies are no problem, but snacky, chewy, crunchy foods have been a bit of a challenge up until now. Barnes just made it a lot easier. Snack time is exciting, tasty, and a lot better than mass-produced.”

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Awesome granola photography courtesy of April Paffrath. For more foodie awesomeness from April, check out her blog Wicked Tasty Harvest.

Today, Sarah recommends Partnership Parenting, a book written to help parents reach mature discussion and calm compromise amidst conflicting parenting styles. Read on for Sarah’s review, as well as to learn how to be one of two winners to receive a copy of Partnership Parenting (entry closes October 17):
From Sarah:

“With one more year to go until my younger son heads off to kindergarten, I’ve started to turn over a new leaf in my parenting arsenal. I devoted a massive portion of my vacation reading -- usually devoted to pulp fiction and chick lit -- to some seriously insightful advice books, in hopes that I could polish out the rough spots in my kid/parent interactions and re-write some of the less effective scripts I rely on when put on the spot. (You know, pot bubbling on the stove, dog whining to go out, phone ringing, and a temper tantrum breaks out in the living room about who touched the puzzle last and thus has to put it away.) And I think the change was worth it; I digested some amazingly helpful books this summer.

One of the top three was Partnership Parenting, by husband and wife psychologists Kyle and Marsha Kline Pruett. Conceived to fill in the gaps between parenting books directed at moms and other books directed at dads, this easy read focuses on the differences between viewpoints that often create conflict between parents when child-rearing situations get stressful. Sort of like Mars and Venus Raise A Kid. The Pruetts point out that many parents receive this advice after getting separated or divorced, when they have to juggle father-time and mother-time and the differences between the two, but this is the first program that helps parents while they’re still together.

Beginning with conversations they recommend couples undertake before the baby is born, the Pruetts guide the reader down a path to better he-said/she-said understanding of the motivations behind our parenting decisions, such as how moms are more likely to protect their children from encountering stressful and possibly disappointing situations, and how dads are more likely to let kids encounter disappointments as a learning tool for the way the world really works. Or how moms are more likely to reason with their children when disciplining or scolding misbehavior, while dads are more likely to summarily dismiss the offender to a timeout without too many words. More importantly (especially when a couple gets to bickering over whose parenting style is “right”), the book discusses the best, most effective and most emotionally healthy approaches to help diffuse the bickering before it starts. And in my household, I know it’s often easy to get to arguing over whose point is the right one and lose sight altogether of why we’re trying to find consensus in the first place.

The books also includes a parenting checklist, to compare your child-raising ideas against your spouse’s and find commonalities and differences (and subsequently to discuss in a civil manner how to reach a compromise), as well as a quiz to see how your idea of developmentally appropriate actions on the part of your child match up with experts’ opinions. It’s amazing how many disciplinary battles, especially with younger kids, simply are the result of parental misunderstanding of what the child is capable of at their age.

In my humble opinion, one of the hallmarks of a good self-help book (or maybe just of someone who’s help-able) is that the advice therein seems like very sensible stuff you would know yourself if you were thinking clearly at the time you needed it most. Partnership Parenting gives parents the tools they need to practice the mature discussion and calm compromise that is the pinnacle of two-parent decision-making, before the three-year-old paints the dog blue while the toddler takes every box of cereal out of the cupboard and crushes it into little piles on the floor. I only wish I’d had this book seven years earlier.”

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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Annie & Allison!
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Now, want to be one of two winners to receive a copy ofPartnership Parenting? Here’s how:

Visit the Da Capo Press website, then email contests@bostonmamas.com (with ‘Partnership Parenting’ in the subject), and name another Da Capo book you’d be interested in reading (other than Partnership Parenting!).

One entry permitted per person; US residents welcome to enter.

Entry period closes at midnight EST, Saturday, October 17, 2009.

Nothing says summer like juicy beach reads and July fireworks, so we’ll start our online birthday party off with a bang with Hachette Book Group. Five winners each will receive a generous Hachette "Summer Reads" collection, including 14 books collectively valued at $272! Simply check out the title list and rules after the jump and leave a comment on this prize to enter to win.
Hachette “Summer Reads” collection includes:

The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston*

The Preacher and the Presidents by Nancy Gibbs & Michael Duffy*

Swine Not? by Jimmy Buffett

Miscarriage of Justice by "Kip" Gayden

Trespassers Will Be Baptized by Elizabeth Hancock

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not by Trish Ryan

A Summer Affair by Elin Hilderbrand*

Barefoot by Elin Hilderbrand*

Made in the U.S.A. by Billie Letts*

Off Season by Anne Siddons*

A Rose by the Door by Deborah Bedford

Remember Me by Deborah Bedford

Child 44 by Tom Smith*

Close by Martina Cole*

*Audio book alternative available if winner desires.

Rules:

Include your name and email in the appropriate fields so we can contact you if you win (your name but NOT your email will be published with your comment. Including just first name or first name + last initial is OK.)

One comment permitted per person; US and Canada entrants welcome.

Anonymous or SPAM-like comments will be discarded.

Entry period closes tonight at midnight EST, Tuesday, July 1, 2008.

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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Robin M., Jennifer B., Jamie H., Colleen J., and Rebecca E.!
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Today, Jules and Heather review Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too, a book that seeks to motivate moms to give themselves the time-outs they need and deserve. Read on for their reviews, as well as to learn how to be one of two winners to receive a copy of Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too:
From Jules:

“Before becoming a mom, I feared that I would be the type of mother whose life revolved around moms’ groups, shuttling kids from soccer practice to boy scouts and back, laboring for months over Halloween costumes, and any other banal tasks where I’d lose my sense of self in the process of being a slave to my son. But now that I am a mom, I understand that these tasks are not banal and they are anything but ordinary. How extraordinary it is to watch your child grow and learn and play and interact, and mine is only four months old! I have found so much joy and genuine happiness in the day to day of motherhood.

These feelings, of course, do not shield me from the daily volatilities and stressors that a mother faces. And Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too – a book that gives a positive voice to every mother who has ever felt exhausted, rejected, disconnected, impatient, isolated, unattractive, depressed, or incapable – encourages mothers to be a little selfish; to evaluate their priorities and really take time to nurture the self.

Acknowledging the fact that mothers are challenged by their selflessness, feelings that they need to do it all, and societal pressures, rather than offering quick fixes for the every day struggles, Mothers Need Times-Outs, Too offers insights, stories, and realistic solutions to every day issues by taking our unrealistic expectations and turning them into realities. My favorite chapters include: The Power of Self Awareness, The Value of Downtime, The Loving Link with your Partner, and The Significance of Self Care. These chapters ask moms to focus on eating right, sleeping right, exercising, having quiet time, verbalizing your stressors/fears, and staying sexually active. The principal of the book is basic and most of us know it in theory, but it is refreshing to have tangible guidance on how to achieve selflessness, passion, relaxation, and nurturing in reality.

No matter what your mothering situation, Mothers Need Times-Outs, Too is a great book to help moms justify their fears, feelings of inadequacy, and frantic-ness, and move towards change. I know now that having children will not ever mean losing me. They are me. Now find yourself some quiet time, some comfy clothes, and get reading!”

From Heather:

“I am often told, ‘I don’t know how you do it all.’ After all, what people see is a mama of four well adjusted healthy kids under 5; someone who never says no to host a play date or backyard BBQ while managing a full time career, happy hubby, and clean house (please don’t look under the couch…). But the reality is that these days I only appear to do it all; instead I feel that I do nothing well, and all too often what I do accomplish is at my own expense. But I keep on trucking because this is the alleged norm for today’s mom, right?

Think again. In reading Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too by Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen, and Katrin Schumann, I was thrilled to discover that this book is chock-full of wonderful advice, delivered via hundreds of real moms using relevant examples of daily life issues. The key message of this book is that being a little selfish actually makes us better mothers. It’s really as basic as the pre take-off ‘oxygen mask’ instructions when flying. Secure your oxygen mask first and then take care of your children. We are no good to anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

The authors summarize it best in the introduction:

With this book, you’re about to begin a journey of self-discovery. Your willingness to open yourself up to scrutiny, to change habits, to ask for help and to admit and even relish in imperfection will help you regain control of your life. You’ll learn to listen to your instincts again and to stop feeling guilty about never being quite good enough. You’ll treat yourself with more compassion and become more patient with those around you.’

I encourage all moms to time-out for you and read this inspirational book!”

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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Jennifer G. and maxwellj!
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Now, want to be one of two winners to receive a copy of Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too? Here’s how:

Visit the Mothers Need Time-Outs Too reseller page, then email contests@bostonmamas.com (with ‘Time-Outs’ in the subject), and name a reseller where you can purchase Mothers Need Time-Outs Too.

One entry permitted per person; US entrants welcome to enter.

Entry period closes at midnight EST, Tuesday, June 24, 2008.

And now for our weekly dose of web highlights from some of our stylish blog partners:

One Chic Mama features the affordable and eco-friendly household products by Charlie’s Soaps. Clever Parents offers guidance on “green” decorating and remodeling. Moms’ Buzz reviews content from April and May. The Nest Baby wants you to weigh in on a report of a grandma trying to breastfeed her grandson. And you could win: a $75 gift certificate to Vincent Shoes at Modern Mom, a Homedics Shiatsu Massaging Cushion for Dad from MomFinds, and a copy of the Sex and the City: The Movie book from We Covet.

Although guest contributor Sara Cabot of Little Lettice is one of our family food experts, today Sara – a mom of four children approaching or in their tween years - takes a diversion from nutritional content to provide a review of Pressured Parents, Stressed-out Kids. Read on for Sara’s review, as well as to learn how to be one of 5 winners to receive a copy of Pressured Parents!

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Often I feel just fine about my kids until a casual conversation on the soccer sidelines turns into a comparison fest.

“We go to Kumon once a week,” a mom wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt told me one day as we watched our kids play. “ I didn’t think I could fit that in, what with Benjamin’s oboe lessons and Cub scouts, but we’re going on Tuesdays, right after soccer.”

“And what are you doing over Christmas vacation?” I ask with masochistic verve.

“We’re sending him to soccer camp in Brazil. And this summer we’re doing our regular road trip. We’ll visit every state capital by the end of junior year. That will give Benjamin great material for his college application essay!” She exclaimed.

“College application essay?” I think, my throat tightening. “But our kids are only 12 years old!”

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This excerpt, taken from Pressured Parents, Stressed-out Kids: Dealing With Competition While Raising a Successful Child by Wendy Grolnick and Kathy Seal, gave me what I call the “AHH” factor. As in, “Ahh, I’ve had this feeling too!” And you are not alone. Grolnick (a psychologist) and Seal have given this throat-tightening panic a name: Pressured Parent Phenomenon (PPP). Our emotional response to the kind of situation outlined above is caused, the authors say, by our incredibly competitive society whose every facet - be it academic, sports, or the arts - has become rife with pressure to achieve.

Grolnick and Seal have written an exhaustive and well-researched book that explores all the facets of this Pressured Parent Phenomenon: where it comes from, how it is affecting our children, and how we can turn our anxiety into calm guidance.

The authors first explore the context where PPP is flourishing: she asserts that “competition is a defining feature of American schooling,” while “the music world of kids revolves around competitions.” As for sports, the authors quote a sports psychologist who suggests that sports programs operate as “failure factories” that, as time goes on, weed out more and more players. Competition among kids has reached “epidemic proportions” and to extend the metaphor, PPP is contagiously passed from parent to parent like a virus.

Inevitably, we parents are fanning the flames of this competitive culture, rather than putting a dampener on it (which is what we should do). In fact, Grolnick and Seal make no bones about presenting parents as the culprits. They talk about us fighting the “battle for admission” into certain schools from nursery through college. Regarding sports, the authors claim that we “get hooked into the competitive mind-set,” and panic that our children are going to feel bad if they don’t do well. The authors say, rightly I think, that all this competition “is affecting parents as much if not more than children.”

So what can we do about it? How can we parents turn our fears into calm guidance?

The authors outline three tactics, which Grolnick discovered during over 30 years researching this topic: We need to develop our children’s autonomy, competence, and connectedness. This in turn will lead to intrinsic motivation in our children, who will feel empowered to do well because they want to, not because they are told to do so by us.

Grolnick and Seal then devote the rest of this very sensible book to teaching parents how to develop these traits in our children. We need to be “in control” without being “controlling,” thus respecting our kids’ autonomy while setting clear guidelines about their roles and responsibilities. The authors show us how to use praise to boost feelings of competence in our kids by “prais[ing] effort or product, not character,” and that “the most effective praise or feedback is informational: it specifies what children have achieved.” I experienced the “AHH” factor with this suggestion because I hear a lot of parents saying “Great job!” without really specifying what is so great about it. And in these cases, I think children often suspect that the actual action wasn’t so great and that their parents are just saying, “I love you,” which can be annoying.

Grolnick and Seal tell parents that being involved boosts our children’s feelings of connectedness to us and to the world. In a chapter called ‘At Home,’ the authors tell us to hike or knit with our older children, play with blocks or dolls with our younger ones, “or just watch.” Interestingly, she never mentions reading to them, which I think is the number one important thing to do with young kids for myriad reasons.

For me, the authors don’t emphasize enough the importance of starting young on this path of intrinsic motivation. The book feels like a curative for a problem that already is, rather than a preventative for something that has not yet happened. But I think this is because so much of the research is based on case studies of older children.

Ultimately, I found the authors most compelling when they wrote about us adults, rather than the kids. Perhaps it’s because, as stated at the beginning of the book, it is we who are the cause of much of this stress. Or maybe it’s because the authors lost me when they wrote that over-scheduling is OK for some kids (I don’t think it’s ever OK!). Or perhaps it’s because we are closest to what first author Grolnick herself thinks as a parent, rather than as a scientist.

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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED
Congrats to winners Marion, Sarah, Catherine, Anne, and Kendra!
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Now, want to be one of 5 winners to receive a copy of Pressured Parents? Here’s how:

Visit the Prometheus Books’ new releases section, then email contests@bostonmamas.com (with ‘Pressured Parents’ in the subject), and name another Prometheus book you’d be interested in reading (other than Pressured Parents!).

One entry permitted per person; US entrants only.

Entry period closes at midnight EST, Monday, May 19, 2008.