Posts in Other Places I've Been...
Giveaway: Two KC Listen to Your Mother Show Tickets!

The Kansas City Listen to Your Mother show is this Saturday, May 11, at 7 pm at Unity Temple on the Plaza. Tickets are $12 in advance, $15 at the door. Unless you win two here.

 

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Now that my conference is over, I'm starting to get really nervous for the show. I've heard all my castmates' performances, and they are both hilarious and heartbreaking. If you're local, I highly recommend the show, and not just because a portion of the proceeds go to the Rose Brooks Center

Rose Brooks
What is Listen to Your Mother, you ask? It's a group of women performing essays on motherhood, daughterhood and what it means to participate in this part of the human condition. The show will be around ninety minutes, and afterwards I promise you will leave a changed person for what you have heard.

I'll also be selling and signing my young adult novel, THE OBVIOUS GAME, and my parenting anthology, SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK, afterward. I'm reordering bookplates so hopefully they will be in by then. If you have a copy and you just want a signature, bring it on down. Some of my castmates will be selling their books, as well, so if you're interested, please bring small bills. Most of us aren't equipped with debit card thingies. 

So! If you want to win a pair of tickets, please leave a comment here. Every comment counts as one entry. I'll close entries on this Thursday, May 9 at 5 pm CT. I hope to see you at Unity Temple on Saturday! 

Fun with SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK & LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES!

It's the fifth anniversary of the publication of my parenting anthology, SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK, this year, and so in honor of Mother's Day coming up, I rang up two of my contributors -- Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy -- who went on to write their own parenting tome, LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES. We decided what might be really fun to do in a veiled attempt to remind you our books make excellent Mother's Day gifts for the lovelies in your life is update you on one of our vignettes from SIFTW and ponder which bit of baby advice from LPAB works for tweens, which we all now have.

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK, Edited by Rita Arens -- buy it here!

SIFTW cover

I'm going to update my essay, "Sleep Cycles." (p. 25) Originally I included these stages of adult sleep cycles: 1) Alcohol-induced 2) Insomnia-Related 3) The Love Bug 4) New Baby-Induced 5) Toddler-Induced. Clearly, I had a toddler when I wrote this post. There are all sorts of other reasons you can't sleep after becoming a parent. 

My daughter is now nine. Since the Toddler-Induced days, I've also experienced the following sleep disturbances:

6) Growing-Child-in-My-Bed-Induced. My daughter has slept through the night since she was around four or five. It was a gradual thing, when the waking up and crying three times a night became waking up and walking into my bedroom once a night to try to crawl in where it was warm. At first, I gave in (it was always my side of the bed she approached, of course) and let her crawl in, only to find her elbow in my ear, her bony butt in my hip and the amount of body heat with me in the middle unable to crawl out from under the covers or even slip out a temperature-regulating foot stifling. This led to the next stage.

7) Trying-to-Sleep-in-a-Twin-Bed-Induced. When she showed up in the middle of the night, I'd take her back to her own bed and lie down with her, thinking of course I would get up and go back to my own, queen-sized bed in a few minutes. Of course, inevitably I'd lie down, fall asleep, and then be on that dividing line between too tired and too lazy to go back to my own bed even though trying to get any sleep with a grade-school-aged child in a twin bed is just plain ridiculous.

8) Sleepover-Induced. Whether there's an extra kid in my house or my girl is somewhere other than her own bed, I just don't sleep so well, period. I'm going to absolutely die when she goes to college.

I haven't yet gotten to the stages of driving- and dating-induced sleep problems. God help me when I do.

LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! By Alice Bradley & Eden M. Kennedy -- buy it here!

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NOW. For the LPAB baby advice that applies to a tween. 

Ahem.

I'm staring at "This Is Overly Difficult, and I Have Changed My Mind." (p. 142) I hope Eden and Alice don't mind if I update their advice for tweens.

Having a baby tween will:

  • Win you the approval of the far right Update! As long as you don't end up with a pregnant tween!
  • Allow you to start one of those "mommy blogs" everyone's been talking about Update! You'll realize when your kid hits around six OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE? I'M A FUCKING LIFESTYLE BLOGGER. THERE ARE NO MOMMYBLOGS.
  • Give you an excuse to expose your nipples in public Update! Give you an excuse to revisit the eighties when your daughter asks for neon socks.
  • Allow you to catch up on all those episodes of Sesame Street you've missed. Update! Allow you to catch on to all that is wrong with Disney programming for tweens.
  • Exercise your arms from hours of vigorous stroller-pushing and baby-rocking. Update! Exercise your jaws from all those hours of teeth grinding. 
  • Provide you with someone to blame for all those thwarted ambitions. There is no need for an update here. Move along.

Read Eden's post here and Alice's post here. And don't forget how lovely books are, especially for pregnant people, new moms, or anyone who prefers to laugh rather than to cry when thinking about children. Who wants to win a set of both books? One entry for each comment, every comment counts, enter as often as you like. I'll ship the winner the books directly from Amazon. The contest ends at noon CT on Monday, May 6 to ship in time for Mother's Day!

UPDATE: Congratulations, Julia! I'll be contacting you for your address. You win both copies!

Champagne Hubris & Listen to Your Mother KC

Yesterday, I went over to Erin Margolin's house to do a practice run-through of the Kansas City Listen to Your Mother show. Basically there are somewhere near a dozen of us, and we're all performing a short essay we wrote about motherhood, daughterhood or some mix of the two. Before we started, Co-Director Laura Seymour was all, "Hey, is anyone good at opening champagne?"

I've worked at four restaurants and a dog track. So I was all, "I AM." There was nervous tittering, because let's face it -- most of us didn't know each other and we were in someone's basement drinking champagne and preparing to expose our innermost secrets in preparation for taking the entire show live in a few weeks. WHAT'S TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT?

So there I was, test-driving my new gray-and-orange-striped-Calvin-Klein-from-Marshall's dress that is super-crazy tight but also super-crazy comfortable, my jacket to hide my nervous-armpit-sweating habit and my Kanye mail-order-discount glasses. The last five champagne bottles I've opened have had a pop, but I've always been able to hold onto the cork. If I didn't know Erin better, I'd suspect her of shaking this bottle all the way home from Costco, because when I opened it, the cork shot out of my hand and the champagne came spraying out so fast I was covered in it, down to my dripping glasses, in nanoseconds. 

It was champagne hubris, y'all. 

It's fortunate that I have an extremely high tolerance for making an ass of myself, because I was COVERED in champagne. My right armpit smelled like New Year's Eve 1998. Still, I cleaned myself up and sipped a little of that champagne while I listened to a bunch of new friends read some truly amazing essays. I laughed, I cried, I wore champagne with pride.

Our show is going to be on Saturday, May 11 from 7-9.  A portion of the proceeds from ticket sales go to the Rose Brooks Center, and there will be a representative from Rose Brooks at the performance to answer your questions about that organization.

A few of us (me included) will be selling our books there afterward. I'll be selling SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK for $10 and THE OBVIOUS GAME for $15, cash or check only. I'll also have some bookplates for THE OBVIOUS GAME in case you already bought it and are like I DON'T WANT TO BUY IT AGAIN I JUST FORGOT TO BRING IT SO PLEASE SIGN THIS STICKER FOR ME AND IT'LL BE ALL GOOD. 'Cause that's the glory of bookplates! Which are really just address labels, but don't tell! The little angel will be assisting me, and she glories in that role, so even if you don't want a book, please stop by and say hi if you are there.

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DJ Nibbles loves LTYM.


In other Mother's Day news, there's a special promo code and a $50 gift card giveaway over on Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews for custom, kid-artwork-inspired iPhone cases. (Twofer)

New Teen Writing Workshop This Summer in Kansas City
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I'm really excited to share this news. I'm on the board at The Writers Place and will talking about prose and THE OBVIOUS GAME on one of the workshop days.

 

Now Enrolling for Writers' Block Summer Youth Workshops

The Writers Place is currently enrolling students ages 12 - 18 in itssummer writing workshops.  Featuring published, experiencedwriters/instructors and renowned guest speakers the workshops beinteractive and exciting.  To enroll click here.

Writers Place members may enroll for both weeks on this Web page,at the reduced rate of $125 for both weeks — then selecting "Additem(s) to your cart," and proceeding to checkout, using a debit orcredit card to pay tuition on our secure site. Members can use this pageto enroll only in the first week on Poetry (July 8-12); or use this page to enroll only in the second week on Prose (July 8-12) — both at the weekly rate of $75/enrollee.

Non-members in The Writers Place members may enroll for both weeks on this page ($150/enrollee). Non-members can use this page to enroll only in the first week on Poetry (July 8-12); or use this page to enroll only in the second week on Prose (July 8-12) — both at the rate of $100/enrollee.

But do the math, non-members! Studentmemberships are just $20/year, and regular members' children qualify formember-rate enrollment in this special program: Why not join TheWriters Place, for immediate savings? You can do so by first visiting our membership page and signing up, then "continue shopping" to add your workshop selection from the "Member Store."

Joining The Writers Place will bring you a full 12 months of other benefits, too, listed under "Membership" on this Web page.

 

Come to My Reading?
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This Friday night at 7 pm, I'm going to be reading from THE OBVIOUS GAME with my former professor and mentor, Michael Pritchett, author of THE MELANCHOLY FATE OF CAPT. LEWIS. (Yes, it's THAT Capt. Lewis. The one who hung out with Clark.) I'm not sure if Michael will be reading from TMFoCL or his novel-in-progress, but I have heard him read from both, and his stage delivery is awesome. You'll be quite convinced he hates writing with the power of a thousand suns, but you know, in a good way. I find it existentially hilarious.

It has occurred to me that I should probably practice for this reading. I have never read from a novel before. I have also not had too much time to get nervous about it, because last week MAJOR CHRISTIAN RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY and also MOMMY TOTALLY UNDERDELIVERED ON THE EASTER BASKET and then THIS SATURDAY IS THE LITTLE ANGEL'S BIRTHDAY and then OUR CAT JUST DIED AND A BUNCH OF OTHER CRAZY SHIT WENT DOWN IN OUR PERSONAL LIVES and well, holy hell. It's Monday, I don't have a birthday card for my daughter yet (I do have the big gift, but she probably needs some other little things to open), I don't have a game plan for anything and I'm taking a SEWING CLASS on Thursday, the night before my parents and sister arrive to stay with us for said reading and birthday party and oh, holy hell, I hope I've scrubbed the smell of Buttonsworth's last accident out of the playroom carpet (hydrogen peroxide and baking soda).

If you want to attend the reading, all the details are on this Evite. The reading will be from 7-9 at The Writers Place in Kansas City. Both Michael and I will have some books for sale or to sign, and I'll bring some signed bookplates for anyone who wants one unless I run out. Thanks, as always, for all your support of my writing. It means so much.

How to Survive a Roadie
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Thanks so much, everyone, for all your kind words about Buttonsworth. I'm still in a period of mourning and distracting myself with work, so today I'm going to put up a how-to post on surviving road trips. Not that I have any experience or anything. 


My husband, daughter and I live in Kansas City. Both sets of our parents live in Iowa. Which means: road trips. Lots of them. Like almost every month, and the drive is from three to five hours each way.

You'd think in the era of portable DVD players, iPads, iPhones and NOOKs that entertaining oneself in the car for a few hours would be cheesecake. This, unfortunately, is not the case. My daughter just started liking to play digital games in the last year. I may not win any mother-of-the-year awards for saying this, but there were days when I would beg her to just play a game so I didn't have to play one more round of I Spy while twisting myself around so uncomfortably in the front seat to look at her that I actually pulled a back muscle once. Here are some ways to pass the time we've developed for our now eight-year-old road-tripper.

 

empty road

 

 

Credit Image: Damian Gadal on Flickr

 

Stories

This is a broad category that includes everything from reading a story to writing a story to her writing a bit and then me writing a bit to her creating graphic novels. There are many websites that let you turn a story your child writes into a book. (Speaking of that, I have three sitting here on my desk to be scanned and converted!)

Word Games

Think of the game show that is least annoying to you and try to convert it to a car version. I personally like Wheel of Fortune, so we play Hangman a lot. Although -- hangman? Seriously? Who came up with this draconian way of losing? I'd like to say I've come up with a kinder, gentler version, but I haven't. I just try really hard not to lose.

Conversation

How many times do you actually make conversation -- like cocktail party conversation -- with your kid? I usually don't -- we talk about what happened that day or what we're having for dinner or how she really feels strongly she does not have enough pairs of leggings. On road trips, I've learned how her favorite color has changed from blue to purple, who her friends are, what she wants to be when she grows up and whether or not she thinks she'll have kids. Some of my favorite conversations have happened in the car.

So, there you have it. Trust me, I'm no saint -- these are the things I go to AFTER she has watched as many movies as she will watch and played as many games as she will play and read as many books as she will read. I hate riding in cars for long periods of time and prefer to spend my own time working on a novel or with my nose in a book. But if we must interact while trapped in a small box for hours, these are my favorite ways to do it.

How do you survive roadies?

 

Behind the Scenes: StoryMill & THE BIRTHRIGHT OF PARKER CLEAVES

While I was looking for a publisher for THE OBVIOUS GAME, I started my next novel. It's tentatively called THE BIRTHRIGHT OF PARKER CLEAVES. I had to start something, because the waiting was killing me. In the past few weeks, I've returned to it with a vengeance to keep myself from becoming obsessed with how THE OBVIOUS GAME is selling, because at this point I've done pretty much everything in my power to sell it with pretty much zero marketing budget and a very indie distribution model. The reviews are good, and I can only hope word of mouth will take it from here. ONWARD!

THE OBVIOUS GAME took three years to write, but I thought I was done with it after one year. ROOKIE MISTAKE! I made the second rookie mistake of sending it out in that condition before it was ready. I'm determined not to do that with PARKER CLEAVES. I also had a lot of structural difficulties with TOG. I had scenes that didn't make any sense in the larger context of the story, characters that appeared out of nowhere with a huge role to play (Lin) but no backstory and pacing problems (too slow). (Which is interesting, because one reviewer said it now moves too fast. I think that's a YA genre thing -- moving the plot along quickly was something I heard over and over again from agents.)

I had about half of TOG written before I really started outlining the second half. Originally, the story ended right after Diana's big scene with Lin outside the school (no spoilers). Then a literary agent told me the story needed another half. Of course, that was hard to hear (I thought I was done!), but it was awesome advice. It absolutely needed another half, because all the best parts of the story (in my opinion) are in the last third of the book. Let's all thank God for unanswered prayers.

This time, I'm all about the outline. Some writers can't funtion that way, but we are all special snowflakes, and I've always worked best from an outline. I was one of the only people I know who actually used them for papers in high school. I decided it would be easier if I had a software program to help me. Most writers I know use Srivener, but I got an email deal for StoryMill and from what I can tell, they are pretty similar. The only issue I have with StoryMill is that it's on my desktop Mac, so if I want to work on TBoPC when I'm not at home, I have to export the outline to Word and print it or work on it from a different PC. Lately I've been completely overwhelmed looking at StoryMill, so I've been picking a scene to work on and writing it out longhand. I know! I haven't written longhand in years, but this is what is keeping me from freaking out right now. I'm going with it.

The other cool thing about software is that you can keep a running list of characters and tag your scenes with characters so you don't make that mistake I originally made with Lin -- a secondary character who becomes important but has no backstory. It's not easy to go back and sprinkle backstory like the Novel Fairy. By tagging characters to scenes, I can easily tell if there's a character who appears too much for his/her role in the story or not enough. I can also grab entire scenes and move them pretty painlessly. I wish I'd had that with TOG, because I ended up starting in five different places before I got it right. That was some white-knuckled cut-and-paste, I tell you.

Here's a list of my characters so far for TBoPC. I'm not sure about all of them. I haven't written Uncle Mike into the story yet at all. He may get replaced with a closer peer to Parker. There's a role that character needs to play, but I haven't decided who he is yet, only that he is a he. Also, who the fuck is Angela? I've already forgotten. Oops. Christopher was originally Clyde, but my husband told me he just couldn't relate to a Clyde in that role. I actually loved the name Clyde for spoiler-y reasons, but Beloved is usually right about knee-jerk reader reactions, so I've learned to trust him even though I think he's totally wrong. Time will tell.

Storymill
If you click on each of those, you could see a character sketch if I had actually done one, which I haven't. I usually only need those before I start writing, because once I get going, the character evolves so quickly in my head the descriptions just end up getting outdated too fast and are confusing. And embarrassing -- as IF I thought Helen would have brown hair, OMG! Yes, writers can even get embarrassed by themselves to themselves even if no one else is watching. Occupational hazard.

I recently read in one of my writing magazines that you should think of your shitty first draft as the clay, not the sculpture. When I was writing TOG, I thought I was working on the sculpture and tried to make the first draft all perfect. This time, I'm fully aware I'm puking out clay and that this draft sucks as a piece of writing and exists mostly to figure out the plot. Much less stressful. I'm about 16k words in, and I expect I'll top out at about 75k before I start revising. TOG is just under 69k, for reference, and I've been given the guideline of 50k-90k for young adult. The scenes I'm writing are all half-finished. I just try to get the mood for the scene right and if any dialogue comes to me out of the clear blue or because I'm eavesdropping in a food court, I get it down right away before I forget it. That's why those scenes in StoryMill are so nice. That method totally does not work in Word.

TOG focused on what it feels like to have an eating disorder and how to come back from one. TBoPC isn't an issues novel -- it will be a story about power, who has it and why.